The confused man saga, part 2

So one day, when I was in the far west of China, we talked. He was obviously a little tipsy, and he told me that he noticed that I was being more distant recently, but he knows what he wants now; he wants to be with me. He broke up with me because he didn't believe that I loved him, and also because I was going to leave for three months. I was like...what the fuck! This is absolutely not what he said a few months ago, and I clearly asked him then, he never mentioned this. I think he totally made that up. I can't remember what else we talked about, but I told him that we should stop talking and that I will not see him even when I come back. He will respect my decision, he said, and will stop contacting me if this is what I want...

As soon as we hung up, I went on my facebook and guess what. He left me another message already.

"I miss you very much...I care about you so much. I didn't believe you loved me, but I believe you love me now. As much as you may deny it or play like you're too cool. I love you too."

Wait, what? Why is this guy so stupid? I know he is tipsy, but...?!?!

Do I love him? Maybe I did at some point, but certainly not now. Why does he think that I love him now? After we broke up? And after all this time? Why not when we were together? This guy got everything wrong.

He just pretended that we didn't talk that day and continued to write me e-mails and even a poem. I hate how he always says that he wants to do this and that but never does anything. He said he would give a small toe to hear me say I miss him. I was like, dude, who needs a small toe? Nobody needs a small toe; it's the most useless body part!

After that, I went to Kyrgyzstan and met Iliaz. Iliaz and I are just friends, but we liked each other. I haven't felt so lighthearted in a while; it was as if I had a crush in high school. I didn't want to think about Jonathan; it was too minor of a problem for me to worry about. I ignored all his texts and e-mails until my last night in Kyrgyzstan, I finally decided to reply to him.

"I haven't had much time to think about you. But when I think about you, I think about when you broke up with me and stopped answering my phone calls, and then I think about when you refused to meet me because you were scared, and when we finally met again, you didn't want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. You said you broke up because I were leaving for three months, does that mean we will break up again next time I leave? It took only a few seconds of thinking for you to break up with me...I really don't know if I can be with someone as weak as you are. 

I really don't think it took you 2-3 months to figure out what you want...Maybe you're just lonely. The question when we broke up wasn't weather you wanted to be with me or not, but weather you see yourself getting married and having kids and a house in a few years from now. It might be sad for you to hear this but, you're wasting my time if you don't."

I think what I wrote was pretty clear and to the point. That doesn't mean that I want to be married to him, but do you know why there are so many women over thirty years old that are not married? It's because they wasted a year or two here and there with ones that are not going in the same direction as they are.

He wrote back saying that he wants that now. I wonder how the hell he changed his mind so quick. I just don't believe that he figured out what he wants in just a few months. Next time, I need to remember to ask him what made him change his mind. He also doesn't believe that I didn't have time to think about him. "You're great at pretending, or maybe you haven't thought about me recently because there's someone else/party scene that has your immediate attention, please explain because those are the hardest words to hear in your whole letter. Thinking about you thinking about me is what kept me tuned into you. Thinking that you can love me despite all this shit...maybe I'm wrong, which if I am I completely understand why, but please tell me baby because I'm hurting bad to hear you say that..." Lastly, he said he regretted his decision the second I left his sight at the airport.

"If me leaving for 3 months is part of the reason why you broke up, then seeing me leave at the airport should confirm your decision, not the opposite. You regretted because you read my letter. How many more letters will I have to write to make you think, regret and want to be with me again?"

"Well, I've thought about how much I've put you through Elaine, and I'm sad at that but I don't think you need to know how I feel. No more letters like that. You're done chasing me, I'm here and I'm yours if you'll have me, no games. I'll have to prove it when you get back, given you give me the chance of course...Sorry for being a pain :S Think of me hugging you or kissing your thighs instead. I'm picturing you washing behind my ears, lol."

I told him that he can come pick me up since my dad can't. I gave him the time and the date and warned him that I will not trust him anymore if I don't see him there.

"I never stood you up, did I?"

"All the time...In a more abstract sense..."

"I guess in a more abstract sense, I'll be there. I want to see you. Breaking up with you was stupid, do you want to know how sad and dumb I feel about it?"

"I don't care honestly. Nobody cares about people who make themselves miserable."

[...]

"We're just friends, Jonathan, but I will go on a date with you if you can complete a challenge; I will give you three choices, and you can do any of them."

"What is it? Oh wait, I know. You want to stick something in my ass."

"Ha, how did you guess?"

"Because you're a pervert."

I'm a pervert, I must admit. It's very sad to be my boyfriend; I make them cook and wash the toilet in my underwear. I also make them pose naked in weird positions so I can take pictures of them. My favorite is to put make-up on them and wrap a towel around their head and pretend they are my barbie. Hahaha, it makes me happy just thinking about it.

Okay but honestly, I don't think he's that serious even if he believes that he is. There was once when I actually only had eyes for him, but not anymore...and it might not happen again either. I might consider him seriously if he doesn't do anything stupid for a year or two but for now, I'm keeping my options open.

...maybe I'm getting older, maybe I'm jaded, and I don't know if I've always been this way, but I know that now, I would never make things difficult on myself just because I love someone. Love can be so laughable sometimes. I don't even know what love is anymore except the love I feel for my parents and for myself.

This confirmed my theory; confused men do actually come back. Always.