Chasing pavements in London

I had a 10-hour layover in London, I was tired, but I took the tube to Westminster to at least see Big Ben while I was there. I was amazed as soon as I got out...I saw Big Ben right in front of me, the London Eye behind me and River Thames below. The weather was nice; it was a little windy, but warm.

So, I took a walk along the river...

I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over 
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is love...
- Adele

Leaving

I cannot blame people for not understanding. It seems like nothing happened in reality, but to me, too much has happened and I keep coming back to those thoughts. I'm left to wonder if all this happened only in my imagination.

I need to be a little braver today and take some risks. I once only saw reasons why I can't, but one day, I came across a quote: "Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do", and so, I started finding reasons why I can, and possibilities were created from then on. There are no certainties, only adventures.

Today, I feel confident and I trust that the entire universe will conspire to help me find a way, and things will fall into place, eventually, even if it's not now. I know that...

Leap of faith

...I thought about it too, and there was a time I wanted to learn to appreciate what I had, I wanted to settle for the easy way. Sometimes, the right way and the easy way are the same...But will I still be wondering what if, will I really be happy, would I rather die with a confident smile or die completely happy...Am I able to give up what I have now and then maybe, just maybe, have chance to be completely happy? Would I be able to accept the consequences of the risks taken? Would I be able to follow my heart?...but you know me well, I'm all or nothing.

Sometimes, the only way is a leap of faith.

Coincidences

My mind is a little scattered today. I'm happier than I should be, loosing myself trying to find meanings within coincidences and details, giving irrelevance some significance, equating too much memories to things and people that can’t and won’t ever love us back.

I used to feel like a hurricane that entered whirlwind like into a life and tear it asunder, leaving in their wake a mess of empty. I'm content being a breeze now, because I want to be remembered for the right things.

…life continues, love continues, people continue. Sometimes, life is a lesson in endurance...

Childhood friends

I met with a friend that I haven't seen in over 10 years today.

What I remember of him is that we used to insult each other a lot, especially in the school bus. And he would always say mean things in Cantonese, and the problem is that my Cantonese was not good at that time since I spoke Taishanese at home, so I would always just repeat what he just said and I could not be creative, haha. He says he doesn't remember that though, and that he wanted to go out with me but I looked too mean.

"That girl lives on the same street, we go to the same school, but she would always ignore me and keep her nose in a book!" Kenneth said.

"She used to ignore me too when I asked her questions." Jackie replied.

"Doesn't she look more cheerful now? Let's embrace the moment because maybe next time I see her, like in 9 years, she will be mad again like before."

What's funny is that none of us were close in elementary school, but now that we live so far apart, I feel like we were always friends, and occasions like these are rare. How many ten years are there in life, right?

Laksa with mommy

Memories

When Melly (the girl in a white shirt) came to my place, our favorite thing to do was to flip through magazines together and tell each other "I'll buy you that when I'll get older" to everything we liked.

When I was little, I was given a nickname by my aunt. It was "flat face" because of my non-existent nose bridge. It miraculously grew when I got older though.

That's my favorite picture with the first friends I had in my life. From the left, Melly who looks bored, Janette who was way to young to know what's going on, Me in middle, Ming Ming who I thought was so pretty, and Christina.

My mom holding my sister who couldn't open her eyes for a month. We joke about how that's the reason why she has small eyes.

My yellow lunch box :)

Last goodbyes, for real.

He said he will not contact me anymore, but did so again. I hate to be pulled back into this again, and as much as I wanted to ignore his texts, I also know how hard it is to be ignored; it makes you feel like you're a crazy rambling mess, you analyse, over-analyse, you run out of analogies, and you realize, but you never truly accept. I would not do this to anyone I respect...and I want him to let go too.

Everybody needs to find their little piece of peace.

Topless

Photographed by F.

Yes, I lost weight.

Yes, I don't have a butt anymore.

But, I don't care. I love it!

First photoshoot in a while

Photographed by F.

I'm rarely excited about my pictures, but I absolutely love these!

...and I just felt like having nice pictures of myself...

Back to elementary school

Yesterday, me and a friend of mine decided to visit our elementary school. The last time I was there was 13 years ago, on the last day of school, when I left in a school bus.

I remember I used to be the second best at "Ballon-Poire" at school. There was that older girl who always beat me at it...

I remember Sophia and I playing with two younger girls; one of them liked her more and the other liked me more. And we kissed each other, haha!

I remember I used to have a crush on that tall Asian guy, his name was Michel. I find him ugly now though.

I remember the girls who danced to Spice Girls, Chung Ching who always argued with me, prank calls with Baldwin, translating for Jackie, holding my "best friend's" hand, my yellow lunch box, the ones who always bothered me with homework, the ones I still talk to, the ones I lost touch with and the ones I don't remember anymore, etc...

It's really nice to see all the changes that the school has been through.

Everything is so innocent here...