Jonathan's been stepping on his pride and calling me in the past few days. Like, oh Elaine, I miss you so bad and yadda-yadda-yadda.

He was basically telling me that he's at a bachelor party in Quebec and there're plenty of paid whores in the house, and he didn't touch any of them. “I see your face everywhere, and I think of the time we failed at riding double on my bike and the way you say ‘what’s your problem?!’...just little moments like that.”

If your woman still stays on the phone with you for more than 1 minute; she either pities you or she's giving you a chance. The only reason I'm giving him a chance is because I remember the time he could’ve easily just walked away but he didn’t. He showed me strength and patience and accepted me entirely. Nevertheless, I don’t believe in this whole break-up-to-make-up thing unless there’s a clear change.

"Sorry? Sorry for what? Do you even know why I was mad?"

"Elaine, I'm so sorry. I must say that I don't know why..."

"It's okay if you talk to all those girls but you shouldn't have trash talked about me. If I trash talked about you to another man, what would you think I want from him?"

"I'm so sorry, you can trust me. I swear. I would never cheat on you," he insists.

"Trust you based on what? That's exactly what you said last time also. Are you going to say this next time too? And next time you cheat on me, will you tell me how much you love me and to not break up for small things like that?”

“What can I do to show you?”

“Dude, I don't know. I don't need to think about that. I don't have time.”

"Yes. You're right...”

"Well you could tattoo my name on your chest." I jokingly said. How funny would that be if he actually did and I don’t get back with him, ha.

"Elaine..." he desperately sighed.

I told my friend that even if I take him back, he has to be my bitch for a month, haha. I'm so mean. Seriously though, all I was trying to do is to make him realize...

"Every time that we get into an argument or that I don't answer your call or text; you automatically go talk with another girl in a more than friendly way. You think I don't know?"

"That's because I always feel like I'm second in your life and I wanted to be able to have that power too. Every time I turn around to go to the washroom or something, there will already be another guy trying to hit on you by the time I come back...do you know how I feel?! You're that good girl around me, but I know there's that side of you that I haven't seen and I'm afraid that you're being that bad girl around other guys. I don’t know what changed you…"

"Just admit that you're insecure," I said. It's true that I don't place him first in my life, and I don't think I ever will. I have my family and career before him…but am I wrong if I let him live his life and see his friends more often? Am I wrong if I'm not expecting him to feed me? Am I wrong if I'm good to only him even if he's not my first priority? Seriously, I'm just being realisitic.

After another of his failed attempts to get back with me yesterday night, he accidently pocket dialed me 2 minutes after we hung up. I know it's bad to eavesdrop on others' conversation but, I'm Elaine and I feel no shame, ha. I heard him telling the boys that he never cheated and that it's unfair that he got caught for something so stupid. It did cross my mind that he purposely set this up but, I don't think he's smart enough for that.

"Dude, I feel bad for your girlfriend," he said to his friend who cheated on his girlfriend at the bachelor party.

"She would maybe slap my face if she found out” his friend careslessly laughed.

"If it was Elaine, she wouldn't slap you on the face. She would kick you in the ball," he replied.

Really? Ha.

Every time we argue, I’d go back home and tell myself that I should've been more reasonable, more patient. But I don’t know why, the next time I see him, we’d argue again. Maybe I wanted him to understand me more. Maybe I wasn't grateful enough...it takes breaking up for a minute to realize that.

...and I thought about life before him, how my world used to be, how I never opened up, never called, never told anyone what I’m going through. And I thought about life after him, how he made me feel less bitter in general, how he gave me a piece of a very ordinary but happy dream. He's genuinely nice to me.

Throughout the years I slowly understood that in life, you have to make a choice between the one you love and the one who loves you and you should choose the one who loves you because you can learn to love but can't teach someone to love. He has been very tolerant towards me even if I’m an immature bitch 90% of the time.

"Elaine, can I ask you a serious question? Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked. "We'll take it slow this time. I want to have a solid base with you and I don't want any doubts anymore,"

"No."

"I think that was a yes."

Smartass.