I wrote to TJ yesterday.
Last time I mentioned TJ, I was at a point where I were a bit ^%#@^!*. Want it or not, our baggage does affect our actions. We might even treat innocent people in a way they don't deserve. I started feeling better these few months. Thought through some crap, feel much more positive, just like a newborn baby.
When I think about TJ again; we could have been great friends if we didn't meet in that kind of setting. Realistically, no one really owes anything to anyone; if something not so great happened then it's just life; bad timing or bad luck or whatever it is. There is no need to blame it on anyone because no one should be responsible for your happiness or misery. So I don't think it was my fault if I were a stuck up bitch nor was it his' if he were an asshole. However, I do realize that I made him feel bad, said things that I shouldn't have said, did things that I shouldn't have done. It's been so long, but I know he thinks about me sometimes too...and probably in a positive way. So I apologized and it came from my heart this time.
We are all wanderers on this road of life. It could be that easy to bump into someone, but it could be very hard aswell. People who think it's easy tend to take others for granted, but if you think it's hard then you'll learn to appreciate others. It's crazy how I don't even know who lives next door, but I met TJ. It could be a once-in-a-lifetime encounter; I know we might never get to see each other again, but I learned some great things from him, from our differences and similarities.
When I were younger, I didn't understand that the process is more important than the results. I were never satisfied because I were so obsessed with what I will get back for my input. In the end, it was just a useless proof to myself that I can get whatever I "think" I want but I don't actually know what I want. But as I get older, I start to realize that it's not necessary to think that far and to plan everything when we're only here in the present. The results are sometimes simply not worth it if you have to do whatever it takes no matter what. Our destination might be different but I enjoyed it while we were wandering together for a little while on that section of the road and that's the whole point, nothing more, nothing less.
We disliked each other, but somehow cared at the same time because we understand where the other one is coming from.
We spent some great times, and some not so great...
...fucked up but still great memories.