I must go to Changbai Mountain before I die.

Unnecessary to talk

... it means that we think about each other but it's unnecessary to talk.

Unresolved

"I didn't mean that, I'm so sorry."

"I know you didn’t mean that, but it reminds me of things…"

"What is it? Is it what you told me before?"

"Yes."

"Babe, I would never treat you like that. You still think about this person?"

"I do."

"Am I number 2?"

"No, you’re not."

"Then what am I?"

"You’re number 1. I don’t think about him like that. I’m not quite sure why I think about this all the time, maybe it’s just a bad habit. It just feels unresolved...."

"Then do something about it, it is not normal that somethingthat happened so long ago still affects you today and it bothers me that you take a blowjob joke so seriously that you cry. You know how that makes me feel?"

"I know, but what should I do?"

"Call him."

"I don’t want to…"

"Why not?"

"What could I say?"

"Tell him that whatever he said still affects you."

"It doesn't really have to do with him either, not at this point. It’s been too long.  It’s my own problems that I can’t grow out of this…"

"I'm sorry, babe. You don’t have to do anything. When I’llsee you, we’ll lie down with clothes on, and I’ll give you a hug."

I'm just perfect, y'know.

Jonathan: Baby, you show up here all sweaty, you take a shower, show your tits out the window, eat an egg, cum, fart in my face and sleep. Now you tell me to wash your dildo? What did you do to my girlfriend?!

Personality types

Obsessed

I sat on a bench under a tree and I looked up at the sky through bare branches. I closed my eyes and saw those imaginary eyes, and his invented presence. He is here all the time, watching me, marking everything I do and every decision I take. What would it be like if he were actually by my side, I wondered. It used to not matter to me, regardless of how unhealthy these persisting thoughts are. I never cared being out of touch with reality.

…but when I opened my eyes again, I saw the eyes of the one that I love. He saw only me. He was waiting for me on the other side of the border. He is real; he's the one I can touch and hear. He smiled at me. Experiences left me rough around the edges, and I recognize how precious that smile was. I would do anything to protect this fragility that he has. I smiled back and kissed him on his left eye.

I felt sorry inside.

I needed to get this off my chest. I’ve been thinking about it for months and years... not a day has gone by that I didn’t play with the pieces of the past. I tried to reconnect, because I’m sick and obsessed. Freedom is limited in my heart and I’m not quite sure how to obtain that resolution, nor do I know what it consist of or whether it would make me happier.

...but what if?

Balance

Everything in my life used to be a race. I accomplished goals as such a fast pace because I felt I was loosing my time. Sadly, I didn’t live my life the way I wanted, most of the time, and I don't regret and I was very willing to do it for the ones who had high expectations of me...but this is also the reason why I haven't been able to settle down. I benefit from the results indeed, but not in the way I wanted the most and no matter how they say it’s not about them, they benefit from these accomplishments too.

My life has been a struggle between freedom and obligations. Freedom is when you’re about to loose everything and obligations are the ones who love me. I’m very sad that I have to go against their expectations this time, but all I want is some balance. True love loves you unconditionally, but grows greedy rapidly and will keep you under its wing in spite of all costs and sacrifices.

The harsh truth is that it’s not always about me and my best interest. Parents want what is good for you, but not what is best. There’s a difference.

Vacations

I’m overwhelmed; sad and happy at the same time, I will explain later.

I’m going away for 3 months. It’s confirmed.

July 15th to October 15th.

I’m basically going to do most of Asia and I will take the Silk Road to the Middle East. I originally wanted to take the Transmongolian to Moscow and go to Europe, but my time is very limited and I don’t want to rush through it. I still have a lot to do and a lot to organize as I will be travelling alone. My Internet isn’t functioning properly today, but I wanted to quickly share with you the countries that I will be visiting very briefly.

My plans are not settled yet, and it might not be exactly these countries, but it will be pretty much in this order…

1-Korea

2-Japan

3-Philipines

4-Indonesia

5-Thailand

6-Cambodia

7-Laos

8-Vietnam

9-Hong Kong

10-China

11-Kazaksthan

12-Turkmenistan

13-Uzbekistan

14-Iran

15-Turkey

:)