Today is one of the worst days ever.
It's funny to say this but I really don't have anyone to call; everyone seems so busy with their own lives. I never knew how awful it is to be alone and that no one can hear you cry. You could die and no one's going to be there to save you. I never cried so much in my life; I thought I wouldn't be able to stop. I told myself to not think, to go to bed earlier...but I couldn't.
He told me to move on because he fell in love with an awesome girl and that I should take care of myself. He also told me that life rewards those who risk most and to remember to not start something with walls up expecting a warrior to tear them down.
Is this a cruel joke? Did someone just have fun playing with my mind?
Every single word hurts because he really didn't care when he said them.
I don't know what to say...
I'm aware that after some incidents, I became very bad-tempered and always unintentionally, or maybe intentionally, said hurtful things to men in general...so often that I don't really know how to express myself anymore. I don't know how to heal myself. Although so slow and so reservedly, he's the only one I ever made an effort for; I told him everything and I hoped he would care and understand. I never cried in front of anyone but I cried in front of him when we barely knew each other. He still thinks he's so smart because he can see through me...but did he realize that it's not because he's smart but because I let him? I wanted to trust him...but I wasn't fast enough in learning to trust someone again. It's not true that I expected a warrior to tear the walls down; I simply expected him to give me some time and to reassure me, that's all. Am I asking too much? It seems like everything is my fault now.
He thinks I didn't risk...but I did and I opened up to him...if I didn't then he wouldn't have been able to hurt me like he's doing right now. He's so inconsiderate, impatient, unreliable and selfish that I knew he wouldn't be able to help me rebuild my confidence in relationships. I'm a very selfish person too but he doesn't know that I'd rather change myself to adapt to him. Whoever hurts you the most is also the one most worth it.
I don't regret anything but I seriously can't take anymore of this.
No one mentions him again, please.