It's not even surprising how I always meet people who always have something to do with "some people" I want nothing to do with. That's just Montreal.
So I met that guy recently. Let's refer to him as "Old Man". My friend already warned me that Old Man and that other person know each other, but I didn't really think that much about it. I was just like "Oh he's kind of cute; introduce me to him next time". It doesn't matter if he is friend with someone I don't like. It doesn't matter that they are talking about me in my back. I didn't think it would matter but I'm wrong because it seems like it matters to him. Now it matters to me too because he keeps trying to dig all my "dirty secrets" when he barely knows me. It seems like the only thing he is interested in knowing concerns that only thing I don't want to talk about. The more I don't want to talk about it, the more he wants to know and the more he insists. And if I don't tell him, then I'm childish, I'm complicated, I'm...hm what did he say? Anyways, I don't remember.
He keeps saying that he won't judge me nor will he tell anyone but it's hard to believe him when he just spilled his own friend's secrets today. He is also saying that it will resurface even if I don't tell him. Obviously it will if you keep digging...and it's something that doesn't even concern him. Maybe I would tell him if it actually concerns him in some way, but does it? Maybe he cares about his stuck up church values? Whatever...
It really makes me sad when he mentions that again because I was determined to move on and live. It's okay if he's friend with that other person, it's okay if he's curious, but if you got to open up people's scars, then what for?! He made me cry today, by the way. I didn't give him much of a reaction when he mention that other person and I didn't think I would give that much of a fuck either. But it forces me to think about it even more when no one's around. He made me feel like that other person will always be somewhere in the context when I try so hard to not let it be that way. It absolutely doesn't have to be that way, so did he need to bring that up again and again? Didn't he just create a problem when there was none to start with? Or maybe even if there actually was a problem, then he's just making it worst.
It's because he told me he's interested, y'know? So I wanted to try to get to know him with sane intentions; I didn't think of screwing him over nor did I think of pissing anyone off...but he's seriously making it difficult for me to give him a clean slate.
I don't know.
I was thinking about that in the shower, hesitated a bit, but not for long. I honestly don't feel like dealing with this.
In other words, FUCK IT!
Wouldn't it be great if we could start learning to know someone from that point we meet? Sounds so simple, but I start to think it's impossible in Montreal. Here, everyone knows about everyone because we heard it from someone, somewhere, somehow, right? I can't wait to move to a new city.