Goodbye?

Today, I got Kevin's e-mail, but I didn't read it yet. I'm hesitating to open it just as usual, I think I'll wait a few weeks before reading it. Goshh I'm such a weirdo, am I the only one? I'm not quite sure why, but I think it's because I'm scared that he'll lose his patience one day and that he'll not care about me anymore. It's funny how I'm sort of contradicting myself because I also wish he could move on, find someone better and just be happy. On the other hand, there's still that little pinching in my heart at idea that one day he'll not care anymore. I really just want someone to care and of course I can't be selfish. Up to now, he never deceived me and never did one thing that could possibly make me mad, but I'm still scared to read that e-mail! Would it be better if I just cut contact? How do I do this? Is there a better way to do it? Should I tell him why? Or do I just disappear without a word? I don't wanna be mean, but it's even more evil to not be mean. Why am I so complicated?!