Today, I went skating at the old port with a guy I just met, Med. I haven't skated for at least six years and I wasn't that skilled at it even back then, so imagine now. Luckily, I only fell on my butt once, hehe.
I was very honest with him because I'm determined to not repeat the same mistake of feeding into unrealistic expectations, no matter how eager I am to please and to be liked. It's something that I'm learning to do right now. Even when he asked if I ever used people to my advantage, I said I did and I can't say I won't do it again.
"Would you be friends with users?" I asked.
"I would," he answered, after contemplating for a minute.
"I would too," I said. "They could be murderers or psychopaths but, as long as they treat me right then I don't see a problem. I never question my friends' life choices." I think that's a question that I will start asking people and it will determine how close we can ever get. There aren't any right or wrong answers; it's just that I start to realize the importance of sharing a certain level of agreement on that concern.
Then that song played among many others...
Seize the day or die
Regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here
Too many people to ache over
Newborn life replacing all of us
Changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here
So where do we go?
I've been listening to that song on repeat over and over lately. It's quite old, I think, but it still gives me goosebumps. It makes me think of all the time I've wasted, the people I've lost, the chaos brought amongst myself and the peace found again.
...I've finally become more accepting of things in general. I told him I used to keep many secrets from others but now, I don't have any secrets anymore...and it feels like skating on a merry evening, through breezes and bathed in lights. It's weightless. It feels like running out of myself. This is how it feels to be free.
"What are your secrets?" I asked.
"I wake up at night, wear a mask and fight crimes" he answered, in a serious tone.
"Oh my gosh, really? How?" I actually believed him for a second, haha.
I had a great evening!