How do you say no to a friend?

OMFG.

I shouldn't have answered the phone.

Jonathan called me from Couche-Tard so I didn't know it was him. If I knew, I would've ignored the call. And no, I don't work there anymore.

He wants to watch movies at his place tomorrow on his bed again. I was trying to look for an easier way to say no but I didn't have enough time to think since I'm a bit slow, I don't even remember the excuse I used few days ago, did I say I were busy studying or something? Probably. Anyways. Fuck.

Does he want more because he didn't get anything last time? He still has a dick even if he's nice, y'know. Or does he really only want to watch a movie because he's that bored? And I don't think I need to tell you guys which is more probable. He even said he'll watch whatever I want to watch, so I said I want to watch a chick flick. Do guys actually watch those movies? No, unless he's gay right? That proves that it's not a movie that he wants to watch.

Oh, but by the way, he proposed to watch a movie at the cinema at first but that sounded like a date to me, so I said it would better if we just watch a movie at his place...because that would make it more arguable that it's simply because we're bored....not because we want to go on a date, haha do I make sense? But actually, I don't even want to watch a movie at his place. Female brains are fucked up haha. I think by now, most of you can tell that I have difficulties saying no to friends, eh? Especially to those who insist too much. Like I said, I didn't have enough time to think of an excuse either.

...obviously, I'm not interested at all.

I either tell him directly, tell him indirectly or...do nothing, wait and hope that he gets the message by himself.

...and to be honest, I don't know how to deal with this and I don't have the guts to tell him directly, but it's going to make the situation worst if I wait. Usually, when it's a random dude, I can do whatever I like; ignore his calls, ignore his texts, kick him in the nuts by "accident", make the situation awkward just to see his reaction, bring him to a super expensive place to make him pay the bill, but Jonathan is a friend and it's not like he did anything wrong to me...

I don't want to say things like "hey dude, I love you so much, we're like brother and sister!"...totally lame and cheesy. No one says that except the fobs from somewhere in Asia.

What a long post for absolutely nothing. In short, I need to find the nicest and least awkward way to say no and hope he doesn't insist further more. Fuck. SOMEONE HELP ME!

PS.: So he called me today (friday) for the movie, and I used the same excuse again "I have a lot to study, next time maybe?". Then he asked when is next time, and luckily my sister was playing piano in the background so I told him I couldn't hear him properly and that we'll talk later..."later". I'm lame!

Ouch

It's been 2 months and I don't know why but that thing just doesn't heal.
I'm seriously considering taking this off...not.

I thought you guys might want to see how nasty it is haha...

Past midnight dilemma

It's nearly 3 AM right now...

I usually go to bed before midnight because I prefer waking up earlier. Today is an exception and the only reason I'm still awake is because there were too much distraction this morning so I decided to study a little more while everyone is sleeping.

...and I ALWAYS face the same painful dilemma when I stay up late: To eat or to not eat.

Choice#1: Eat. The problem is that I'm probably going to bed soon and I'm running the risk of gaining a few more pounds. My mom told me to stop eating cheese haha...

Choice#2: Not eat. ...but I'm sooooo HUNGRY!!!

What to do, what to do?

Annoying text messages

I don't want to be mean but are there seriously people who send text messages to others everyday?

I'm only talking about those msn type of text messages that elicit a somewhat long conversation like "How are you?" , "What are you doing?" and those text message that are completely useless like "Good morning" and "Good night". I don't get why people do this. Like...does it even matter if I'm sleeping, studying or showering? Are you going to miss school if you don't say "good morning" to me? Are you going to sleep better after sending me a "good night"? Because that doesn't make a difference to me and the only message I get from this is "I HAVE UNLIMITED TEXT MESSAGES!", not how much you care if that's the message you want to get through. AND if it's because you're bored...then texting people is not a solution, getting a life is what you need.

If it's only once in a while and if you only have a little thing to say then I guess it's fine, but every single day?! You know what a telephone is for? To talk. Wait...are there still people who use their phone to talk? I think I'm too old-fashioned, ha.

If it were just anyone else, I would just ignore, but that guy is still my friend and he's a nice person and I don't want to make him feel bad, y'know. So I don't know what to do. Oh and, I'm talking about Jonathan, he's been texting me everyday for a week now and it doesn't stop! And it could seriously go on for hours when he does it.

*new text message beep*
*new text message beep*
*new text message beep*
*new text message beep*
*new text message beep*
*beep beep beep*

That's just annoying.
I hope he's going to stop gradually without having me to tell him.

Text messages, e-mails, msn, and such, make communication more convenient indeed, but if they are unreasonably used then all they do is creating barriers. In a city like Montreal, people are too busy to realize it unless they know what it is to "live in the jungle". I never lived in a jungle, but I have lived in a place where technology accessibility is questionable and people there just don't rely on it that much, but bonds between people were definitely stronger and more meaningful.

To the rest of you guys, don't abuse text messages, e-mails and msn unless your boyfriends/girlfriends/friends live on the other side of the world ;)

Don't go with the flow

The answer to my problems is actually a question; "Would I rather regret something I did or something I didn't do". And, I'd rather regret something I did. That's how I know I'm not the type of person who can with the flow. Going with the flow indeed makes life easier but it’s also a reality escape not easy to wake up from.

Why go with the flow when you clearly know the ending? The desperate go with the flow because they can't accept reality. The helpless go with the flow because they are left with no choice.

If you don't know what to do, if you’re not happy, if you're confused and lost, if you think you're trapped, if you don't like your job or your major or whatever, if someone is giving you only 1% of hope, then don't be afraid to be the first to smash everything and say "so what!". It might be hard, but just do it and it's going to make you feel so peaceful, you won't regret. Life is short and you don't want only 1% of what you deserve, you don't even want 50% or 70%, alright? It's all or nothing, now or never. Instead of going blindly with the flow, just take a step backward and realize that it's not the end of the world regardless of whatever and whoever you lose. You were born possessing nothing, remember? You can always start over, always.

Going with the flow hoping that it might turn out better when you already know the ending? It's good to be hopeful, but if it's a reality then better accept it. Anyone can do much better than the flow if they just step out of their comfort zone for a bit.

Don't go with the flow,
Only dead fish might do so.

People we don't want to think about

It's perfectly normal to think about things or people we might not want to think about now. You might not like it, but it's normal. We're only humans and it's not like we have alzheimer either, right? It's fine and healthy as long as you deal with it and acknowledge it because denial is not a way out. Know where you stand; we're here for now but we absolutely don't have to be here forever. It's just part of life.

Canon SLR

Dumped the Sony. Got this today, Canon SLR. Love it.

Me: MOM!!! Look what I bought!
Mom: Let me remind you that you're not even paying your phone bills.

Watched movies

I get a message starting with "I LOVE YOU A LOT..." so I was like....FUCK! Don't tell me someone is confessing their love for me, I'm already busy enough with school. It turned out that it was just one of those chain text messages because it said something like "Send this to 14 people you love a lot and I'm waiting for mine if you love me too" in the end, so I was relieved.

Then, that same guy texts me again to invite me to the movies. Oh, and that guy's name is Jonathan, I hope he's not reading this. I remember I kind of found him attractive at some point; it was those days I were into latinos and italians, and he happens to be that perfect mix. We always have a lot to talk about at work and it was fun working together, and sometimes we see each other at Copa but always with other people. That was basically it.

Finally, we decided to watch movies at his place. The question is: Do guys actually invite girls to their place without thinking about having sex with her? Considering the fact that we're not even that close? Or, do I have a dirty mind?

I don't really like hanging out just me and a male friend, especially if that's not in public. I'm not a prude, I just made new rules. The new rule is: I'll not continue to see any guys I slept with; I'm not even going to say Hi on the street if we bump into each other. A one night stays a one night, can't give less of a shit, feelings involved or not. That applies to everyone and in every case, even if that guy is my friend, because let me tell you that I'm not afraid to end a friendship. So I just try to avoid that as much as possible and be careful not to mess things up, which also means that I'll never be as close with a guy as I would be with a girl...unless that guy is gay or unless it's my slave boyfriend obviously! I'm not saying that guys and girls can't be close friends...it's just that I'm too pretty for that. Hahahaha...

So, I really just wanted to watch movies and maybe he also just wanted to watch movies too y'know, who knows. I even wore jogging pants and an ugly t-shirt to make sure I'm not giving him the wrong idea haha. Yeah, so we watched 2 movies on his...bed.

The weird part is that nothing happened.
I probably have a dirty mind hahaha..

Mister Cheater : Another failed attempt

Jason...Chung.

Jesus Christ.

That guys really does things that makes me wonder...WTF!

If I haven't told you guys yet, he's in one of my class. I started to think that he's not that bad; he listens to my rants, always stupidly smiles to everything I say and brings me candies once in a while...I hate candies though. Anyways.

What I 've noticed is that...Jason is actually very smart although he doesn't look like he is. Got much smarter and more patient. Sometimes, I really don't know what the hell he's hiding behind that stupid smile. He's really weird, and even that guy who was in our group project says he's weird, so I'm not the only one who thinks so. Sometimes, you gotta ask why someone is that nice to you...

So, on tuesday, he told me that he's resigning from his business manager position and asked if I were interested, I was. Then, he told me to send him my CV, transcript and cover letter, which I did. He said that the board of directors will have the last word but he will try to help. I sent him everything.

On wednesday morning he sent me an e-mail asking if were interested in the advertising manager's position instead, probably because I look like I can sell and because they are looking for full-time business manager. I can't do full-time.

Alright, I'm not gonna go in details, but here's what's wrong: He was supposed to meet the directors in the afternoon of wednesday, so did he already knew they wanted a full-time manager when he asked me on tuesday or did he meet the directors tuesday night? OOPS! That guy totally wanted to trick me again. He clearly already knew they only wanted a full-time manager when he asked me on tuesday. He knows I want to work. Maybe he didn't even want to resign and if I were adverstising manager, that would only allow him the great honor to see me everyday. It makes it even more scary now he has all my info (the transcript).

That guy lies ALL THE TIME, but not just out of boredom if you know why I mean, he puts in lots of efforts. He would be a very good liar if he at least knew that not all girls are stupid and easy like his girlfriend y'know. I'd be so embarassed if I were him. He already lied about not having a girlfriend, that he's going back to his country for good, blablabla, you know what for?

Here's why.

Jason: If you get the job, do I get a one night date with you? Me: Hahaha...

haha...HA!

Fuck you.

Elaine, you at school?
Elaine, you want to study at my place?
Elaine, you want to go eat before class?
Elaine, where are you?
Elaine, you're not coming to class?
Elaine, let's go drink. Everything on me.
Elaine. Elaine. ELAINE!!!

Looks like he really wants his one night "date".

I think one of the reasons why girls are labelled "complicated" is because...geez, with so many motherfuckers like Jason around, you can't really think that you're living in a fairytale!

Dicks...Tch.


PS.: When I re-read this crap, I wonder why am I even talking about him. So, unless he does something exceptionally stupid, I won't talk about that loser ever again.

I enjoy being a student!

As most already know, I'm jobless now.

I can't go do my hair and nail at the salon.
I can't buy clothes, make-up, shoes, bags.
I can't eat at restaurants everyday.
I can't get braces and boob job.
I can't go on vacation.
I broke my camera and I don't have money to buy a new one.
I broke my laptop and well... I had to get a new one, haha.

There's that friend of mine who is in the same situation and that's going to sound weird but we're really having fun doing this. I mean, why don't we stop complaining for a second and look at our situation from a different angle? We are not going to be students for that long anymore. We will graduate soon and this is going to be over. We should enjoy this while we're here. Bringing our "super" lunch to school, eating in study rooms, going window shopping, studying hardcore in the library, stressing for exams, saving money and making priorities...isn't that fun in a way?

If you think it's boring, you're making it boring.
If you think it sucks, you suck.

Stop complaining and try to find the positive instead!
It is whatever you want it to be.

Life's great

So, there was that guy who thought I were in love because I kept smiling while studying, hahaha.

Really, nothing special happened…

It’s just that I see at all those fucked up people. People who consciously, or unconsciously fake everything they are not just to look more interesting in the hope to be appreciated. People who forgot the meaning and value of really basic things...or maybe simply never learned it. People who always have to argue, lie, compare and fight to prove that they are superior and smarter. Is that even that important? There are also those people who are almost in their thirties and still don’t know what they are doing and what they want. People who are lost and don’t know where they are going and even if they know where they are going, they live life like they are colorblind…People who wake up a bit too late? or worst, people not able to wake up?

It’s just sad…
I’m not making those up…

I’m just very thankful I’m not one of them. You can argue that I’m as crazy, but at least I don’t see myself like that. I work hard and I'm motivated. I don't complain and appreciate what I have. I might be living in my bubble but I'm satisfied doing what I'm doing and I'm away from the trouble and gossips. Most importantly, I know how to look back, ask how I got here. Whether it was wonderful or awful, I can leave it behind. I don't feel sorry, I don't regret and I don't know what it is to be embarrassed, call me thick skinned, call me bitch, but I'm pretty lucky to be such a bitch. And I’m really, really, really happy I have perfect vision; I get to see pretty colors!

I don't know if you guys feel me or not. It's something that I always knew but couldn't totally accept, maybe because I were too young, immature and couldn't look beyond imperfections, couldn't stop going after things I don't need, never satisfied with anything, took people for granted. I was probably more fucked up than those people I mentioned above. I'm still young, but like I said, people wake up at different times and some just never do...But if you do, you wake up as a better and happier person. I still have a lot more to learn. It's hard to describe that, so I'll make it cheesy: it feels better than being in love!

Sometimes I smile to myself like an idiot and think “Damn, life’s so great"!

*mirror mirror*

This is one of those posts I got absolutely nothing interesting to talk about except that...

It's not my fault; it's hereditary. The fact is that all my family from my mom's side are mirror-addicts and superficial people; we all care about the way we look more than we care about our lives. From the oldest, my great-grandmother gets change 10 times and looks in the miror 100 times before going out. My little cousin mandy, who's like 7 years old, rather freeze to death to show her dress off than putting on her jacket. And yes I'm serious.

I feel so

Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
Wish I could feel no pain
Wish I was young
Wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
Wish I was you not I

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so careless
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so careless
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

-Box Car Racer