I got to write about that Jonathan.
We went to take a long walk on Mont-Royal yesterday. We walked all the way to the top and then, down. That took us 4 hours.
On our way down, “Give me your hand, I want to hold it,” he asked.
“NO!” I answered, without even hesitating.
“Please?” he asked again, 10 minutes later.
“No!”
“Hands?”
“I said no!”
…he asked at least 20 times, haha. Poor guy.
Finally we held hands, walked around the cold streets of Mont-Royal until the evening and shared a crunchie.
Everything he tells me is heard before, but I really want to believe him…and actually, I do believe him. This guy keeps his words aligned with actions. Usually, when a guy invites a girl over to their place, it's to fuck them. However, he didn’t do that. I think I gave him enough hints that I didn’t want to and there's a chance we won’t see each other again if it happens. You know what we did instead? We watched The Notebook; my favourite movie! I watched that movie at least 5 times.
…okay okay, the truth is that I forced him to sit through it, hehe.
I love this movie because it reminds me of who I am and what I want underneath it all. That's the kind of love that I want. The best things in life are bittersweet. Also, that movie makes me think and I try to figure out my own life. The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; and the only thing more impossible than staying is leaving. If I were Allie, would I choose Lon or Noah? Allie chose her first love Noah, but in my case, I don’t live in a movie and I'm not playing a character. I didn't follow my heart and I'm afraid I will choose Lon and not die completely happy, to always feel like something is missing...
"Yesterday, I tried to convince you for 3 hours to hold my hand and you didn't want to...and look at you now, you can’t even keep your hands off me. I like that, there's improvement" he said.
Then he was trying to kiss me and got rejected 20 times. I don't know how he can endure me for that long. I contradict everything and obstinate all the time. When he says yes, I say no. When he says the sky is blue, I tell him it’s not exactly blue. When he looks at me I push him away and when he doesn’t look at me, I go tease him. He says I'm like a cat, which is so true.
Finally as I was leaving, he kissed me. We just left each other, walking in opposite directions...and at the moment I turned my head to look back, he looked back as well and we smiled at each other. So corny, yes.
The next day he called me, “When we looked back at each other, it was like The Notebook,” he said.
“Yark!” I answered. I’m so mean, haha.