I wanted to ask Renan if he saw a difference in me. Did he see that I was trying to get to know him? And that I was making an effort to keep my mind and heart open? Instead, he asked me if I noticed a difference in him because he shaved his beard...Oh Waw.
I don't think he noticed shit except that I am as sexy as usual...and that his beard is gone.
He told me that he doesn't lie and I actually believed him for a second. I don't know whether he lied or not but I know some guys are players without realizing it.
Finally, I think about all of this with rationality and I start to understand what this is all about...
Why would anyone normal like someone who has so many issues and problems? Why would a guy like a girl who is 10 years younger? Do I even need to tell everyone why? Well, because it's easier to lie to, obviously. He thinks I'm that much more innocent but actually, we're about the same except that I'm smarter. I even told him that he's not that smart. He really has no idea where I'm coming from. If I had to list all the little tricks that he tried to pull on me in the past week; the list would never end. I'm sure his moves still work very well on most girls...but he's stupid enough to use the same ones on me? I'll even give you an example; he touches me a lot because he thinks all girls dig that. But me, I don't like anyone to touch me and it's not because I'm a germaphobe; it's actually just a question of trust.
I said I won't believe anything he tells me, but I actually do in some way because I hope so badly that he didn't lie to me. I didn't relate him to anyone from the past, I didn't hold prejudices against him and I tried to not analyze him anymore...but he didn't see any of that. All he ever sees is his dick and maybe the color of my underwear.
The only times he calls/texts me is when he wants to fuck. Now, I even wonder if he sends the same texts to all the girls in his phonebook and the first one who replies is the one he's going to have sex with tonight. That wouldn't surprise me at all.
He always sounds so sweet when he talks to me. There's absolutely no hesitation in the words he says...as if he were actually so certain about it. The truth is probably that he were reciting a poem that he practiced tons of times with other girls. A blank sheet, eh? Where the hell he got that from anyways. Why would he say those things when he barely knew me? To get in my pants and under my skirt maybe? Oh and you know what? He calls me sexykins and honey buns because he can't remember all the girls' name!
I was walking by a cupcake store the other day and I was wondering if I should get him some because I know he loves cupcakes. I also thought about getting him a red lava lamp because he said he needed one in his living room. But then it's like...why are you doing this, Elaine. What for? To make him happy? I've only been seeing that guy for a week and it makes me cry everytime I think about how he only wants to screw me over...I don't understand why he'd want to do this to me. It's like...why do I even have to take this crap? How is this worth it? Why do I cry about this? That's when I know I have to give up because I can't afford this.
He says that experience makes you wise. I wonder how true that is.
I'd rather never love again than to love the wrong one.