Last time I saw J, I acted like a total bitch...and I thought I was too mean. I was also mean to talk bad about him to my friends, to hold prejudices against him and to not be honest. Well, it's hard to say all this through text message so I only apologize for last time and admit that I'm wrong and damn that feels good! I should do this more often.
So this morning I texted him:
| Me: Hey I know that's a week later but better than never, I'm sorry I was bitchy last time. J: Lol, you weren't bitchy...It was me just being irritable. Anyway, don't worry about it. |
When I saw this, I was so touched that I wanted to cry. I wasn’t expecting him to say anything like that. Most people would’ve said "Oh well, it's okay", but he took the blame instead. If he didn't just say that out of politeness then it means he's a generous person...it reminds me of Kevin. He was in fact not even close to being irritable; he was very patient, but I was actually bitchy. I was unfair to him. I dig so deep just to find his flaws and then make a fuss out of a little thing he says and does. I was really only looking for a reason to be mean because I always feel like I have to be able to see through his bullshit just in case.
Even if I don't know him that much, he never gave me the feeling that we're in a competition, y'know what I mean? But I always have to distort everything. Even being nice is a crime, that's how unreasonable I am. I could probably say that he’s not good enough, not bad enough, not human enough…not whatever enough, and I can probably come up with tons of other different reasons but we actually all know why. Maybe because of P. Maybe it's just me. I might do one-nights, but I don't do friends with benefits and all that. Maybe I didn't know how to face him...
He often says "Hey...but you can guess. You know me!" and I'd go "Dude...How am I supposed to know you?" ...but maybe that's because he's not as complicated and doesn't carry as much baggage as I do. Maybe I need sane people like this in my life. Maybe I should get to know him better...
I was wrong and being able to admit it feels so good!
It feels better than being able to get away with things.
It feels even better than being right.
I'm relieved...and happy!