The reason why I got a one-way ticket isn't really because I didn't know where I was going after Morocco. I could've figured this out easily. The real reason is because of Alex.
I really want to travel as much as I can while I can, and it is the perfect timing now. However, I would limit this trip to a month if I feel that we haven't distanced from each other while I'm away and if he's making effort to keep contact
...and now, I'm starting to doubt the potential of this relationship.
There are so many little things about him that pisses me off. Here's the breakdown, without any particular order. I will mention Tadoussac quite a few times because I got to know him much better after that trip.
1-He doesn't have a car.
Before you think I'm superficial, let me explain. At first, I really didn't think it was a problem that a guy doesn't have a car, especially in Montreal, where public transportation is easily accessible.
When we decided to go to Tadoussac, he had to leave his dog at a friend's house, but it was too hard for him to carry all the dog's stuff, so I had to go drive him. I was happy to drive him of course. However, the little favors he asks over time makes me feel like he's using me. He would always be like "Babe, we need to get me new hiking boots" and then a week later, "Babe, we need to go return these shoes because they don't fit me." I know he's getting hiking gear to go hiking with me, but he also has to assume the consequences of not having a car. Every time I drive him to MEC, he spends at least 3 hours talking to the employees, playing with gears, while I'm just waiting for him. I'm not exaggerating when I say 3 hours, and we did that several times. I'd drive to his place to pick him up, which is in Verdun, drive to MEC at Marché Central, and drive him back before I go home in Ville Saint-Laurent. Whenever we go out, I'm always the one who has to drive. I feel like I'm his personal chauffeur or something.
2-He's rude and unclassy.
When we went to Tadoussac together, he did something that really pissed me off. He put his feet, with his dirty shoes on, on my car dashboard. It is so disgusting (and dangerous), and I have to clean up after him. After the trip, he left his garbage in my car. I didn't pay that much attention to it back then, and I tried to be understanding because he has a lot of stuff to carry back home, and doesn't have extra hands to pick up his trash.
Yesterday, we came back from hiking, and he did the same thing again. People who don't have the decency to take their trash with them when I drop them off are just plain rude. Okay yes, you have your bag to carry...but what about me? I don't have less stuff to carry, and it's not any more convenient for me to take the trash with me when I get home. I don't have an extra hand either.
3-I find him quite cheap.
I know he takes a lot of time off to work on his personal projects, and invested money in them, which are on hold by the way (see next point for detail), and have debts...but that's not an excuse to be cheap.
One time, he had to return an old North Face jacket at a warehouse, but they only reimburse 50% since it's a very old model. "Babe, can I give you money so you can grab me a new jacket after you return the old one." I felt like I was working for him or something, he has work and I don't, but that doesn't mean I have time to waste. Nonetheless, I did him this favor. I dropped him off at his work and he gave me the jacket to return...but not the money. In the end, I didn't get him the new jacket, because the warehouse guy said he has to call them to let them know which model he wants anyway, but the point is, if you say you will give money to someone so they can drive out of their way to buy stuff for you, then just do it, y'know. We haven't even been dating for that long and he's already bossing me around. It gave me a bad gut feeling about him but I tried to ignore it.
In Tadoussac, we went groceries shopping. He said "Babe, instead of paying you back for the gas, I'll pay for the groceries instead." I was fine with that. He asked me to go get this and that, etc, and when we went to the cash register, he asked the lady if she had ice. She said there wasn't any left, but he can get some free ice at the fish section. Just when the lady finished scanning all the items, he left to get free ice at the fish section. The ice is free and will not grow legs, so I don't get why he left so quickly...and there were people waiting behind us so, I ended up paying.
Again, I ignored it.
Yesterday, after we went hiking, we passed by a depanneur to get some snacks for the road back. He said, "Babe, do you want to get this so we can share? I will give you some money for it....oh oops, my wallet is in the car." Just as he was saying the last part of his sentence, I was just like"It's fine, I have my card." After that, I started feeling like it's a tendency of him to "forget" his wallet, "forget" that he has to pay, etc. I don't mind paying at all actually, but it's his sneaky behavior that pisses me off. On top of that, he almost finished the whole thing and said "Don't worry, I left you some"...when he actually just left me crumbs.
Also, when we go shopping, he always has to find something wrong to get a price break. Sometimes, he'd talk for an hour to get a 5% discount on a 100$ item. I wanted to think that he's financially responsible...but! I don't want a guy who nickel and dime through life!
4-He doesn't seem to have any plans for the future.
He is almost 37 and wants to start his business with his friends, while working a regular job. He said he invested a lot of money and ended up with some debts, but he works hard and hopes this will work out later. I think it's quite awesome that he is ambitious...but most of the time, I feel like he doesn't think before he acts. He's 37, not married, not done with school, and now the business is on hold because he has to finish school. Of course, it doesn't mean much to not be married at 37, to be still at school, etc...but that kind of tells you a thing or two about that person, no? I feel like he's the type who doesn't plan ahead, which is why he has so many loose ends at 37.
Also, I don't think he has any savings at all. He tells me how he has to sell his stuff in order to have money to buy hiking gear, which I'm not sure is a good sign. I really don't care how much money a guy has, but when you have to sell your stuff before you can buy something else, it tells me that this guy never thought about having a back-up plan, he's unstable, and not ready for anything serious.
...and I know some people will be like...Elaine, you live at your parent's place, that's why you have money to travel, you don't know anything about being a responsible adult, blah blah blah. I actually pay the same thing as if I lived outside, and I even pay for my parent's vacations. The only advantage I have is that I save a lot of time, but that's about it.
5-He makes quick decisions that he sometimes regrets.
This is sort of related to the point above. Most people who don't have plans tend to make decisions without reflecting thoroughly.
In Tadoussac again, we went hiking and he thought he can get back to the trailhead just walking through the bushes and making his own way. "This is dangerous, we shouldn't do that. We don't even have a map with us, and the forest is probably so dense that you cannot walk through." Even if he does make it, he will kill everything on his way. I didn't want to follow him, I just waited for him while he was trying to figure out a way. He failed obviously...and I just thought it was so irresponsible of him to just try to make his own "trail" without a map or a compass. I like adventures, but not this kind of irresponsible adventures. I always plan ahead and do some researches before I venture out.
Also, he once wanted to stop seeing me because of some stupid stuff, but regretted the next morning, decided again that it was over later during the day, and wanted to see me again two weeks later.
Another thing that pissed me off recently is that he showed my picture to his co-worker thinking it was funny. I was fully dressed on the picture but it was a picture that was kind of risqué. I know there are tons of "sexy" pictures of me that everybody can see, but it was a personal picture that I sent him. It wasn't one of those taken by a photographer...it was the sort of picture I would not post on facebook, and that I would only send to a boyfriend...so I thought it was really rude of him to show somebody else without my permission. I got really mad, and ignored him for a day...he said he didn't think before and he's sorry about it...so I eventually forgave him.
6-He's unpunctual and disorganized.
Again, this is kind of related to point 4 and 5. Most people who don't plan ahead, and make quick decisions, are also very disorganized and unponctual....and I hate it when people waste my time. It's my biggest pet peeve.
When we went to Tadoussac, we decided we would leave Montreal at 6 AM. He woke up an hour later, and took another hour to pack up, and another hour to get ready. We ended up leaving Montreal at 9 AM. I wasn't super pissed at that time, but I was like...I wish my man was more organized than that.
We went hiking on the weekend, and I told him I'll come pick him up at 7:15 AM. He said he prefers 7:30, which is fine. I get there 5 minutes early, because I'm a punctual person. I waited 15 minutes for him to get out of his apartment, which got me really pissed. He got in the car, and realized he forgot something and had to go back. Then we finally left, and he didn't eat breakfast, so we had to go get him breakfast, and waited another 20 minutes. I know it seemed like nothing, but we were going for a hike of 9 hours+5 hours of drive...so every bit of time wasted counts. We had to wait very long at the border and arrived at the mountain very late. He said it was my fault that I didn't switch to another line-up at the border, and that's why we are so late. Yes, the other line was going faster and now we know after the fact, but while we were there waiting, it is not guaranteed that it will keep on going at that pace if we switched line. This wasn't something I could control. However, he could've woke up earlier to eat breakfast and get ready.
5-Our cultural differences.
I think some of the points above has to do with the fact that we come from different cultural backgrounds. For example, when he asks me to go out, he finds a way to indirectly ask me to chip in, but when I ask him out, I just pay the whole thing. I never ask him for his share, because that's how it is in my culture. I don't mind that he's disorganized or doesn't have a car...but it's really all the above combined that I have difficulties dealing with. I come from a traditional Asian household and although I don't push it, I still like to be treated like a lady once in a while. I don't like to be bossed around, I don't like cheap guys, I don't like guys who don't have plans!
So, am I too much of a bitchy princess? Am I just making a big deal out of everything? I don't know.
Somebody, tell me.
PS.: It's over with Alex. He kept arguing that it's my fault because I didn't help him, and that I shouldn't think it's a chore to drive him around. He thinks he's so entitled. He's not someone who prepares in advance, and sometimes he gets lucky and the circumstances later make it okay, but it doesn't mean he was right. He also keeps associating living at parents' with immaturity and attacked me with that. I barely replied...I didn't want to waste my time writing wrong paragraphs to justify anything like he did.
Then he said he still wanted to be friends to share hiking stuff.
I was like, "Get your own ride or assume the consequences of not having a car."
He replied with,"...says the girl who lives at her parent's. I can rent a communauto, it's just 2 minutes walk!"
I almost wanted to say..."you sure you don't need to sell anything before?", but I decided to save my breath, and save my time.