Before texting P, I told myself that it’s going to be the last fuckin time I do anything as stupid as this. I really never had endure that kind of torture y’know, I mean I could seriously tell Jason to dump his girlfriend for me and he’d do it right away, or even simpler than that, I could just call D back. So, that guy always acts like he doesn’t understand English and I don’t remember what he sent me but it can be interpreted as something like “I’ll give you what you want, but stop annoying me after this. Oh when? Well, in 5 years or maybe 10, but actually I don’t know when because I hope you’ll forget about it by then”. He’s such a woman inside of a man’s body. Can’t even say “leave me alone” short? What a wimp. I deleted his number and I didn’t forget to throw away the bills this time.
You know how much I hate talking about the past but I’ve been thinking about it lately. It hurts when people think I’m born a bitch. I’ve been thinking because there are times I don’t remember how I got to a point like this either. Believe it or not, I’ve never ever been rejected up to now. Everyone thinks that’s the only reason I want P and that’s partly true. No one would believe me even if I said it weren’t anyways, but you can’t blame me for having such a fat ass ego. I’m going to sound so vain and conceited for saying this, but all those fuckers act like lost puppies all the time even if I treat them like dirt. I treat the dirt under my shoes better than that and they still treat me like a goddess. So they like me that fuckin much, eh? Well that’s wonderful. It’s really goddamn addicting, y'know. I don’t really give a shit if they get hurt because they deserve it for wanting to screw me over. Anything that sounds slightly nicer and positive must be a lie, remember this. I felt like I was the queen and they were all slaves. Terrible, I know. I guess it was time for a reality check. Thanks P! It was nice of you, but you can go suck a cock. I’m sorry but it feels weird to not say anything mean.
I’m actually a bit sad too. I didn’t even shed half a drop of tear when my mean ass boyfriend left me under the rain in the middle of Terrebonne (don't ask me where that is), but I was about to cry for that insignificant worthless crap. No Elaine, don’t. I’m not angry right now though, usually I’d start cursing like a sailor, but I’m strangely at peace. I gotta stop relating innocent people to incidents of my past. Let’s face it, he didn’t do anything wrong after all.
Sometimes, I wish I were less nasty. Less careless. Maybe a bit more lovely. More timid? If I could be just an innocent little girl that cares about every little thing and gets hurt by nothing, I would. Maybe things would have been different…but yeah what-eh-ver!
Back to reality.
I know it's fun to read but I won’t bitch about P anymore. This is the last time.
You know what? It’s Saturday, let’s go barhopping.
...because I don't want no love, I just want to get screwed!