The other day, I had a casting for a redken commercial and I was on a bad hair day first of all. When the casting director ran his fingers through my hair to check their condition, his fingers almost got stuck in my hair because it was full of knots, ha. Additionally, the information on my compcard didn't match and blah-blah-blah and then of course, my fake lashes almost fell off right before my take. Great…
Something's wrong with me lately. Everything is such a mess and people, in general, just annoy me! I have the urge to slap people across their face when they lay their dirty hands on me...even when it’s an accident. I want to pop their eyes out with a blunt knife when they lay their pervert eyes on me. When I see a penis, I want to chop it off. I'm disgusted by everything, really. Even when some boys try to be nice and take me out to dinner, I automatically associate it with danger. I can't help.
My mood swings are getting worst too. I could get mad at anything. The other day, I dropped my food all over my clothes and I seriously got so mad that I lost appetite the whole day. I don’t know how I gained 5 pounds this week.
Do I have a problem?! I could feel so normal at one moment and so horrible the next. I just feel like I’m constantly riding a roller coaster. I fantasize about dying all the time. Sometimes, I'm so disturbed by millions of thoughts that I worry about becoming a psychopath. Maybe I work too much, maybe I'm tired of socializing, maybe I need a break.
I don't know.