Call or not?

Let’s call that a very embarrassing confession. I said I won't talk to P again, but I get so excited every time my phone rings because I always think it might be him, but it is NEVER the case...obviously. Gosh, I don't know what's happening to me.

Last night with my sister:

Me: Do you think that guy will ever call me? Irene: Why don’t you do it, you’re so thickskinned anyways. Me: I don’t mind being thickskinned, but if I don’t call, will he call? Irene: If he wanted to call, he would’ve called long time ago. Did he call?

[10 minutes later]

Me: Yo, but if he really doesn’t call, should I call? Irene: Before you call, figure out what you want from him. Me: Wellllll... Irene: Don't call…even if you end up having him, you’ll ditch him, right? So don’t waste time. Me: No?! Why do you say that? Irene: I know you and even if you don’t ditch him, he’ll ditch you. Me: Fuck you, let me sleep. Irene: You talked to me first bitch.

[10 minutes later]

Me: Yo, just say yes or no. Should I call? Irene: Call him for what??? You guys are not even friends!

[10 minutes later]

Me: Are you sleeping? Irene: Shut up! Me: =(

Do I sound like an annoying little kid?

I’m thinking about calling…but what if he’s busy? What if he doesn’t pick up? What if he changed number? What if he intentionally makes it really awkward? What if he doesn't care? What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? What if he doesn't want to hear my voice? Then, what if I don’t call and regret later? What if I call and still regret?

That’s because I found his number in one of my old bills on the top of the fridge (that's where I throw all the craps I don't read). I’m so fucked up that I erased his number just so I can look for it again in that pile of dust! It's weird because I can't even picture myself doing this, but in reality I already did.

Call?
Do not call?

....

Why can't he at least text me a "wassup"?!