2020 was mostly a year about being alone.
It seems like everyone in my life has become toxic in some way. Desperate ones that try to make themselves appear more interesting at the expense of friends, self-loathing ones that can't get over minor issues that have consumed their entire existence, complaining ones that have not figured out they are themselves the biggest obstacle to their own success, the passionate ones that talk about accomplishing things but never actually took the first real step, misfortunate ones that cannot accept responsibility for their own misery, narcissist ones with enough backbone to walk but not enough to speak, it's all about themselves. They talk and talk, over and over again.
Most people are unhappy, and depend on others, most don't have the ressources or the options to be any different. Most never thought that far ahead. If I find everyone toxic, then maybe I am the toxic one for having no empathy and no patience at all towards my friends. Most of them have never really done anything wrong to me, but hearing about their same cycle of miseries, complaints, resolutions and the reasons why they can't after all, just drains my energy. I can't deal with emotional vampires anymore.
People are generally complicated, toxic and unsafe. I'd rather be alone than being with people that make me feel alone. I'm all about minimalism, and I've got to declutter people from my life. It can be lonely at times, but the peace is priceless. Minimalism has created space around me but also made space in my mind, and has cured me.
I'm not saying I'm immune to humanity's stupidity, because I do have my moments.
People often wonder if I'm scared to go into the wilderness on my own, there is so much uncertainty in its vastness. It's an untamed and unpredictable place of solitude and searching, yet the only place where I know I belong, and where I can stand alone. Ironically, the time we feel most lonely is the time we most need to be on our own. It's a time we need to learn to seek shelter in our internal wilderness. It will not get less scary, but you'll get more comfortable being scared.
Although, life has slowed down since Covid-19, I still think 2020 might
be one of my best year so far. Most people think there is nothing to do with everything closed down, but this is the time you should really invest in yourself and learn some new skills that can serve you in the future. This year also brought me a lot of clarity and certainty. Those answers you want to know the most, you will never know until you gamble. And this year, I found a lot of answers I always wanted to know.
