He's sweet and thoughtful and there's physical attraction for sure but... that's all it is. I think I'm just not in the right mood at all. I'm in that mood I don't want people to notice me or to approach me. It might be weird to say this but I want to be the one that no one knows about. I'm tired of all that attention I receive; I can't handle that.
Everyone irritates me;
I'm sick of boys trying to impress me by acting like retards
I'm sick of hearing girls bitch-talking
I'm sick of people who can't see past my hair and make-up
I'm sick of all that dumbshit and fakeness!
I don't even want to go anywhere too crowded...and I don't like going to school for that reason. I don't want to bump into people I know and be forced to say "Hi!!!" with a huge smile on my face. I want to be isolated from the outside world and be surrounded by the very few close friends I have ONLY. Am I normal?
"Elaine, you're beautiful, be strong. Go out, meet new people! You're a good person and good things will happen to you one day"
Blah-blah-fucking-blah. I know those lines by heart, thanks. And they don't mean shit to me. Don't they sound pathetic? Those are the things we all tell each other but no one ever wants to hear.
I don't know. I really don't see myself with someone, flirting and acting all cute and cheesy anymore. I'm not able to maintain interest in any one person anymore. I don't want to be alone but I just feel like being alone is what I need. Aren't there people who are simply meant to be alone and take things as they come? Then I brag about how I get to do whatever I want and start to say things like "Yay! I'm free!" to comfort myself. Yes I'm pessimistic...but there was a time I wasn't and I was told that I was being too naive.
I'm too tired. Need to stay home...