Call or not?

Let’s call that a very embarrassing confession. I said I won't talk to P again, but I get so excited every time my phone rings because I always think it might be him, but it is NEVER the case...obviously. Gosh, I don't know what's happening to me.

Last night with my sister:

Me: Do you think that guy will ever call me? Irene: Why don’t you do it, you’re so thickskinned anyways. Me: I don’t mind being thickskinned, but if I don’t call, will he call? Irene: If he wanted to call, he would’ve called long time ago. Did he call?

[10 minutes later]

Me: Yo, but if he really doesn’t call, should I call? Irene: Before you call, figure out what you want from him. Me: Wellllll... Irene: Don't call…even if you end up having him, you’ll ditch him, right? So don’t waste time. Me: No?! Why do you say that? Irene: I know you and even if you don’t ditch him, he’ll ditch you. Me: Fuck you, let me sleep. Irene: You talked to me first bitch.

[10 minutes later]

Me: Yo, just say yes or no. Should I call? Irene: Call him for what??? You guys are not even friends!

[10 minutes later]

Me: Are you sleeping? Irene: Shut up! Me: =(

Do I sound like an annoying little kid?

I’m thinking about calling…but what if he’s busy? What if he doesn’t pick up? What if he changed number? What if he intentionally makes it really awkward? What if he doesn't care? What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? What if he doesn't want to hear my voice? Then, what if I don’t call and regret later? What if I call and still regret?

That’s because I found his number in one of my old bills on the top of the fridge (that's where I throw all the craps I don't read). I’m so fucked up that I erased his number just so I can look for it again in that pile of dust! It's weird because I can't even picture myself doing this, but in reality I already did.

Call?
Do not call?

....

Why can't he at least text me a "wassup"?!

Professional Judgment

I don't know why I'm still going to class because I can't even focus for more than 5 seconds. So I was daydreaming in class just as usual, until I saw something that caught my attention on the board. I seriously freaked out.

To prove that I'm not lying, I took a picture.

It says: PJ * Make a diff. WTF!

So for the whole class I kept wondering what the hell was PJ. Then I went home and opened the PowerPoint that read PJ on every single fuckin slide. You know what that stands for? It doesn't stand for PblowJob oh no...but for Professional Judgment.

*headdesk*

Yusuke's Birthday

=)

Curled

我像有精神病吗？My sister says I do hehe.

I'm too pretty anyways

It's 6:10 pm.

I removed him from my facebook friends,
I deleted him from my msn contacts,
I erased his number from my phone.
...and I'm so childish and I need to get a life for doing this!

...but why have him on facebook if we ain't gonna keep in touch,
why have him on msn if we ain't gonna talk,
why have him on my phone if we ain't gonna call?
Why?
Nothing, except that it pisses me off everytime i see him on the news feed, when he signs in and when I look for Peter on my phone.

Ok, you know I'm not pissed anymore, but it's like yeah...I didn't want to remember that you exist but thanks for reminding.

I also thought about apologizing but last time, he walked right pass me and IGNORED ME!!! Trust me, I know the difference between ignoring and did-not-see goddamnit.

Then, I have to think about Kevin. He doesn't want me to be that shameless bitch, he just wants to see me smile...and it really helps me calm down just to know that someone is sincere, I don't need to doubt it. Being able to accept and appreciate this is already more than enough. I know it's true even though I'm still too immature to believe this. Even if I don't believe this yet, I still tell myself; if there is nothing you're not able to do, then why don't you get over this shit?!

Stop talking nonsense.
Stop acting crazy.

Try this at home

I was talking to Sungeun yesterday on the phone and we were talking about how to piss a guy off...and Sungeun is a straight guy so it's guaranteed that his ideas are workable. He had a lot, but this one is the funniest. Every girl should try this at least once.

1-Choose a guy that you hate.

2-Call him.

3-Prentend to be horny.

4-Tell him that your parents are not home and to come to your place.

5-Oh, and tell him to bring condoms.

6-When he arrives, say the following with a HUGE smile on your face: "Hi babe! I actually just wanted to see you, bye bye!" and shut the door.

You have to imagine the reaction on his face or...the one in his pants =)

Oh wait...that sounds a little familiar hahaha

Update on Bob

To be honest, I'm not interested in that Bob guy, but the fact that he knows P plays a little in the context. That's bad. Maybe I should leave poor little Bob alone...but I'm curious.

Let's see...he texted me 4 times and I texted him 1 time. Ok so I'm still good.

(I'm just kidding, I don't really count)

I'm kidding, but partially not...if you know what I mean.

I used to just call whenever I feel like calling. I'd call 5 times a day if I feel like calling 5 times a day. I'd call at 4 in the morning if that's what I want...but what happened with P reminds me that I have no choice but to do these stupid shits 95% of the time. Why? because 95% of men have undevelopped brains. It's stupid but that's how they function and if that's how they like it, then that's what I'll give them. I will count the stupid numbers, I will pick the right day on the calendar and do all the math before calling. If they like hard-to-get, I'll just make sure they NEVER get it.

I'm curious to know what will happen with that Bob...

Me: Are u dying to see me? Bob: only your legs and your pervert talk =p **That =p is totally annoying. Me: So when do u wanna see my legs n hear my pervert talk? Bob: hmmmmm Me: ur such an indecisive lil boy Bob: haha. it's just that I have visitors here for the next week so not sure when I can. How's your mouth? **Why the hell does he care about my mouth... Me: My mouth is great, my face is pretty and my legs are still long Bob: Hot Hot **That's all?! eurrrk.

I needed to laugh

I was studying and I was about to fall asleep. Then a certain Alex added me on msn and his e-mail is sexy_boy1751@hotmail.com. I don't even know him, but with an e-mail address like that one, I can already tell he has a small cock.

So he came talk to me and his display picture showed his naked chest...
Nasty shit, right? Right. Like, I have the right to think that I'm hot, but I hate men who think they are hot...and in fact they are not.

Anyways, just read the conversation during your study break and laugh. Then, he changed his chest-picture to a penis-picture...and penises are so yuckies! Does anyone else agree with me on that? Yes? Thanks.


Block+Delete.

That works

Justin is some random guy I met. He is such a weirdo, but he is really fun...hahaha.

He wants me to be his girlfriend...or maybe he thinks I already am... Dumbass.

Whenever he doesn't do what I tell him to do, I'd say what the devils tells me to say, and he'll obey.

On Msn...











Few days later
On the phone...

Justin: Hey honey, are you gonna stay home? Me: I want to... Justin: but white guy's calling you? Me: yeah...fuck im tired Justin: Just stay home baby, your tired. I suggest you don't go out tonight, you might get ill **Baby? Who's your baby? and why the hell he got so many things to say?! Me: I think I will actually get sick but I already said I will go out so... Justin: oh...whatever you do, be careful of everything **The first thing I should be careful about is you.

I had fun!

Don’t do it near your house

I haven't been studying because of my damn fat face. It looks like I don't have a chin and I weigh at least 1 pound more. *sigh*. I’m terrified that it will stay like this forever so I have to visit the dentist today again. I also have to go the clinic for something else and I hope everything is good.

Oh, there is something that I didn’t mention in my last post. It’s the fact that Bob and P know each other. Yes, that’s right, but I’m not surprised. Always remember this; Montreal is a very very tiny city and if you gonna pick up girls (or boys), don’t do it near your house.

I haven’t seen P’s face in 3 months, but just knowing that I might bump into him any day at school is kind of stressful. Luckily all of my classes are in the MB so it reduces the chance. I actually want to see him, BUT if that ever happens…ughh I don’t know man, I think I'd better not. It’s not even normal to have the same issue for months and I want to move to a city in a third world country because of that. Other than this, when I think about it again, I can’t remember exactly what was so bad...Did I overreact? Isn’t that something predictable and something I’ve seen over and over again? I’ve seriously seen 10 times worst and I'm still alive. My friend said this to me last time: “You know what Elaine? You should just fuck him because you’ll discover that he might be small and fast and you’d be so disgusted that you’ll get over it”. Haha, yeah.

Anyways, I’m going to the dentist right now =(

Bubble eyes

Bob have been texting me for the past few days, mainly to say stuff like “hi”, “wassup”, “did u miss me?”, “how are things?”, etc. His friend added me on facebook and I don’t even know him..so yeah, I think he talks about me to his friends. He’s kind of dorky, but whatever. We were supposed to go for dinner this week, but I don’t even feel like going to school, so forget about dinner. My face looks like a balloon, no jokes. My mouth is so small that I can barely open it to talk/eat. I can’t even stick anything larger than my finger in it (???). You know what a bubble eye is? That's what I look like.

My mom: Don't wear that scarf, you'll only get more attention.

My sister: You are so cute...You look less mean. Take a picture!

Yulia: OMG! What happenned to you?

Vlad: Damn it's you? I only recognized your legs.

I wanted coffee but ended up in a bar

Last night, I went for coffee with a friend in downtown. I was only planning to have coffee so I almost looked like I just rolled out of bed. There were three Asian guys sitting next to us and then one of them invited us to join them at a bar. I would usually just give them a dirty look and walk away but my friend was still there and listening to their shit, so I stayed too...and because they are Asians so they might have some hot Asian friends, eh? We ended up in this bar with a bunch of Koreans, some are a little fobish, but whatever. The one who’s supposed to be gay was sincerely really nice; he's from Vancouver though. There was only one guy who really annoyed me, he was like:"You're not interested in me or what? You didn't ask me any questions". Well, dude...you are pretty observant and you have the answer. There was another one who was cute too, but he lives in the states. The rest were not my type.

So the only one left is Bob. Bob is the name he used to introduce himself…he didn’t tell me his real name but I still found out from the nice dude. He is not so handsome...but he looks like someone really “good at some stuff” I "met" before. At first, he looked so busy on his phone. His friend asked him to talk to us, but he said he were tired and didn’t even look interested. All of a sudden that guy got so excited just because we were talking about dicks and pussies…

Him: Do you have a boyfriend? Me: Well, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Now I don't, but maybe tomorrow I will and then the day after I won't. Him: haha seriously, do you have one? It's important for me to know. Me: Do you want me to have a boyfriend? Him: Hmm...because sometimes it makes the guy more excited if the girl has a boyfriend. Me: Oh..so I do then. Him: Ohhhh

Then he says he already knows me and asked me to ask him question about myself...

Me: What do I like? Him: Sex Me: What do I like in a guy? Him: Big dick Me: What do I hate? Him: Small dick... Me: No I ate liars **…and he lied about his name.

I like that. It's not over yet.

Updates 06/09/09

1- I'm getting all four of my wisdom teeth plucked on Tuesday and I can't wait to go to school with my squirell face.

2- D called me I-don't-even-know-how-many-times when I clearly told him that I wasn't in Montreal. He called again today and said "I missed you...seriously". Puahahaha, that's just funny, he doesn't even remember what I told him, but he misses me.

3- My dad haven't noticed my surgery and he knows me for 21 years. That's how much he cares.

4- TJ posted a picture of me on facebook and the description says: "has many houses around." I feel like he's trying to say that I sleep everywhere...what a motherfuckin small dick he is.

5- I didn't lose weight.

6- I met a cute guy on the plane and his name is Patrick. 19 years old, young and fresh! hehehe...but he lives in Vancouver =(

7- I have those wedding pictures, I love them, but I'll probably not post them...

8- This semester, I swear to god that I will spend all of my time in the library studying like an authentic nerd! I swear. And I will get straight A’s!

9- I don't work anymore, but I might be looking for a job in January. Just maybe. You know how lazy I am.

10- I'll be a very very good girl. Oops, I already am!

Last visit at the hospital

I probably talk too much about Kevin.

I visited him today for the last time. It’s so stressful to say "goodbye” and “see you again" when in fact; there might not be a next time. I’d rather not say anything and just leave. And that's exactly what I did last year and I know how lame that is. I didn't know how to handle that.

This time, I tried to not say anything that might cross the line such as "I'll miss you" even though it's perfectly normal to miss a friend. I feel uneasy when he says he wants to study in Hong Kong or Canada...I hope that’s not for me. I just want him to do it for himself, but not for me.

I stayed until visiting hours were over and I was just like..."Ok, I have to go, I’ll see you again” with my usual tone of voice. There isn't much I can do.



He taught me that it's okay to care and I can be happy even if I don't have everything I want. I know that's true whenever I think about him and I won't go crazy anymore.

As Paris would say...

Jealousy, jealousy, jealousy
It's such an evil thing to watch someone have

Last night I went out with EC who I haven't seen in a long time. In the club, she met that guy and they started talking and dancing. From what I remember, she then introduced him to me and she even pushed us together, so I danced with him, but I wasn’t interested or anything. All of a sudden, she just got mad and started saying mean things...well I couldn't really hear her but I could tell from the look on her face. Maybe she thought I “stole” her guy... Elaine and EC got into a fight, a while ago, for a guy that EC liked, but Elaine slept with him. And he was just some random guy from the club. That is so lame.

Then I started crying. Maybe because of the alcohol or whatever, I couldn't hold back...actually I don't even know what the hell I were crying for. She's a good person but she has that jealousy issue that really pisses me off. I just don't like jealous people but I like her a lot. I never had those problems with my friends in Montreal, so I was shocked when it happened. I hugged her and she pushed me away. I was very tired that night, but I missed her so I still went out to see her. We were having fun and her jealousy screwed it all.

So I just left and the guy followed me. I cried in his car for an hour, I couldn’t stop. She called later, but I didn't pick up because I didn’t want to talk. That guy was not bad; he didn’t try to do anything to me. He was just there and drove me back later.

I can’t believe that shit.

Kevin's surgery

I visited Kevin today too and I met his mom. She seemed very worried. She brought him lots of food, because he usually has very little appetite. I just realized that I visit him as much as his mom does. If a friend of mine were at the hospital, will I visit him or her as often? But every time I see him might just be the last time, you never know. He had surgery last Thursday so he has to stay either on his bed or on his wheelchair all the time.









Ever took the plane for more than 20 hours? That's how it is for him every single day. I don’t know what to do to make his days a little easier at the hospital so I try to visit him often...