So, it's only been 17 days that I've known him...
Today, like I said in my previous post, I told him that I don't think I want to see him again. That's not exactly what I wanted to say, I actually only wanted to know if it's all about sex...but I were really pissed so it just came out that way. He didn't look surprised; it looked more like he were expecting it. I guess it's bad news when a girl says "I have something to tell you". He was drunk and angry, without saying a word, he sent me to the door and just left me like that.
I don't know what to say. It's only been 17 days...but that hurts. I don't know why I feel that heart pinching and the tears that have to be held back when it's only been 17 days. I look back at my previous post and I just realized that I made the same mistake again...now I have to regret. And I know what everyone thinks...Elaine is so pretty yet all messed up, huh?
Why do I even cry for him? Maybe because I know I'll never be able to be with anyone as I keep making the same mistakes. When did I become such a coward? I just became so afraid of everything...I really want to be with him but I clearly know I won't be able to handle it if I waited longer because I'd get even more attached. I'm afraid he's using me for sex, I'm afraid I made the wrong decision, I'm afraid that he lied to me, I'm afraid that he'll hurt me and I'm afraid to hurt him too...
...afraid to miss him.
I wrote him an e-mail to let him know why. I don't really expect much from him. Actually I should say that I don't dare to expect anything because I know I'm really hard to deal with and he can just easily find someone who's not going to give him as much trouble. It's like they always say; If you love something, set it free. It will return if it was meant to be. It's cheesy but also very true.
Maybe from the day he took my number, I knew it would end up like this.
I hoped it wouldn't though...
That was 17 days.