This evening, he called me and told me that he’s been
contemplating his life and wants some change. He doesn’t like the corporate
world, and wants to quit his job to become a courier. He would make less money
but he would be happier.
“Think about 5 years from now, is that really what you want?” I know that it was just an idea, just like many others, that he would not pursue, but the fact that he actually believes that he's serious really disappoints me.
“In 5 years? Maybe I’ll be happy doing this for the rest of
my life. Wouldn't you be happy for me?”
“I will be happy for you…but I will definitely not be with you.”
“Why?”
“I think you just
like to dream about being at better places and to fantasize about a different
life, but you would not actually go for it. You
know, I would support you if you were to quit your job to start something
better, but if you quit to become a courier…then I think we’ll have to break
up.”
“What about you then? I think it’s a big mistake that you’re
an accountant. You have an artistic side that you don’t put into use. Did you
know that?”
“I do, but that’s only one little side of me. I chose to
climb the corporate ladder, because I’m that kind of person. I like competition
and I like money. To tell you the truth, even when I was a kid, I didn’t want a job
that I would enjoy doing, because I don’t enjoy doing anything. I enjoy what I’m
good at and I enjoy winning, that’s all. I wanted a job that pays very well. People
say money cannot buy happiness, but I think those people aren’t spending money
the right way and don’t know how to sustain happiness.”
“I agree with you, but money is not that important to me. I
could live well with less money…”
“I'm not like that Jonathan, money is crucially important to
me and I’m not shameful to admit this. You only need money for yourself, but I
need money for everybody. I need to financially support my parents, I want to
live well, I want a good future, and that my kids have better opportunities.”
“I don’t think that far…”
“I know. That’s why sometimes I think that we cannot be together for
very long…”
“Why are you with me then? I really don’t understand…”
“I really want to be with you and I'm very happy now, but in
the future, I have little hope that you will want to be where I’m at...and I
cannot hide that it’s something that I think about constantly.”
“What do you mean? Why are we having this conversation? I
just called you to tell you an idea that I had just like that… don’t you think
we’re talking too deep now?"
“It’s something that will come up later even if not now…I’m
with you become I'm still hoping you can change, mature, and what you want will be different
from today. Honestly, I want a family and kids in a few years, in 5 years maybe. But
if you become a courier, then there is no more hope...”
“Elaine…I have to say that it might never happen, but who
knows? Maybe I will change, and maybe never."
“…I’m just very sad because I think when we’ll get to that point;
you’d rather not be with me.”
“So you want to break up with me?”
“Should I?”
“I think you’re just emotional right now, let’s hang up and
talk later. And you're going away for 3 months, I hope you will take the time to think about what you want”
"I already know with certainty what I want, you're the one who doesn't. Anyways, talk later."
The other day, he asked me if he should get a ferret...because we saw one at the pet shop and he wanted to buy on impulse. I told him that he shouldn't because I don't see him feeding a ferret, vaccinating it, cleaning his shit and bathing it for the next five years. He said it's just a ferret; he can let it go in the forest. So, I angrily told him that it's because of people like him that there are so many abandoned pets at the SPCA. I don't know how to describe the connection that I'm trying to make with this story, but there's something about him, his actions, his beliefs or maybe personality that don't go well with mine...and it's reflected in different aspects...it could be something as little as a ferret, or as important as the conversation above...to me at least.
"I already know with certainty what I want, you're the one who doesn't. Anyways, talk later."
The other day, he asked me if he should get a ferret...because we saw one at the pet shop and he wanted to buy on impulse. I told him that he shouldn't because I don't see him feeding a ferret, vaccinating it, cleaning his shit and bathing it for the next five years. He said it's just a ferret; he can let it go in the forest. So, I angrily told him that it's because of people like him that there are so many abandoned pets at the SPCA. I don't know how to describe the connection that I'm trying to make with this story, but there's something about him, his actions, his beliefs or maybe personality that don't go well with mine...and it's reflected in different aspects...it could be something as little as a ferret, or as important as the conversation above...to me at least.