No, I don't club. Stop asking!

Jonathan: Hey, which club you go to? I don’t see you at Copa anymore! Me: I don’t go to clubs anymore… Jonathan: WHAT? Elaine doesn’t club? What happened to you?

D: Hey! What are you doing next weekend? Me: Nothing. I probably going to study. D: Let's go club together. Me: Nah…I don’t club. D: Huh? What’s wrong with you?

J: Want to go to that club opening? Me: Nah…I don’t club. J: It’s going to be fun…Come! Me: No! J: My god. You're boring...

Don’t you guys get the message? I really hate clubs, bars and parties. Fuck all that. I hate all the flirting and the fuckers who “accidently” grab my ass, and all those people who try so hard to impress. I don't need to go there with my shortest dress and highest heels just to hear people telling me how hot and amazing I am. I already know I am.

And if you’re not there to impress, then you’re there to get dicks or pussies depending on your taste. If you’re not there to get laid, then you're one of the few people who go there to just hang out with friends, to "relax" and to have fun, but the problem is that you need alcohol to actually enjoy it and to make that shit fun…which is still fucked up. I mean, if that's your idea of having a great time....good for you.

Whatever.

2%

You know when you meet people abroad who are 98% different from the person you are regarding almost everything? You don’t share the same nationality, age, occupation and language, but you still can communicate with them more easily than those who you share the same last name with? When you get to learn and grow together during that brief encounter, but you can’t feel a comparable change during the whole year you spent at school? When you go knock on someone’s door simply because you miss them and know you don’t have much time left so you try to make the most out of it, but it’s too much effort to just call to say “I miss you” back home? When they are willing to cross an ocean just to be able to spend a few weeks with you because you did the same for them, but 2 streets is too far away for those who live in the same city? All that because 98% is insignificant, but 2% is worth everything? Because of that 1% for the open minds and another 1% for the open hearts? The nights spent barhopping until 7 am with Elaine and how everyone thought we were hookers but we still believed we are the hottest in town, the days spent on a hospital bench with Kevin talking about absolutely nothing and how it wasn't even awkward, the days spent with Krystina hitting on Chinese boys and how we tried to practice our crappy Chinese with them, when Antoine, Eric, William and I woke up at 4 am to climb a mountain just to be able to catch the sunrise, how I met SW because we were the only 2 girls who dared to jump in the cold water, how I met Anh because we were both so lost and then became inseparable, how I became close with Yoshimi because we both eat too much, and when it was okay to say everything you want to say and do everything you want to do because it wasn't a question of who gets the last word nor was it a question of how normal or weird you might be, but a question of now or never, want it or not, no time to hesitate? I miss that.

Another “last last time”

I know I always say it’s the last time, and after every “last time”, there’s another “last last time”, but whatever. He already ignored me so many times that it doesn’t make a difference anymore, so I texted P yesterday. At worst, I’ll just bitch about that again. No big deal!

I texted him the least original thing I can think of "Hey P, how's it going?". Then it was a bit weird for me. He replied and I was obviously happy but then frustrated at the same time. I’m a bit stuck because I’m still pissed and sad about the blowjob thing. Sometimes I think I’d feel better if he continues to be an ass, so I can continue to think that he’s an ass without doubt. So I was like…fuck that. So much trouble for nothing.

Then a few hours later, I calmed down and texted him again because I’ll probably think about that non-stop if I don’t. I want to be at least acknowledged for trying my best in case I don't get what I want and if I don't get a slap, then I want at least a "leave me alone". If not, that's just means I haven't tried hard enough. Here I go “Wanna be my study partner?". I stole J's number 1 excuse. You know what's great about studying? There is no alcohol involved. Before sending this, I already had the feeling that he’ll either not reply or take as much time as I did plus at least 1 minute. If I took 3 hours, he’ll take 3 hours and 1 minute even if he saw it the second I sent it. That's just typically P. Indeed, he took a while to reply, but not as long as I thought. Well, he improved!

P: Aren't you in business? **&#^@*&%@!!! He knows I'm in business, he just said this to make me insist. Me: Oh yeah true, well too bad then

After that, he asked about J, “Is he this? Is he that?” and blablablas...I'll assume that he was just curious.

And finally...

P: We can go study together one day if our schedule clicks. **Should’ve said that from the beginning, y’know

...

Me: HEY!!! Guess who that is! Irene: I don't want to know. Me: It's P! Irene: Again? Aren't you tired?! Me: He said we can study together :D Irene: Like...next year or something? Me: ...

It wasn't that bad afterall.
I hope he didn't mean next year though.

Reminder

开心比苦恼多

笑！

Strip poker at Brian's place

It was okay at Brian's place, but I was a bit moody that night. I still went because I don't like to ditch people last minute. They were 3 boys and there was me, so we played strip poke (they wish). There's that guy, R, who had to explain me how to play, and I really like patient guys so I thought he was cute. I was like "I can speak Mandarin!" so he started speaking in mandarin and I went "WHAT??!!!" "Repeat?" "Repeat again?!"

Here he is.


As I was leaving...
R: Hey, you should call me to hangout sometimes.
Me: I don't even have your number.
So as he was taking his phone out, I said this very fast: "Anyways, I gotta go. BYE!!!" and shut the door. Haha=)

I need to figure out what the hell I want

I know what I'm doing, I'm just a bit selfish. You know that maybe-someday-but-not-today thing? Well, that is it. He's mature, smart, has a future. I can't confirm whether he’s an asshole or not yet but even if he were, he won't be able to mess with me and I tell myself that he had 2 serious relationships, so even if I end up hurting him, I ain't gonna be the one he remembers anyways, so I'm safe either way. I’m so horrible.

Sometimes, even me I can’t believe the crazy and fucked up things I did, but I still somehow feel more mature than most people my age. I'm probably making people's life complicated right now though. I just think I seriously need to figure out what the hell I want and act accordingly.

Ok, here's another one.

Last time, I was on the phone with Baldwin. Baldwin is like my little brother because I can call him when I have nothing to do and he crushed on my sister long time ago. So, I was on the phone with him and I heard his friend asking him who he was talking to, so I told Baldwin to tell him that he's talking to a super hot girl. Then, he wanted to talk to me, and I later realized that I actually met him 2-3 years ago at a beach with people of my dragon boat team and he took stalker pictures of me in bikini. Anyways. Oh and his name is Brian and he's not cute.

That's on facebook:

Brian: Hey can I have your #? Baldwin ne veut pas me le donner. Me: Qu'est ce que tu vas faire avec mon numero? Ta une blonde. Brian: Ah ? Une blonde, moi ? J'suis single! Miss Elaine, faut se mettre a jour la...

I gave him my number. I'm so so so NOT interested, but I gave him. I don't know what to say. I don't even try to meet guys, I don't want a boyfriend and I don’t want a friend-plus either, but guys still keep coming...and well, going too of course, eventually. I'm okay with that I guess. Well, I'm not exactly okay with that but it is the way it is and I won't make a fuss over it.

Earlier today, Baldwin called to ask if I want to chill at Brian's place tonight. I really have things to study for, but since it's the weekend (I don’t have class on Friday) and I need to relax. So why not?! I need to laugh and I'll have someone to make fun of. So I told him "I'll go around 11h and I'm only staying for an hour and a half huge max" and I hear Brian in the background saying "Yeahhh, bitch!"...(??!). My god...wish me good luck.

I'm jealous =(

I’m PMSing so sorry if I’m being a bit irrational right now but y’know what?! I'm still a girl, I have my girly-girl moments and I can be really immature sometimes. I'm fuckin pissed and...euh JEALOUS!!! Yeah, Me, Elaine...Jealous! Okay? JEALOUS!!! J-E-A-L-O-U-S! I swear I'm not a jealous person. I wasn't even jealous when my ex-boyfriend kissed other girls on purpose to make me jealous. And NOW....now I'm jealous of a SHORT and UGLY girl because of...**&%#*%#@ I'm even embarrassed to tell you guys why!

Friend: Hey, you okay? Me: No! Friend: Don't worry, she's not pretty. Me: I know, but I'm still pissed. Friend: I saw her; she's short and chubby and doesn't know how to walk in heels... Me: Oh well, I feel better I guess. Friend: She looks like she's got big boobs though... Me: =((( Friend: But she's really not pretty. [5 minutes later] Friend: What are you thinking about?...She's not pretty. I tell ya! [5 minutes later] Friend: Hey...She's not pretty. [5 minutes later] Friend: Really. She's not. [5 minutes later] Friend: What are you thinking about again? She's not pretty.

Haha, I love my friend, she's so cute~

Usual morning frustrations

When I wake up at the same time as my sister and decide to be nice and let her use the washroom first while I stay a few more minutes in my bed but totally fall back asleep and miss my class.

When I make my coffee and realize that there's no more cream. So I go "Oh my god! Who the hell used it last?" Oh...that was me.

When I wake up early to get my hair and make-up nicely done for once and open the door just to realize that it's raining and the umbrella is in the trunk. So I go "Who the hell left it there?!" Oh yeah...that was me too.

When I decide to take one last look in the mirror before going out and realize that I'm wearing colors that don't match so I go get changed, but then realize that my pants don't match my jacket.

When I’m ready to go out and oops, I forgot a book in my room, so I go get it, but oops, I forgot the keys in my other purse and oops, I forgot my phone in the kitchen and oops…

Tired.

I woke up this morning feeling very tired and annoyed. Everything feels so annoying all of a sudden. I can't put that in words but I feel it. So I went on my phone, and first erased J's number. He didn't do anything that annoys me yet, I just don't feel like seeing him again. I do want to see him sometimes to be honest, but mostly when I'm "bored". So I decided to delete his number before I change my mind. I also erased Bob's number, he’s annoying too. Then I went on to erase more numbers; Sung eun, D, Jason and my ex-boyfriends' numbers that were still in the list. I erased them all. They are all annoying. I want to puke when I hear things like "Hey Elaine, I missed you so bad, did you miss me too? Oh, you're in your bed? Can I join?". That whole thing is so stupid and I don't have time to waste.

I know that’s weird, but I’m tired of everyone!

Eating at Kam Fung

Me: Hey, the guy next to our table is looking at me. Irene: How do you even know he's looking at you? Me: Well because there's no one else behind me... Irene:...and why can't he be looking at me? Nelson: No, he's looking at me!

Haha I love my cousin!

Isn't that cute? My sister does my hair!

Me: Can you do my hair? I want a huge bun on my head. Irene: Where are you going? Me: Study Irene: ...are you sure you're going to study??! Me: Well...you never know who I might bump into...

Small dicks.

Curious to know if Bob called? Of course not. I’m just so not interested in that ugly guy, but I told myself that if he actually calls, then it means he's not as bad as I think he is. His brother is so nice and kind; how different can they be if they grew up under the same roof, right? It's been a week and he might have forgotten or maybe he's busy at work, but if I ever said I wanted to suck his dick, he would’ve certainly, definitely and absolutely called even if someone died. Trust me; I know what I’m talking about.

Anyways.

The realistic version

There are 3 main types of assholes:
Type A is being an obvious asshole to you and you don't need to guess. He will always talk to you as if he's trying to challenge you, like the way he would talk to his bros. He constantly tries to one-up you just to prove that he’s the best. You’ll never hear them compliment you unless they are drunk...really drunk. The good thing is that you know for sure that he’s not acting. I call them the obvious assholes.

Type B is the most common and least original type. He's the type who thinks he is Don Juan but in fact, you can tell he’s really just a loser who doesn't possess a miror. He uses compliments that require zero thinking and he actually believes that girls look for that. Standard examples include “You’re hot and cute”. A worst example would be “Your dad's a robber, he stole all the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes” and he doesn’t know how lame he is. He’s tries to be type C but fails badly. I call them the amateurs.

Type C is the rarest and understands women more than type A and type B, so he uses that to his advantage. He does all kind of things that would make you think that he cares. What really sets him apart from the rest is that, he would try to get in touch with the deeper side by saying things such as “You are just fronting, I know you’re actually a very warm person” or “I know you can love someone for a long time even if you don’t show it”. I’m not making those up. The one who actually said those craps to me is TJ. He’s really a professional asshole and I only met one up to now.

I feel most comfortable around type A because I know they will not stab me in the back; they will just do it in my face. On the other hand, when someone is too nice and perfect, chances are that they are type C. I remember J said this to me last time: “I know what kind of girl you are; you are the kind of girl who doesn’t like to play games”. I think most girls when they hear this would melt and think that the guy actually has a brain and that he’s not an asshole and blablablas. But hold on second and think about it, he’s for sure in a winning position by saying this because he can basically apply that to any girls and it would work 95% of the time because no one really likes to play games unless they are super immature. If you know it, then he probably knows it too, but he thinks you don't know. That smells like a type C to me. Just the fact that him and Bob know each other already kind of scares me.

Bob texted me on Friday and I know him and J were actually at the same engagement party. I don't think Bob would text me out of nowhere after 2 months. Someone or something must have provoked him. So on Saturday I asked J about it:

Me: Did you talk to Bob? J: Yeah I actually saw him yesterday. Me: I mean...did you talk about me? J: Oh...well not really.

Not really? Not really but yes? or Not really and no? If he really didn't, he would've said no, right?! I also remember once, he said he talks to his friends about me. I don't know if Bob is included and I don't know how close they are. He claims that he's not close with Bob but I know they play squash and poker together. And at the same engagement party? Fishy, isn't it? Also, I feel like he is using "studying" as an excuse. He always says he wants to study with me, but he always comes up with something else last minute, such as "I didn't bring my books, so let's drink" or "I don't want to bore you on a saturday so let's do something else" so we never really study.

Conclusion: There are 2 possibilities:
A. I’m right and he’s a failed type C.
B. I think too much and he’s innocent.

You know how curious I am.

Bob reappears

I know it looks like there's a different guy every few days, but that's not my fault. I didn't do shit.

So Bob reappeared after 2 months. That’s the guy who knows both P and J. See? That’s how small the world is. I think he texted me because I texted his brother few days ago and he's jealous. I miss his brother, he’s really nice and seemed like a genuine person. Contrarily, Bob gave me the impression that he wants to get laid and he really tries too hard. I don’t necessarily think he’s a bad person, because that’s not fair and I don’t know him well. He could be thinking that I’m a total slut too, y’know.

Bob: Are you alive? **You know when they waste so much time to ask you so many questions but that’s not even what they want to know? Me: Duhhh u forgot about me Bob: What are you up to? **Who cares about that. Me: I'm just studying u? Bob: I'm eating Bob: What are you gonna do tonight? **Uh no, that’s not the real question either. Me: Study Bob: Boring Bob: Are we ever gonna meet? I thought you forgot about me **Finally! Here’s what he really wants to know. Me: What do you wanna do? **I didn’t want to be mean and I thought maybe we can hangout just normally without “extras”. Bob: Anything! **Ok, he’s the one who wants to hangout but I’m the one who has to think about something to do? That doesn’t make sense to me.

I decided to just call him because I was really studying and I just hate it when people send me unimportant txts every 2 minutes. Like, can’t you just call and finish what you have to say?!

Bob: Sorry can't pick up still at dinner **Since when do people have dinner at 10h45 at night?! Me: Well call me later Bob: Are you in downtown? Me: I'm home Bob: Oh ok Bob: Next time? **Sleeping already! Bob: Huh????? **Zzzzzz Bob: Sleeping? **You know why he calls himself Bob? Because he’s scared that girls will go crazy over him if they know his real name. Look who’s after who right now. tsk tsk.

The next morning…
I could just lead him on if I had nothing to do. But yeah, like my sister would say; "Be nicer Elaine!". So I decided to make it clear and not waste everybody's time even if that's not as fun.

Me: Yeah I was sleeping. Call me earlier if you wanna hangout but if you wanna get laid then forget about it now **Haha, he’s gonna so fall in love with this. Bob: Haha well hangout. I got something tonight I'll call you next week **He was probably thinking "What the fuck. Of course I wanted to get laid but now I won't call you for sure but I'll still try to sound like a polite guy so you won't be able to ruin my reputation."

What a funny guy.
Don't call me, please!!!

Now I'm rude

J told me to call him, so I did. I called and just directly asked if he wanted to study or not....and he thought I were being rude. How rude is that? The reason I don't say useless crap like "What did you do on the weekend?" or "What are you doing now?" is only because he gives me the impression that he's a busy person so I tried to make it short. That's why...but that's apparently rude?!?!

What J wants

J: What u up to this weekend? Me: Studying just as usual. What about u? J: Studying too. Call me saturday, we can maybe meet up to study together.

Hmm...
Why am I the one who has to call if he's the one who wants to meet up.
Why a Saturday?
If we meet up, are we really going to study?
We don't go to the same school and not in the same program so if we meet up, we just going to sit next to each other and do our own stuff. For how much you bet he doesn't only want to study?

I’m a girl, so sometimes I tend to over-think. I feel like he might be expecting something from me. I don't mind chilling with him once in a while ,but nothing more, y'know.

There are at least 4 reasons why I think that.

Reason #1: He justified himself after I said that he must be bringing different girls home everynight because I saw he had a box of condoms at home. I was pretty much just teasing him; I actually don’t care about that. Not right after, but he later said this to me:

J: I know what you're thinking Me: Like what? J: You're wondering if I bring girls home. I don't. **No, you’re not good at mind-reading. Me: Y'know what? I really don't care **I mean it.

Like, why the hell does he have to tell me that? That seems like he cares about what I think.

Reason #2: He texted me the day after and he was actually in Toronto for a conference. I’ll tell you what. Maybe it’s because I only know so many assholes, but most guys won’t do that if they want nothing to do with you. They would just run as far as possible or they might give you a booty call next time they get bored. Yep.

Reason #3: He tells me enough time in advance when he wants to do something with me. I know guys who only give me the shortest notice possible, believe it or not. Such as "Come grab a beer with me downtown" or "Bring your ass to Copa" and those guys do that mostly (not all the time obviously, I do that sometimes too) because they think of you as their filler chick.

Reason #4: You know when there are some guys that talk more than girls but right after they got what they want, you're not even able to squeeze one word out of their mouth? Well, he wasn't that type.

Does it look like I think too much?

十句话的第一句

如果我們之間有1000步的距離
你只要跨出第1步
我就會朝你的方向走其餘的999步

A, B, C, D, E and P

I swear I try to not think about him and I do go out with other guys to change ideas. It kind of works sometimes. I only enjoy bitching about the pathetic ones but some of them are actually pretty nice. They are mature, know what they want and take initiatives, go to university, have a job (not those jobs you can get with a DES or DEC, you know what I mean) and are not bad-looking either...

I’d ask my cousin what he thinks about A, B, C, D and E and he’d tell me that they are all 10 times better than P. I think he’s right too. The thing is even if they are nice…they are boringly too nice. Some take everything I say so seriously that I have to tell them it’s a joke every single time. Some are so sweet that I wonder from which drama they stole their lines. Some are kind but we don’t have much to talk about. Some others compliment me the same way over and over again and it just gets boring. Some are older and know what they want but hey, I’m only 21 and I just wanna have fun. But I appreciate the fact that they at least try.

In contrast, P just doesn't care and is probably hitting on some "hot" chicks right now. He doesn't even say hi anymore when he sees me. The only nice thing he ever said in his life was probably that I'm not fat...and that I have nice legs...but that’s a bit of a perverted compliment. I used to tell him that he was the hottest Asian in Montreal. In reality, he’s nothing close. He doesn’t have the most handsome face, he doesn’t have the most built body, he’s not the tallest, not the smartest and way too far from being the kindest…but I just can’t stop thinking about his cocky face. A lots of time, I’d start giggling to myself out of nowhere because of some stupid stuff he did or said. Then, J thinks I'm retarded, D thinks it’s cute and Sung eun thinks I'm a psycho. I tell Jason the truth just to piss him off. I don’t know how I do that…it's not like I talk to him or anything, y’know. I actually don't even know if he's still alive.

I absolutely don’t know what the hell I want.
That’s just TOTALLY annoying.

Some people don't know how old they are

"C'mon, talk to me...Why are you ignoring me? What did I do to you?"
Man, are you really wondering why?

Everything he does is sitting at home with a coffee in front of his screen and going out in the evening with his friends. Every single fucking day. His excuse for not working is that pressure is bad for his health. Well maybe you should start smoking less and staying out less late. Today, he said to my mom that the reason I’m not talking to him is because I'm trying to prove that I’m better than him and all that crap. Dude, are you serious? I didn’t even think about anything close to that. He probably arrived to that conclusion because he does the same things everyday so he naturally thinks about the same shits over and over again too. That guy really has too much imagination and too much time to waste.

...and now he just left. Can someone tell me what kind of person goes out at that time (it's almost midnight)? I mean, does he know how old he is?

All the bad stuff...

1-I failed Tax again.

2-I need to say that P is gay because he doesn't call me...and it's been fuckin 3 weeks since he texted me last time. Why the hell did he say "next time" if he ain't gonna call again, right?! He's just...gay.

3-So I was writing my exam and suddenly, a phone rang. I knew it was mine even if I thought I turned it off. But you know what you should do in case that happens to you? Just pretend to be innocent.

4-I HATE sitting next to guys in the library. They just breathe so heavily and they make so much random noice that I can't help but wonder if they are trying to get my attention.

5- The strange pattern: All the good people go to Vancouver and the bad ones stay in Montreal. Haven't you noticed?

*Facebooking*

*Stalking*

*Shit-talking*

*Eating*

Oh my god, I studied so hard today!