Pig-headed

Sunday 19 June 2011

"Prove me that I can trust you," he tries to convince me to let him look in my phone. When he wants something, he doesn't stop until he gets it. It gets very annoying because I'm stubborn myself and I don’t easily change my mind either. During the whole time he was persisting, I was debating on whether I should break up with him.

Isn't that wrong if he needs to check my phone to trust me? It's private, right? And he reminds me that he lets me check his phone so why can't I? Well, everybody's level of privacy is different, obviously. It doesn't mean I'm hiding anything; I'm just protective of my own stuff in general. I care about my privacy. He doesn't care about anything.

I think the problem isn't that I don't let him see my phone; it's his insecurities. He often tells me things such as "I'm not those tall dudes with nice bodies" or "When you will get your designation, you will forget about me." Maybe all good guys are a bit insecure and needy; they would be whores and hoes otherwise, ha.

He always apologizes and admits that he was wrong though…

"Ok, I'm sorry. I don't need to check your phone to trust you. I trust you because you cook for me"

"You're just saying that now because I'm mad"

"No, but the fact that you're mad made me realize this"

"Go away". I hide under the blanket like a caterpillar in its cocoon.

I almost feel like I was wrong when I see his innocent and sorry face, so I always forgive him...but he starts over again sooner or later. We're not having a good time together anymore because he always obstinates about useless things for hours and hours, every single day. I tell myself that I should’ve just stayed home to do something productive. I'm already busy and stressed enough, and he only adds more to that.

...but honestly, that relationship is still new and we’re in our honeymoon stage. I don't think we will last that long. I started studying for my designation and since passing rate is less than 25%, it will take me a lot of time. I told him that I only have time to see him once a week and he doesn't seem too happy about it.

Are you making a schedule for when to feed your dog?” he said.

Among all my priorities; a boyfriend ain't one. Nothing comes between me and my studies and my career. He used to tell me that he admires how ambitious and hard-working I am, but now, I think he's getting on my way. I’m not very civil to people that disturb me in my studies. My mom knows.
 
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