Beauties, without a past and a story, lead imagination to ride further; it attracts the readers to explore within the lines. He really liked the danger of that depth-omitted aspect but his imagination might have went so far that it lost touch with reality.
Could things have been different if I told him the truth from the beginning instead of letting my bad acting skills ruin everything? If I told him, would he have been patient and understanding enough?...but now I know that he just doesn’t care about the things I care about because he doesn't understand. I don't blame him...it's no one's fault. It's even hard for us to communicate...Without communication, there is no trust and without trust, feelings are restrained. That's one of the reasons why nothing I say ever comes out right; I don't know how to show it to him that I care.
It's funny how it's usually when someone's gone that you learn most about that person. He's way more rational than I am. To be honest, I also clearly know that we're very different and our differences didn't compensate for the lack each other. On top of that, our similarities pushed us apart. Both of us are very strong-headed; he wants to be the leader and I refuse to follow. Our needs and perceptions are different too. It takes tolerance and patience to see through these differences and similarities. He always says that I'm the one making things complicated. The truth is that I didn't make things complicated; it's our differences and similarities that did...and it's his unwillingness to tolerate and eagerness to lead that made it worst. He didn't think it was worth the effort.
Why make it so hard on yourself, right? I wonder why I did as well...
However, I'm still glad he knows what he wants and made that decision. I know he didn’t lie this time because there’s no point to keep someone content when there are no benefits in doing so anymore. His ability to take difficult decisions makes him ambitious; he knows how to get what he wants and works hard to achieve it, it’s also what attracted me to him at first. At the same time, that trait is so strong in him that it overrules everything. He's so rational and calculating that I sometimes wonder if he has a heart. I guess aging does make people become indifferent.
I told him that he can find someone better every single day and he can upgrade all the way he wants...but perfection doesn't last and even the best of the best has flaws. He can keep going after perfection but he will end up getting nothing in the end. You just have to go with your heart because there are things that can't be calculated with numbers. It confuses me how he said he likes me and made all those promises yet, he doesn't make the effort to accept who I really am. He could've at least gave me some time. I hoped he'd think about it and understand but he just thought that I didn’t respect his wishes...but I actually do. I'd beg him to stay if I didn't respect his wishes.
Ha, that reminds me of who I used to be a year ago. I used to be a lot more stubborn than that; I forced everything into the way I wanted them to be and couldn't let go of things. Things change, people improve and I did; I will continue. I hope he does too and I wish him the best.
...but I'm still pissed and hurt.
That really wasn't enough and I miss him.
Is it stupid if I want to see him again...someday at a better timing?
Is it true that everything happens for a reason?
Anyways, today is the last day I cry for him.
Bye Bye, Renan.