I sat on a bench under a tree and I looked up at the sky through bare branches. I closed my eyes and saw those imaginary eyes, and his invented presence. He is here all the time, watching me, marking everything I do and every decision I take. What would it be like if he were actually by my side, I wondered. It used to not matter to me, regardless of how unhealthy these persisting thoughts are. I never cared being out of touch with reality.
…but when I opened my eyes again, I saw the eyes of the one that I love. He saw only me. He was waiting for me on the other side of the border. He is real; he's the one I can touch and hear. He smiled at me. Experiences left me rough around the edges, and I recognize how precious that smile was. I would do anything to protect this fragility that he has. I smiled back and kissed him on his left eye.
I felt sorry inside.
I needed to get this off my chest. I’ve been thinking about it for months and years... not a day has gone by that I didn’t play with the pieces of the past. I tried to reconnect, because I’m sick and obsessed. Freedom is limited in my heart and I’m not quite sure how to obtain that resolution, nor do I know what it consist of or whether it would make me happier.
...but what if?