"Nothing. Just going to eat lobster with my family tonight," I replied.
"Dressed like this? I don't believe you." he said.
"Don't believe me then."
What, I cannot be pretty anymore?! Tch.
Here's my mom chopping lobsters' head off in the back yard, and my aunt trying to learn. We're so Chinese, yes.
Every time we see each other, we just always end up getting mad or something. We rarely get along for one entire day. Sometimes, he would suspect me to be cheating on him when I dress too pretty, or when I don’t answer his texts right away. I always answer his texts, unless I'm sleeping. Other times, he would act like an idiot because some dudes try to hit on me, or question me like I'm a criminal when I talk to male friends. Gosh.
The other day, he slapped me on my face, as a joke he claims, with a reasonable degree of force but not enough to hurt. Even if it didn’t hurt, it's just a bad move. The experience that revolves around a slap on the face is usually negative for most people. When you slap someone on their face, you will remind them how and why they got slapped before, when it wasn’t joke. Right?
...or am I just finding every excuse to be upset with him? I don't know.
I do remind myself to be calm and to stop getting mad so easily. So I tried to retain my anger but it didn't work. It’s just hard to talk when you’re pissed off, especially when you’re name’s Elaine, ha. Just kidding.
I was like...fuck that, I'm going home. He tried to stop me but I pushed him away. I walked from the Old Port to Chinatown and he followed me quietly. I went to the washroom and while I was in there, I calmed down and blah blah blah, then things were fine again.
Today, he got mad at me because of something really stupid. He says I’ve been with too many guys and he can’t get that image out of his head, most precisely of me having a threesome. At first, I was patient with him, but he kept giving me the cold shoulder "Don't touch me. I see you differently now."
So I told him "I’m going home then."
"Are we going to play this game again? I came after you the other day like an idiot, and I'm not going to do it again,” he said, as I was walking away. “Can we talk?” he tried to stop me. “Listen, I have something to say. I really don’t mind what happened before, you do all these things for me and we’re happy together now. That’s all that matters.”
Really? He should've taken it when I was being nice.
At this point, I didn't want to talk anymore. As I was walking away, I wasn't scared to loose him. I’ll have more time to study for my CPA at least. In a way, I also wanted to find out what he means to me if it really was over between us.
…but guess what, he actually followed me again. I didn't listen. He gives me too much power in this relationship, and that’s only because he likes me. I feel bad for torturing him honestly. I should have been more patient.
He texted me this half an hour later.
| Him: Elaine, There are no words to describe the way I feel in this moment. Now that I shed a tear for you, I swear I'll never make you cry again. My heart's hurting and I don't want to loose you. I can only hope that it's reciprocal and that you'll take a step forward for me. You are consumming my thoughts. xx Me: I'm so sorry for acting that way, I just want to be alone, don't feel bad... Him: No, I told you that I don't care what happened before. I wouldn't be with you if I were not ready to handle things like these. But I'm glad that you realize that it's useless to run away. I just need to know that you're mine, that we're together... Me: Anyways, I'll talk to you later. |
You know what I don't understand? If he actually feels that way then why the hell did he ignore me when I was being nice and when I'm finally pissed off, he comes to beg after me? I knew he were that kind of guy from the first day I met him, seriously.
Anyways.
"If you're pissed then you can just tell me you don't want to talk and I will give you space, but dont just run away without a word like this. Okay?" he said on the phone, later that evening.
"K..." I said, feeling a little immature.