Last night, J wanted to drink. I told him I won’t be able to stay out late because I have an exam the next day (today), which is true, I do have exams on Saturdays. So he suggested we go drinking another time. Ok fine. Few minutes later, he texts me because he had nothing to do and insisted we still go drink and leave early. I was thinking…Geez does he want to see my so badly or what? Maybe he’s trying to get in my pants? Yeah, that must be it. Then he goes, “Just an idea, but do you want to bring study stuff and we can do work at a coffee shop?”. Oh waw, did I misheard? Well, that’s different for once. However, I didn’t want to study so we still followed our original plan. When we walked in that bar, or restaurant, or whatever it is, you’re not going to believe who I saw. I saw P! I was like…oh gosh, how is that even possible?! Should I get up and leave? Or maybe should I say "Hi" or something? But he ignored me, so I guess not.
In the end, I thought I should at least go say "Hi" like a grownup. Just a "Hi", I won’t die from it, right?! And he’s going to think that I’m being snobby if I don’t. So I went ahead, said hi and sat beside while J went to pay the bill. His friends were staring at me and they were probably wondering why the hell that random girl sat at their table. It made me so nervous that I just grabbed his cellphone and made a random comment, out of nowhere. Oh my god, kill me. He said he didn't see me, so I'll just assume that he didn't ignore me on purpose. When J was done, we left.
P haven’t called since last week and something tells me he will not call. I was about to delete his number (again). I don’t want to see his number and start debating whether I should call or not. Actually, you know what I want to do? I want to just call him, and ask him for a clear and neat answer. By that I mean, I just want to hear a yes or a no; I don’t want to hear other useless crap. I know it will be hella awkward if I really do this, but that’s still better than wasting my time. How simple was it back in elementary school, right?! Pass a note saying “Do you like me?” to the guy you like and he’d only have the choice between circling Yes or No. You’d either date him or move the fuck on. P could seriously come up with the lamest shit and I’d still say yes, y'know, yet he doesn’t. That guy doesn't fuckin care, does he?! I really need to move on.
By the way, I'm not saying that I will go out with some random guy in case nothing happens with P. That leads to failure for sure and I'm not really excited about dating in general. In fact, I'm totally happy with my single and flirty lifestyle. No stress, no worries, no hassle. You already know how conceited I am; I don't have a "void" that I need to fill with some guy, see? So that's not the point. The point is that, I like P, I really do for some absurd reasons (he knows it...unless he's a retard), but by now, I'm convinced that I definitely and absolutely need to stop thinking about him and just move on...That's what I meant. J and the other A, B, C, D, Es are totally unrelated things.
I need to be realistic.
I need to stop wasting my time.