Before I start writing about what just happened earlier, I want to clarify that he doesn't know about this blog. He just called my home phone and my mom picked up...and I never gave him my home phone number, what the fuck.
After getting some stuff done in downtown today, I called Jonathan and we agreed to meet at his place. I got there before him and the first thing I did, I ran to the washroom to take a piss, ha. Okay, then I started looking through his letters on his desk, smelling his bed, looking in the kitchen for traces of evidence. Yes I know. That’s bad.
Let me tell you why I suspect him. The other day, we wanted to watch a certain movie but he couldn't find where he downloaded it. He was looking through his files while I was sitting there next to him, and I saw a file named “Daphne”. "Try the Daphne file; it might be in it,” I said, as a joke. I honestly didn't even care that much about her, until he started explaining why it didn’t work out with her and telling me about her flaws. When a guy overexplains, it becomes suspicious.
My doctor once told me that a woman’s instinct is a gift. It’s not for nothing that we have it. “If you think that your man might be cheating on you, chances are that he already did,” she told me. Personally, I don't rely on it as much. I’d rather find supporting evidences before reaching a conclusion
So, I was going through his stuff and I saw that his laptop was open with his facebook on. I went in his inbox and clicked on his conversation with Daphne. Guess what I saw, I can’t remember exactly, but long story short, I saw things like, “it's not that serious, she's shady, I don't trust her”...and other things of the sort.
This is basically a no-win situation because I’m in the wrong for reading his messages without his permission. When a relationship is new, there are unwritten rules that are established in the first few weeks. If today I decide to suck it up, it means that I'll have to endure this until the end. If I were still the young girl I used to be, I would just pretend that nothing happened. I would resent him, but I would also miserably stick around for a chance to make his life a hell.
…but today, I’m a grown woman and I’m not going to take shit from anybody. Tell me I'm a bitch, but I have to let him know clearly that I can leave him any day. It's not that I want to do this, but he's leaving me with no choice. I know that the messages I saw didn't really mean anything, but it could mean something as well. I admit that I'm not in love with him, but I'm open to that possibility and I never thought about cheating on him or hiding anything.
I grabbed all my stuff and walked out the door. I even left their conversation open so he doesn't think that I got mad for no reason because I'm PSMing. So I left, and realised that I forgot my phone and I was like...damn it. I have to go back to take it but I was pretty sure that he was going to be home soon and I might run into him if I go back. I ran back quickly and saw him from far, he saw me too. I ran inside, grabbed my phone and left through the front door.
....and fuck, I forgot to take my few t-shirts that I left somewhere at his place too.
I wasn't sad honestly. He called my phone so many times that I couldn't even listen to my music in peace. Then he sends me a text telling me to check my facebook. What could he have written? That he cannot live without me and blah blah blah? Bitch please, as if a few redundant words would change my perception of him right now.
Ok, that fucker wrote this on his wall:
And wrote this on mine:
I’m not going to lie. This is actually kind of touching.
...but I don't even understand how anything that has to do with me would hurt Daphne, they are over like way before I met him, so he didn't have to talk about me in such bad way. Also, he mentions that she's very sensitive towards him...but would he tell Daphne that he talks to me in a certain way bacause I'm very sensitive to him and blah blah blah? It's kind of hard to believe him.
I don't know what to do about him yet.