We spoke a little this morning and he was surprised that I sounded like I was in a good mood. He said he’s saddened by what I said. He keeps thinking that I’m with him because I like the idea of being with him, but I actually never thought of being with someone like him. He’s nothing like the man I thought I would be with. It’s disappointing that he doesn’t even know why I’m with him after all this time.
So I texted him...
“Jonathan, I’m with you, not because I like the idea of being with you as you suggested, but because I love you of course...but it would make me unhappy to be 30 years old and without a family. I can accept all your other differences and disagreements, except this. I hope you can tell that I’ve been more accommodating and less high-strung than before; I’m doing this because I want to be with you. The reason I’m in a good mood this morning is because I’m not confused about what I want...and I know that if someone loves me as much as they claim, and that we’re happy together, they wouldn’t mind this extra step. But if they’d rather be alone than being with me, then I think the reason is clear enough as well. I’m not asking you to predict years ahead ; you don’t have to decide anything now, but I just wanted to let you know that this is the life that I expect to live. I just hope you will mature and understand this.”
“I do recognize you’re a good woman. I broke down reading...I’m at work. Your vision is clear. Mine not so much...I feel like our paths and visions are different fundamentally, that’s why I wanted to take it slow. Now, we’re at a crossroad again. I need to think about what I want. You’re in my thoughts. I will call you later, xx.”