2018 was mostly difficult.
Who am I and what are my values, I ask myself. Perhaps, I don't have any. I hope and I make believe. I'm crazy, I'm out of touch and out of reach. You think you have everything and so, you allow yourself to do anything...even the wrong things...because, what can I not do?
I try to think of the things I've learned this year, but all I remember is working day and night, trying to please, trying to lie, trying to be happy.
One thing I definitely learned this year though, is the loneliness of being with someone. It's nothing like being alone on your own. It's like a prison; you scream until your lungs explode, but you're never heard. You try to communicate but you are never understood. This emotional roller coaster is scary and all so familiar. You want to give up, but is this the end?
It was a year of many sacrifices, a year where I have not respected
myself, a year I got lost. I'm questioning and trying to make some
sense, but here we are, in 2019, and things haven't changed. I have
everything people could wish for, but on the last day of 2018, I was
laying in bed, unhappy.
Despite everything...I know 2019 will be a better year.
I just know.
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