2013

In 2013, I challenged myself physically and mentally. Through the 30 days yoga challenge, I learned to transform the way my mind works, to slow it down sometimes, to take the time to listen to my body.  I also learned about nutrition and healthier habits. Oh, and I lost about 30 pounds!

In 2013, I made good decisions, and I learned to not settle for less than what I believe in. I put an end to an almost 3 years long relationship. People deserve second chances and sometimes a third too, but you will know in your heart when it’s time to step away and move on.  

In 2013, I took risks.  I finally found the answer to what I always wanted to know, even half way around the world. The answer is not about searching an answer; it is accepting that there are no answers, literally. Endings can have loose ends too.

In 2013, I travelled through parts of Africa, witnessed the beautiful sunset, expansive landscape, wildlife, and some of the greatest natural wonders. I met people that inspired me with their stories and strength which all gave me some new perspective and new directions. Africa will always have a piece of my heart.

In 2013, I learned to appreciate the outdoors. As human beings, we sometimes aren't able to contextualize our place in this world...but in the oceans, on the mountains, we can see this clearly. They make us feel humble and lucky to be there for a short moment.

In 2013, I reconnected with good old friends. Having travelled to many places, much of my life has felt temporary. I make friends that I say goodbye to the next day. Parting ways is bittersweet. Sometimes, I see them again, sometimes I don't…but I'm eternally thankful for the amazing people I've met over the years, but even more thankful for the ones I had the chance to reconnect with.

In 2013, I found an awesome job in an awesome firm. I’m excited and confident to take on more responsibilities and new challenges. Although I still want to be relocated to Australia, I learned that choosing one path doesn’t mean that you have to ignore the other.

In 2013, I signed a mortgage. This happened at a timing that I was able to prove that I was stable and debt-free. Through this experience, I can feel their hardship and worries a little more. That was the whole point of moving to a foreign land 20 years ago...

2013 has been an amazing year, probably one of the best years in my life; everything just felt meant to be. I’m excited about what’s next. Where will I go, and who will I meet? What will inspire and shape my world?

Being a retard in a shopping center

My new toy

Oh my god!!!

I'm a suck-up

"Should I write a thank you card to everyone? I mean...not everyone, but just the managers and partners?"

"Are you really going to do such suck-up things?!"

"Well, I am a suck-up. What's wrong with that, as long as it works...and when no one knows, it's called being charming."

"True. I remember that e-mail you sent to a potential employer...I've seriously never seen such an incredible suck-up message.

"Oh, shut up."

Resignation

I gave my resignation today...

I never thought I would say this, but I really will miss this firm. I will miss the receptionist who talks to herself all the time, the typist who complains all day and her conversations about weather and food downstairs but she was always willing to help, manager P that I didn't get along with at the beginning but our relationship slowly got better, partner J who gave me a chance when I had zero auditing experience, partner A and the trust he placed in me, manager V who was difficult but pushed me to think further, and the one manager who always brings me fashion magazines...and all the clients who stressed me out but made me learn so much about their businesses, I will miss them all; the good times as well as the bad ones.

I was nobody when I first started working here, and now I've grown so much and acquired all these experiences that will continue to benefit my career. People at the workplace really took care of me well, gave me chances, and wanted me to stay...

But I'm very definitely ready for the next challenge.

Adios.

My photos featured in TAP travel calendar

The Abhilasha Project has mission to provide quality education to blind and handicapped children in India. They started a travel calendar featuring pictures from all around the world. My photos "the man selling grapes" taken in Turpan, China and "the Centenarian" taken in Tashkent, Uzbekistan are featured in the month of January and April :)

Click here if you're interested in purchasing the calendar. 100% of the proceeds will be donated to the Red Cross to help people affected by the typhoon in the Philippines.

Live the questions now

"I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

The parts of me that don't make any sense

There are parts of me that I don't understand. It is possibly somewhere on a mountain, flowing along the river, in the middle of the ocean, or in an irrelevant past, and I never live a moment fully and completely.

There has been time when I wanted to fast-forward everything just so I can see the end results. I'm an optimist. I like to see all the reasons, all the slim chances, all the minor possibilities and all the maybes...the only thing I didn't realize is, he doesn't even respect me enough to respond. I will never understand why. Why do I keep doing this to myself. Why do I hang on to these improbabilities. Is there a reason at all?

Sometimes, I tell myself those lies that if I move to another country, I will move on. If I meet someone else, they will help me move on. The next couple of months are crucial to me, because I'll be headed in an another direction. I don't know where yet, but wherever my life goes, I'll be happy. Maybe I will find a way to connect those dots again, maybe somewhere on the mountain, flowing along the river, in middle of the ocean, or perhaps in a future where things will make sense.

Why is an endless charade of questions, and so I have to let go of the charade; to give myself a chance to live.

Maybe we'll get it right next time.

I can look serious too

One life

On a long bus journey through Tanzania, "Why did you get that tattoo?" I asked Michael, pointing at his tattoo on his right arm that reads One Life.

"...because my right leg grew deformed and I had tons of surgeries around my knee", he replied as he rolled his shorts up to show me the scars, "the doctor said that I cannot do any sports anymore, but 3 weeks later, he saw me running on the beach".

He said that it still hurts when he does exercises, but he still perseveres. He wanted to climb Kilimanjaro and he did. This is one of the reasons why I look up to him in a way. I also have back injury and I've felt like a victim for a long time, thinking that life was really unfair to me.

Michael comes from a smaller city in western Australia. He is a very active person and loves mountains and the outdoors. I once looked through his phone and saw his list of goals to accomplish and skill sets to acquire withing 2.5 years. The skills that he wishes to acquire include sailing, and other things that I don't remember. His goals include purchasing a house, becoming chartered, finding a good girl. He tells me that he's never been in love, he's always been the heartbreaker and none of his relationships lasted longer than 8 months...but this isn't because he is not serious, but because he is too serious...

"What if you don't fall in love even at 80 years old?" I asked.

"Then it's just not meant to be." he replied. "Have you ever been in love?"

"I don't know..."

He really inspired me, and I haven't met many people who can inspire me to change my life. His perseverance, the way he approaches life, his strength, etc...I once was so broken that I settled for someone who I thought would be more appropriate for me at that time...and I don't totally regret, but I shouldn't have went back again and again after breaking up. I just thought that I would never fall in love, but at least I'm with someone who's a good friend. Michael inspired me to not settle unless I fall in love, and if it never happens, then it's okay...it's just not meant to be. He inspired me to find someone who has clear goals and plans to accomplish them...

Meeting Michael and all the incidents that happened in Africa makes me feel shiny and new, and everything suddenly means something different; it made me realize that it might not be too late for me, and I don't have to be so obsessed about people from the past. I'm someone who believes in fate, and Africa has given me many signs to move on and to start over. 

I love travelling, and sometimes, I think about how my life could've gone in a total diffrerent direction and I imagine looking at my life from a distant future. Sometimes, I have dreams of flight, to live a different life in a different world, to never come back...
 

...and to be honest, I also want to relocate to Australia. It used to be a place where I had no interest to visit, and I'm not exactly sure why I want to go there, maybe I just want to escape some thoughts? Maybe I'm still on vacation mode? Most of my decisions are not based on reasons...same as the fact that I still don't know the reasons for which I decided to go to Africa...but somewhere inside, I knew I had to go...and I don't regret.

The reality is that I cannot just leave Montreal like that. Other people can, but I can't. My parents rely on me financially, and I cannot just go work on the beach or in a restaurant for a living. This is my biggest concern at the moment.

I don't know how things will go, and I don't know if I'll be happier there either. The truth is that, I don't always follow through; maybe I will, maybe I won't...but I believe that if I'm meant to go there then, it will happen. If not, I will find what I've been looking for here as well. 

Mont Mégantic, Victoria and Saint-Joseph

The hike itself really isn't that hard, it's more the fact that I went with a group that is known to be aggressive. They walk fast like machines; I don't even normally walk that fast on flat surface. I also didn't know that we were going over 3 mountains of more than 1000m each in less than 6 hours. It was really challenging, especially on the way down because my knees were hurting and I had to keep going. I now know what it feel like when endurance is barely enough to carry your body; I felt humbled.

Nonetheless, I'm really happy that I made it through and I met a bunch of awesome people...but my legs are hating me now.

Here are pictures of me trying to catch up with a bunch of dudes...

Good girl

"What was your impression of me when we were in China?" I ask Antoine. Antoine is someone I met when I was studying in China 5 years ago. He is a pilot, has climbed some of the highest mountains, and has been all around the world. He is quite similar to me because we both like to take the least traveled roads, and he is also very open-minded.

"You were a good girl, and you still are," Antoine says.

"Really?" I was surprised since not many people think that way. People say that I look like someone who graduated from high school, works in a restaurant and goes to club every night.

"Yeah, you did your own things and you never tried to impress anybody."

Finally, someone who thinks I'm a good girl. I'm happy that there's someone who doesn't judge me using the same standards as other people would.

"Did you ever go back to Hangzhou?"

"No, Hangzhou is a sacred place, we should go back when we're old."

"I might cry if I go back when I'm old."

Le P'tit Train du Nord

It's my first weekend since I got back from Africa today, and I kind of recovered from the jet lag, so I went cycling. Le P'tit Train du Nord is 230 km long, but I only did a short 34 km. The scenery and all the colors were so pretty, had lunch in a nice little place at Val-David with some friendly people, visited a random gallery, and the weather was perfect!

The perfect Saturday...:)

Just some pictures taken before I left

Photographed by F.

7 countries later...

It almost feels like I just woke up from a dream as I'm writing this. I feel weird using a computer...I've lived like a cave woman in the past month, but I've met some amazing people, thought through some stuff and had the time of my life. It was hard at times, but I feel accomplished in retrospect.

My hair is dusty, my nails are broken, my skin is brown, bruises and scars here and there and I stink. I came home and scrubbed myself from head to toe, and regained some personal hygiene after a month of camping. Can you believe that I've only done my laundry once in this whole month? My mom said she has to wash my clothes twice because the water is brown, and she found an African ant in my clothes.

I actually can't think right now, too many things have happened...I feel more free now and I can see my life changing in a different direction. But I still need some more time to completely wake up from this dream...

Zurich

I arrived in Zurich before the sun rose and took a train to the main station. I walked along famous Bahnhofstrasse that led to old town. I discovered a tranquil square that offered a nice view across river Limmat where the oldest section of the town was situated. I also walked passed St. Peter church with the largest clock face of Europe. I continued walking further south along the river and reached a lake where the mountain range can usually be seen from there...but it happened to be a bad day, so I couldn't see anything.

Here's Zurich in pictures...

Ngorongoro crater and Serengeti

This is the Ngorongoro Crater; it is one of the seven natural wonders of Africa. I did several game drives here; it was really amazing. I saw a lake of pink flamingos, a zebra fight, the ugly fives, impalas, hippos, lions, leopards, etc...It was good to see all these animals interactions.

Again, I did not take many pictures of animals...I also didn't really write about it due to some things that happened that week. After that, I departed the crater to go to the Serengeti to camp in the wild...and did some more game drives.

Some highlights:
-Apparently, 3 hyenas came into the camp site...but I was asleep so I didn't see them.
-I saw a hyena eating another hyenas...I saw the long intestines on the grass and vultures around that were waiting for their turn to eat.
-I saw a 2 lions ripping apart a zebra and 3 little cubs climbing around rocks.
-I saw a lion that found some shades behind a jeep.

I think most know what happened in Nairobi, so I did not visit it unfortunately.

The beach in northern Zanzibar - Indian Ocean

I went snorkeling today...and seeing all the corals and colorful fish just freaks me out. Yes, I just realized that I hate snorkeling...the sound of the water in my ears, that suffocating feeling...At least, I tried.

Nonetheless, the beach is Zanzibar is the most beautiful I've seen so far, the water is clear and the sand is white and clean. Some things happened here and it gave me some inspirations...but I'll talk about this later.

Also, I'm taking a break from camping :)

Stone town

Yesterday, I took a ferry known as the "vommit commit" from Dar Es Salaam to Zanzibar. It was very rough; couldn't even stand on the boat. The staff gave everyone sick bags just in case. Everyone was grumpy and dizzy. I did make use of the sick bag on the way back to Dar es Salaam by the way. I puked 3 times.. How embarrassing!

Zanzibar is quite humid and there are many palm trees. It is a Muslim country, which is why I like it. There is something about the smell, and all the spices that I love. The buildings are generally white...I feel like this could be Morocco, even though I've never been...

I spent the day getting lost in the alleys with another girl.

"Do you dare?" Chloe would ask at the entrance of every suspicious alley.

"Let's do it!" I reply, every time.

We went to all the creepiest alleys. We had a map but we didn't bother using it. We tried to stay away from the tourists streets where people try to sell you soccer jerseys...even though I bought one, ha. People are friendly here, everyone greets you with "Jambo!", which means hello. We saw kids playing soccer on the streets, we met a man who seemed scary at first, but he told us a story about a slave who wanted to marry a non-slave. People wanted to kill them, but instead, they were sent to Australia. He seemed like someone with lots of history and battle scars. Maybe he once was somebody...

Oh, by the way, Zanzibar is the birth place of the man of my life, Freddie Mercury! We had lunch at Mercury's restaurant, which was situated by the beach.

The drinks all had a special name, such as "Fat bottomed girl" or "Bohemian Rhapsody".

...and this used to be Freddie Mercury's house.

I had so much fun exploring stone town. We also went to a market and a butchery...it was so smelly, but we tried to be adventurous, hehe.

Hakuna Matata!