2019 was probably one of the happiest years of my adult life. There were many good changes and moments out of my comfort zone. It was one of the years where I've mostly made good decisions for myself, overall stayed aligned with my values and one where I was living. Even though I might have accomplished more in previous years, I don't know if I was truly happy...maybe I was more proud than happy.
This year, I woke up in a small town in Arizona in the middle of a snowstorm wishing I was home. I was in a relationship where I was unhappy and lonely. I was walking on eggshells; there were more crying and yelling than talking. But as one of my best friend would say, the best thing about this in 2019, is that it's finally over.
In the middle of winter, I brought Dyno home. Puppyhood was exhausting but I learned so much about life and the art of living it. Dyno made me realize I needed to slow down and prioritize the things that are meaningful...and suddenly, I'm not that busy anymore. I can just go live my life and try new things, see new things and learn new things. He has filled my life with joy ever since.
This year, I've developed an interest in handicrafts, and home depot became my favorite store. Most furniture in my home is custom and made of different types of wood. I also built some little things such as tree stump stools, wooden spool table and Dyno's crate. I'm not going to lie, I did get help from my ex and others friends. I like that every piece looks unique and has a story. When people ask me where I bought this or that...I'm going to say, I made it.
As spring slowly settled in, I reconnected with an old friend and we took a latte art class together...the kind of thing I would never have done before. She really inspired me because she was not afraid to explore her interests to see where a little spark would take her. She was full of ambitions and not afraid to connect with different people...kind of like my younger self, but I feel I've lost that passion. She reminded me that life is not a race and to not be afraid to waste time to do things that you normally would not do. Always keep an open mind because there is a whole universe we would not see had we chosen otherwise.
In spring, I started doing Yoga again, but this time with a different approach. I used to do yoga as a physical activity, I did it to feel stronger and loose weight. There were times when going to class felt like a chore to me, and I could not wait to be done so I could do the other two million things on my to-do list. There were also times I decided to sleep through class...why would I even do this if I chose to be there you might ask. I think sometimes you feel you have to do things but the intention is not there. Now, I put in effort to focus on the mind and be present during class. A session of yoga makes me feel so good and it helps me find clarity.
I also started painting. I do it so rarely and the times I do, it really takes my mind off things. When I was younger, I was often distracted. I often multi-tasked to save time and to get things done quicker. Now I really value focus and painting helps with concentration. Also, it allows me to escape my analytical mind, the straight lines and the rules.
This year, I started meditating more...and to be honest, I can hardly do it for more than 30 seconds at a time before I get lost in my thoughts again. However, all these things, like paining, doing yoga and listening to audiobooks help me focus on one thing at a time. It's so important to notice your thoughts and to not get involved in them. I'm still not very good at it but this is something I want to dedicate some time to on a daily basis.
This year, I saw shooting stars for the first time. I was sitting by the fire, not paying attention to the sky at all, but as soon as I looked up, the shooting stars ran across the sky and, and disappeared in the blink of an eye. I wouldn't have notice them had I not look up at the right moment. In life and as in this case, one of the most important things is timing. It never ceases to amaze me, and it makes our imagination go wild because we will never understand these meaningful coincidence without causal relationship, but I'm sure are related.
This summer, I started lead climbing. I've mostly done bouldering since I started climbing and it's a good way to practice technical skills and power movements. However lead climbing really made me stronger. The adrenaline you feel while you climb, the fear when you're at your uttermost limit before you have clipped and the endorphin after you fall makes it one of my favorite climbing styles.
Additionally, I've also started climbing outside. Climbing at the gym is good for training but the real fun is outdoors. It is challenging physically, but in my opinion, the real challenge is the knot inside our mind. I learned to focus and not let fear and irrationality get to me, to trust my belayer, my equipment and I need to trust my judgement. It's a real mental exercise...and you are only as capable as you believe you are.
I'm also finally able to do pull ups. Two years ago, I bought a pull-up bar and made it my resolution to do pull-ups. I gave up after a month. This summer, as I was walking in a park, I saw a pull-up bar and decided to give it a try and I did 3 in a row. I know it's not a lot but I was so happy because I didn't even know I could. I did drop 20 pounds this summer too so that definitely helped. However this isn't the point. The point is, it doesn't matter what your body looks like, what's most important is what it can do. Being strong is so much more satisfying than being pretty. My hands are full of callous but I can do pull ups on my finger tips.
This summer, I tried pole-dancing for the first time because I received 30 free passes. Naturally as a rock-climber, I have a lot of upper body strength and strong grip so I can do most moves after a few sessions, but not necessarily executed in the most gracious way. You need a good combination of strength, feminine power, confidence and vulnerability to do this. I know many girls find it empowering but I personally never experienced body image issues so to me, it was just fun. I definitely prefer climbing walls but I'm happy I tried pole-dancing too.
I tried SUP for the first time this summer as well, something I wanted to try for a very long time. Sometimes, just getting off that chair, clear your agenda and actually take action is the hardest part, and it's never that motivating. However once you've done it, you would be so glad you did and it's always worth it.
This year, I did not travel anywhere far, mostly because of Dyno. However, we did some road trips together and there are so many more places I want to go to. I always wanted to try vanlife but I know it's not for me in the long-run. However, I want to do it just for a month for fun. Next year, I want to drive all the way to the west of the continent and hike all the national parks and come back from the USA.
As summer was coming to an end, I went canoe-camping for the first time. I never took the courage to actually go because I was scared of different things that could happen in the water, and the weather might not be good, and I don't even know how to properly navigate a canoe, etc. One day for a reason I can't explain, I just felt like I had to do it. You don't have to wait for someone to be available to do things with you, you can be comfortable alone and have lots of fun. Wait, I'm not alone, I have my dog.
This year, I started cooking more...mostly for my family once in a while. When I was younger, I sometimes go eat at my grand-parent's place, but having them over is something I have never done before. Cooking with someone is bonding, and cooking for others too. On regular days, I still shamelessly eat at my parent's house.
As the year is almost coming to an end, I found new business goals. I used to say I wanted to retire in my thirties because I've lost my ambition. In my junior years, I did everything I could to get what I wanted, but now I don't want to exchange time for money anymore. I know I'm already very lucky I don't have to work everyday and can work from anywhere but I'm still very much exhausted, maybe because I've grown complacent. I just can't help but roll my eyes anymore. However this year, some combination of factors made me want to do something different and learn something new. I want that uncertainty and excitement again. If you don't believe you are average, then try something new and seize an opportunity, then see how many obstacles and bad decisions it takes before you decide to quit. Statistically, after 1 or 2 failed attempts at something new or difficult, 99.9% of people never try again. I want to find out where I stand in those statistics.
For 2020, I will keep doing things with intent and meditate more. I will keep living a minimalist lifestyle. I will put my health and well-being above everything. I will continue to try new things and go to new places with Dyno. I will stay aligned with my values when facing tough decisions. I also hope to find the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life expected of me and I hope to have the courage to express true feelings and be happy.
