2013 Resolutions...kind of

Jonathan still haven't gave me the keys, but I'll leave that aside for now, because he got me a really nice Christmas gift, and he usually never gives me anything, not even for my birthday. Can you believe?! Anyways, he got me a necklace. I normally wouldn't have purchased that style of necklace on my own, especially because I'm not a jewelry person, but thinking about such a macho hairy teddy bear walking into a jewelry store to pick up a gift for his girlfriend really makes me laugh.

Since I came back from my trip, I've become very lazy. It just feels great to be a useless person doing pointless things once in a while. I've been watching Chinese series everyday, as soon as I come back home from work. I've been doing stretching exercises recommended by the chiropractor. Yes, I gave up on physiotherapy and acupuncture. I really hope I can fully recover someday, so I can continue to live.

So, in 2012, I set some goals, but I wouldn't consider them resolutions. I wanted to pass my CPA exams, which I did. To take 3 months off and go backpacking, which I did as well. To get back into shape, which I kind of indirectly did because I travelled and that involved sweating, moving around, carrying stuff, duh! I also wanted to read more, but I did not. Lastly, I wanted another designation, but I don't see the point of it at this stage in my career. I might still go for the CFE tittle later.

For 2013, here are the things that I would like to accomplish:

• Accumulate enough hours to officially become a CPA. Ha, that should be easy if I don't get fired.

• I've grown out of many things that used to matter after I came back, but I'm still obsessed over one thing, which I will not specify. I'm hoping I can grow out of it by the end of 2013.

• I just registered a business at the REQ to keep myself occupied. It's also related to my interest, which is good. I'm currently just testing products, so I won't reveal much for now.

• I bought a new camera that I don't know how to use yet. I need to learn how to use it, haha.

• I eat too much and don't exercise. I probably won't be able to eat less, but I will try to find a way to exercise more.

• Read the books I just bought on Amazon. It's difficult for me to read because I'm very picky about where and when I can read. I have perfect vision for a reason.

• Write more. I obviously haven't wrote much, because nothing has been going on in my life for the past 2 months.

• I'm already doing it, but I will learn a new dish every other week.

• Learn a new language for at least one hour on weekends.

• Try new things in Montreal, because I realize how I don't know Montreal that much at all. I've been to many countries, but I've never really seen Canada...I will start by celebrating New Year's Eve differently this year.

That's all!

Oh, guess what? I'm working tomorrow.

At 00:11 on January 1st, 2009.

Keys

Why would he leave his back door unlocked, but not give me the keys? A month after we started dating, he said he would give me the keys, and a year and months later, it never happened. He now says that he is not ready for that and would like to meet my parents first. Why does he even want to meet my parents? To me, it's just a question of convenience since nobody shovels the snow in the backyard. Why can't he just make my life easier?

We are kind of happy together when I'm in a good mood, but I'm not in a good mood because of him. Also, I really don't see myself introducing him to my parents any time soon...he won't give me the keys and won't try a little to make my life easier and he seriously cannot be trusted. In conclusion, he is still on probation.

Toe nails

People ask me how much I spend at the salon. The answer is zero.

So little to say

I have so much to express but so little to say.

Although it's not exactly where I hoped it would be yet, and despite the little imperfections and occasional headaches, my life has never been more peaceful. I laugh, cry and forget all the next day. I feel less hung up on things and emotionally more complete.

I just don't have much to say.

Early christmas parties

-The veggies are overcooked, the chicken is too dry.
-People dress like peasants.
-The music sucks.
-Met someone who called me Jade when I introduced myself as Elaine.
-People are just weird...

"It makes me sad..."

"Aw, why?"

"Because you would break up with me if I had a penis."

"Gosh..."

"Four weeks after we started dating, you called me to tell me we should break up because your parents disapprove of me. You were crazy."

"Haha..."

He says it's petty that I get mad when he cannot meet me due of work. Do you know who wanted to meet in the first place? Not me.

I understand that he recently got promoted and has to work harder, but that's really no excuse to say that you will do such and such with someone and cancels last minute, and every fucking time? If it gets to a point where you can't even approximately predict when you will finish all your work, it's either you or your manager who has time management problem.

..but that's not the reason why I'm mad.The real reason why I'm mad is because he calls me and expects me to understand that he has work. To me, it's not a sign that he's hard-working or whatever he pretends to be, it's a sign of incompetence. And do you know who has work too? Me.

Places I will go in the next 5 years

China (Yunnan, Sichuan, Changbaishan, Henan, Guangdong)
Kazakhstan
Italia
Czech Republic
Egypt
New Zealand
Indonesia (Borneo)
Brazil
South Africa
Columbia
Bolivia
North Korea

To be continued...

Char siu

Every weekend, either me or Jonathan cooks. Last weekend, he made chili. I thought it was so cute when I saw on this computer a list of ingredients to make chili that he got from Internet. Next weekend will be my turn and I decided that I will make barbecued pork or "Char Siu". I woke my mom up at 10 AM, which is quite early for my mom, to teach me.

Ingredients

Pork. It doesn't matter how much. Any parts of a pork is good; some like the belly, some like the butt, but the best are the shoulders, because it's partly fatty and partly skinny. You can only find big pieces of pork like these in East Asian markets. The pork should be cut into pieces of about 1-inch thick.

2-3 tablespoons of Char Siu sauce
1/2 tablespoon of soy sauce
1/4 tablespoon of dark soy sauce, just for the color
honey

Directions

1. It's very simple, mix the Char Siu Sauce, the soy sauce and the dark soy sauce and rub everything with the pork. Leave it in the refrigerator for at least 3 hours, but longer if possible.

2. Add a rack to a roasting pan and fill the bottom pan with water, which will become the sauce.

3. No need to preheat, just place the meat on the rack and set it to broil for 30 minutes at 450°F.

4. Stop the oven, wait 10 minutes before opening. Flip to the meat over and brush the leftover marinade on top.

5. Roast the pork for another 10 minutes at 400°F.

6. Stop the oven, wait 5 minutes before opening. Brush honey on top.

7. Close the oven door. Leave it there for 5 minutes if it looks slightly burned. If not, roast for 2 more minutes at 300°F, or until it looks ready.

So simple!

The confused man saga, part 3

Yu - I should not have broken up with Yu. Yu is always willing to show me love. Yu believes in me, I think, lol :P. In 5 years? I see myself still with Yu. To what level? who knows? Children? If it makes sense, one day. Together in 5 years? definitely. How will this happen? I don't know exactly, but spending time together doing things together laughing together. Reminding you that you're not taken for granted. Then, if one day you deem me worthy, oh princess, (lol) maybe we can move in together. Maybe we can spend our Saturdays gardening in the summer, in suburbia, like Laval. Or maybe we can move to a big condo on the plateau, and spend Saturdays skating at parc Lafontaine in the winter. Just to say the possibilities are endless but the two constant variables can be, Yu and I :)

Sciatica

Say hi to Morocco!

I came back to Montreal last Sunday, started work on Tuesday and got a raise, yay! Everytime I come back home after a long period of time, I always feel so much taller and my bed looks so much bigger. It feels like so long ago already; it's as if nothing ever happened. People think it's so unbelievable for a girl like me to set foot in so many countries in three months but to me, it's nothing that extraordinary. The world really isn't that big when you look further.

I'm quite happy to be back because there are many things I want to do, but before I could focus on anything; I really need to cure my sciatica. It is really maddening; I can't even do the most basic things that people take for granted. I can't sit, I can't even sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, I can't work either but I have to. Last night, I slept for 3 hours and a half non-stop after smoking some weed. It was Jonathan's idea. We usually never agree on anything, but I was really desperate. I've been enduring this kind of pain for almost a year; it's consuming my life. Travelling made it worst...

I keep thinking that I'm too young for that...what am I going to do when I get older? How will I continue to endure this? Physiotherapy didn't really help me directly, I think I will try acupuncture...

Lisbon

"Are you in Portugal because you want to see where I come from?"

"Dude, you're only half Portuguese and to me, you're a Quebecer peasant."

"I'm jealous that you're in Lisbon..."

"Well...I liked Istanbul better."

"Shut up."

When I was in Laos, I met two Portugese, and they asked me about my plans. I told them that I'm going to Greece for a few days after Turkey. They immediately told me that Greece is boring; just a few islands here and there. Come visit Lisbon, they told me. So here I am!

Honestly, I thought I was in Montreal when I came out from the airport, but the older part of the city is really pretty. It's a good place to end my trip; it's relaxing and the weather is nice.

Someone stole my camera

After wearing the same clothes for two days, my suitcase have finally been returned to me this morning...but my DSLR, the charger for the DSLR, the charger for my point and shoot, and my earphones are missing.

Someone obviously went through my suitcase, and I knew it right when I saw it because the zipper wasn't zipped the same way I did it. I'm sure it's the driver because that would explain why it took so long to deliver it. I'm really sad. I don't care if it gives me a legit excuse to buy a new one, and I was actually more worried about my scarf made by the Cambodian orphan, but I want my fucking pictures :(

I'm having such a bad day and didn't feel like doing anything, so I decided to go to the bazaar to find someone to fix my leather bag...and some guy offered to fix it for free, and someone else offered to translate, he was cute by the way...I'm kind of in a better mood now...

...and thank god that nobody took my cat poop.

"Can you show up at the airport with a flower bouquet? Also, a poutine and a beer would be nice too."

"Stop talking."

"Oh, I have a better idea! Write me an essay about what you want to do for the next 10 years, and I will consider dating you."

"Elaine...no, I will not write an essay. I want to be with you, that's all."

"People can want things without doing anything to get them. What I'm asking you is to write me an essay if you want to date me, so you either write that essay or you stop talking about wanting to be with me."

"Okay..."

"Write something concrete, by the way..."

"Does it annoy you?"

"Yes! I hate it when you try to sound so smart, but you're not."

"...it's because I'm trying to be smarter than you. You always seem to have something else behind your mind. I'm still bothered by when you said that whatever I don't know won't hurt me..."

Istanbul

I'm really, but really pissed. I lost my suitcase!

I went to the Tashkent airport at 2 AM and waited 3 hours in total; not waiting as in shopping while waiting, but waiting as in queueing. I was already warned that it will be complicated to get out of Uzbekistan, but it wasn't only complicated, but very stressful. The flight was an hour late, and I had to transfer in Moscow. I made it to my next flight on time nonetheless, but I knew that my luggage might not make it, and that's exactly what happened.

I called the airport today and they said they sent it to my hotel, but the staff here said they didn't receive anything yet?! I'm near the end of my trip and there isn't really anything very expensive in my suitcase other than my DSLR and my cat poop coffee...but I want my fucking suitcase back!

...by the way, I flied with Aeroflot, the Russian airline. I heard they suck, and now I can confirm that the rumors are true.

Anyways, I'm in Istanbul at the moment and yes, I heard that Turkey is about to start a war with Syria, but you could be too careful all your life, y'know. It's quite awesome here, except that I can't walk down the street without getting harassed. Boys that go "are you looking for something? are you looking for me? I'm still here!" or "Hello lady, I love you," seriously ha, it's annoying most of the time. I'm still enjoying it; the city is very beautiful. Napoleon once said "If only one state existed on earth, Istanbul would be its capital".

Sunrise from Sultanahmet district :)

Aya Sofya.

Stunning architecture inside.

The Blue Mosque.

I wanted to go to the Grand Bazaar, and I think this is it. I didn't feel like asking anyone because that would make me look confused, and you know what happens what you look confused? Yes, people harass you. Always walk with a purpose!

Random street.

As I walked on the street, there was this man around 30 years of age that came to talk to me. I thought he was going to try to sell me the moon or the stars like the rest did, but he didn't. Isn't this weird? He seemed to know quite a lot of people. I saw that ad for a boat ride and told him I might be interested to go...and he said he knows the guy who's selling the ticket and can get it cheaper for me, and that's what happened. He came with me on the boat, and we just talked a little about everything. Then, he invited me for dinner tonight...I said yes, but now that I think about it, I don't think I will show up. Is that mean? It might be a scam, it might not, I really don't know, especially because he mentioned that he wanted to take me to Taksim tonight...which is even more suspicious. My intuition tells me that he wanted to scam me but changed his mind for whatever reason, and my intuition never does me wrong.

Yay, boat ride!...with a stranger that I was trying to get rid of.

Bosphorus bridge connects Europe and Asia; it is also named suicide bridge, because it is the famous place to suicide after a break-up. Isn't it quite romantic to suicide in the middle of two continents?

The confused man saga, part 2

So one day, when I was in the far west of China, we talked. He was obviously a little tipsy, and he told me that he noticed that I was being more distant recently, but he knows what he wants now; he wants to be with me. He broke up with me because he didn't believe that I loved him, and also because I was going to leave for three months. I was like...what the fuck! This is absolutely not what he said a few months ago, and I clearly asked him then, he never mentioned this. I think he totally made that up. I can't remember what else we talked about, but I told him that we should stop talking and that I will not see him even when I come back. He will respect my decision, he said, and will stop contacting me if this is what I want...

As soon as we hung up, I went on my facebook and guess what. He left me another message already.

"I miss you very much...I care about you so much. I didn't believe you loved me, but I believe you love me now. As much as you may deny it or play like you're too cool. I love you too."

Wait, what? Why is this guy so stupid? I know he is tipsy, but...?!?!

Do I love him? Maybe I did at some point, but certainly not now. Why does he think that I love him now? After we broke up? And after all this time? Why not when we were together? This guy got everything wrong.

He just pretended that we didn't talk that day and continued to write me e-mails and even a poem. I hate how he always says that he wants to do this and that but never does anything. He said he would give a small toe to hear me say I miss him. I was like, dude, who needs a small toe? Nobody needs a small toe; it's the most useless body part!

After that, I went to Kyrgyzstan and met Iliaz. Iliaz and I are just friends, but we liked each other. I haven't felt so lighthearted in a while; it was as if I had a crush in high school. I didn't want to think about Jonathan; it was too minor of a problem for me to worry about. I ignored all his texts and e-mails until my last night in Kyrgyzstan, I finally decided to reply to him.

"I haven't had much time to think about you. But when I think about you, I think about when you broke up with me and stopped answering my phone calls, and then I think about when you refused to meet me because you were scared, and when we finally met again, you didn't want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. You said you broke up because I were leaving for three months, does that mean we will break up again next time I leave? It took only a few seconds of thinking for you to break up with me...I really don't know if I can be with someone as weak as you are. 

I really don't think it took you 2-3 months to figure out what you want...Maybe you're just lonely. The question when we broke up wasn't weather you wanted to be with me or not, but weather you see yourself getting married and having kids and a house in a few years from now. It might be sad for you to hear this but, you're wasting my time if you don't."

I think what I wrote was pretty clear and to the point. That doesn't mean that I want to be married to him, but do you know why there are so many women over thirty years old that are not married? It's because they wasted a year or two here and there with ones that are not going in the same direction as they are.

He wrote back saying that he wants that now. I wonder how the hell he changed his mind so quick. I just don't believe that he figured out what he wants in just a few months. Next time, I need to remember to ask him what made him change his mind. He also doesn't believe that I didn't have time to think about him. "You're great at pretending, or maybe you haven't thought about me recently because there's someone else/party scene that has your immediate attention, please explain because those are the hardest words to hear in your whole letter. Thinking about you thinking about me is what kept me tuned into you. Thinking that you can love me despite all this shit...maybe I'm wrong, which if I am I completely understand why, but please tell me baby because I'm hurting bad to hear you say that..." Lastly, he said he regretted his decision the second I left his sight at the airport.

"If me leaving for 3 months is part of the reason why you broke up, then seeing me leave at the airport should confirm your decision, not the opposite. You regretted because you read my letter. How many more letters will I have to write to make you think, regret and want to be with me again?"

"Well, I've thought about how much I've put you through Elaine, and I'm sad at that but I don't think you need to know how I feel. No more letters like that. You're done chasing me, I'm here and I'm yours if you'll have me, no games. I'll have to prove it when you get back, given you give me the chance of course...Sorry for being a pain :S Think of me hugging you or kissing your thighs instead. I'm picturing you washing behind my ears, lol."

I told him that he can come pick me up since my dad can't. I gave him the time and the date and warned him that I will not trust him anymore if I don't see him there.

"I never stood you up, did I?"

"All the time...In a more abstract sense..."

"I guess in a more abstract sense, I'll be there. I want to see you. Breaking up with you was stupid, do you want to know how sad and dumb I feel about it?"

"I don't care honestly. Nobody cares about people who make themselves miserable."

[...]

"We're just friends, Jonathan, but I will go on a date with you if you can complete a challenge; I will give you three choices, and you can do any of them."

"What is it? Oh wait, I know. You want to stick something in my ass."

"Ha, how did you guess?"

"Because you're a pervert."

I'm a pervert, I must admit. It's very sad to be my boyfriend; I make them cook and wash the toilet in my underwear. I also make them pose naked in weird positions so I can take pictures of them. My favorite is to put make-up on them and wrap a towel around their head and pretend they are my barbie. Hahaha, it makes me happy just thinking about it.

Okay but honestly, I don't think he's that serious even if he believes that he is. There was once when I actually only had eyes for him, but not anymore...and it might not happen again either. I might consider him seriously if he doesn't do anything stupid for a year or two but for now, I'm keeping my options open.

...maybe I'm getting older, maybe I'm jaded, and I don't know if I've always been this way, but I know that now, I would never make things difficult on myself just because I love someone. Love can be so laughable sometimes. I don't even know what love is anymore except the love I feel for my parents and for myself.

This confirmed my theory; confused men do actually come back. Always.

Bukhara

I'm in Bukhara now, it's my favorite place in Uzbekistan. It's very easy to walk around since it's very compact. The streets are narrow, the mosques are sand colored, and there are many artisan shops. I bought five silk scarves for the women in my family. The men don't get anything :)

I can't believe I would say this, but I start to miss home. It's mainly because my sciatica is getting worst and sometimes, it's just unbearable. I also miss my shower, my bed, my normal clothes, and fast food! So, guess where I'm heading next? No, not Montreal...

The confused man saga

A month and a half ago when I was in Vientiane, I received an e-mail from Jonathan. It said in the e-mail that he wanted to write to me at the 45 day mark but he couldn't wait. He thinks about me and cannot replace that hole where I used to be and hopes that I think about him as well, which is stupid because we broke up. He should wish that I don't think about him, right? Also, he really wants to see my picture because he misses me and my smile and blah-blah-blah. I was so sad to read his e-mail, but why? I can't remember anymore...I guess I wasn't expecting to hear from him, and I think he's interfering with my life in a way.

So one night, instead of going out to bowling with people I newly met, I wrote back to him. I told him that I'm not quite sure why he wrote me that e-mail. "Are you looking to confirm something? Or are you looking for attention? Didn't we agree that you'll only contact me when you'll figure out what you want? What you've chosen is; to not be with me, so that means that I will move on, find someone who knows what they want, and you should wish that for me as well...It makes me sad to write you this, because I know you might be hurt to read this, but what you're giving me now is more confusion." And I told him that he needs to grow up because that e-mail is simply proving me that he doesn't know what he wants. I don't see the point of it at all, because everything was said and done in the clearest way when we broke up. It showed me that he cannot assume the consequences of his own decisions so he just takes bits of things he rejected. That's so mediocre...

He wrote back again, telling me that I cut into him, even if I actually tried to be gentle with my words. I can tell he was trying to sound joyous, and it felt seriously awkward to read him.

"Am I hurt that you are making an effort to move on? Of course it's hard to hear sweetheart, but I knew it, and I accept it and I certainly do not hate you for it, it is my doing in the end and I do wish only the best for you..

Grow up and have things figured out? Yes, I'm really working on it. I'm realizing a lot in your absence, both your physical and emotional absence I mean, maybe this pressure is what I need... 

I read that letter that you left me now and then, (well all your letters but especially the last one), and I consider that what you write you truly meant, and I want to be that person you secretly hope I become...

Do not be confused...go forth. It's up to me to show you what I am, what I hope to be, what I've done etc... 

I want you to think about us and smile...:D Think about the stupid moments like when you try to put your finger where it doesn't belong lol. I'm sure we'll talk, of course I want to pick you up when you return! (plus you owe me parking money lol)"

Sometimes, I know my words cut, but I'm glad he's not the type that gets offended or talks back. He just talked about how I once mentioned that a certain company was good business, and he met with the owner and talked about opening a franchise. I have no idea how true that is, but who cares. I answered by congratulating him that he's making some progress.

Since then, he would write to me every few days just to tell me he's thinking of me, and I would sometimes write about my trip. I can't tell if I'm bored or if I actually want to talk to him, quite honestly. I guess it's always been that case with him; it's mainly about companionship and comfort...and the idea of being with someone new is just repugnant. Am I crazy? or just picky, maybe?

One day in China, I wrote him a poem, just for fun.

"Ma pute qui pue,
Et qui est poilu,
Et qui habite sur la rue,
Quand tu es nue,
J'ai envie de te manger cru."

He wrote a poem back, but it isn't as good as mine, so I won't post it.

Then, one day, he asked me to write him something sweet...and that's when I stopped answering him. Let's say I recommended him a movie to watch; he would tell me that he wants to watch it with me when I come back, because nothing is funnier than watching my reactions when watching movies. He would also talk about how Johnny is his enemy because Johnny likes me, but dude, why do you care about Johnny? He was obviously expecting me to tell him that I missed him, and I can't wait to see him..and where's the point in that? And honestly, I didn't even miss him. I was basically just talking to him like I would talk to a friend, but he would always write about how much he misses me, etc. When I wrote that poem, I was just having a good laugh by myself; it's nothing serious.

Anyways, I'm sleepy now. I will continue my story later when I have time. I even feel bad to talk about him, it's been so long, and I'm sure everyone who's reading this is rolling their eyes.

How am I going to name that post? Hmm...let's say, the confused man saga.

Samarkand

I'm in Samarkand.

What did I see here? A few mausoleums, carpet shops, mosques, bazaars, and the Registan. There are people that travel to Uzbekistan just to see the Registan...and I feel bad to say this, but there's nothing striking about it, although it's obviously nice. Maybe I'm difficult to please...especially by anything that is man-made and especially after seeing all these larger-than-life natural landscapes in Kyrgyzstan.

Here's me standing in front of the Registan. The scarf that I'm wearing is hand-made and it's the prize I won for guessing the right answer that the manager of a carpet factory asked. I'm so clever, right? The question was; what is the most important quality that they are looking for when they hire workers to make the carpets? Ha, you'll never be able to guess. When I look at that scarf; it reminds me that I'm the winner, hehe.

The answer is; patience:) It can take months and years to make one carpet.

The rest are just pictures that I will not write about. I'm too lazy and like I said, I'm not that impressed.

Innocent

"I miss you."

"Good to know."

"Don't you miss me?"

"No, I met a someone else."

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No, he's too innocent, and we're just friends."

"Innocent? That's exactly how you like them."

"Seriously, no."

Tashkent

I'm not really excited to be in Uzbekistan.

I miss Kyrgyzstan.
I miss drinking vodka with Sasha.
I miss Iliaz. And by the way, we're very innocent.
...and I have gastro. I had salami, cheese, toast and eggs for breakfast and lamb kebab for lunch...a few hours later, I started vomiting my breakfast. I thought I was going to die. I went to bed and a few hours later, I vomited again. I started feeling better this morning, so I had plov...and it was so greasy that I felt sick in my tummy again :(

Anyways. I'm still alive.

I'm in the capital of Uzbekistan; Tashkent. It's a very modern and pretty city, and was once the main city of former Soviet Union. People speak Uzbek and Russian and practically no English. Luckily, I'm very good with sign languages :)

Here's Tashkent in pictures...