Is this just a coincidence? Because everytime I stop caring about him, he'd call me to apologize. I can't imagine what it would be to play this game forever.
Yesterday, he texted me this "I'm thinking about it, Elaine. I think we can definitely meet. Let's put some more time to this new approach first though. I see you're already making progress. Let's not forget...have a good day :)"
I didn't answer him.
You see, I convinced him to come meet me today, but I'm not happy. I'm a good talker, or maybe just a liar, and even if I couldn't convince him, I'd be able to make him bad...but I really don't want to do this, especially to someone who is close. It just happens that Jonathan is someone who is externally motivated. Why did I do this then? Because.
I always imagined myself being with someone who is similar to me but in a stronger, wiser and smarter version, y'know.
This morning, he called me saying that he cannot come because he has a meeting and asked if we could see each other tonight instead.
"I can't. I have to go see a doctor after work."
"Do you have a date? If so, you can just tell me..."
"No, I'm going to see a doctor...but so what if I do? It's none of your business."
"Are you over me already?"
"I'm just very disappointed."
"I really want to see you, I thought about it. I'm sorry Elaine, I miss you."
"We'll talk later, I'm working."
"Ok, call me later...don't play me though, I'm hurting."
We hung up, and he texted me again...
"Elaine, what a mistake it was saying what I said. Letting it slip away is stupid and again, this is me coping with abandonment issues I guess. I've realized that I need to invest in the people who care and love me. I don't know where you stand on that now...but I feel and hope you're one of those people still...but I need to know and please be honest, have you been with anyone?"
"No. And I'm really confused. I don't think you want to be with me. Like I said, I don't think I can wait forever. I'm getting old fast. I could convince you over and over again, but I won't be happy if you cannot convince yourself."
"You're confused because I'm confusing you. I'm acting like a boy, not a man. You've been nothing but patient throughout this time and its really shown me that your caring is deep. Let's work because now, I'm loosing it...I will call you later."
We're 10 PM right now and 2 hours ago, he called me to say that we will meet another day, so I asked him why.
"I'm scared."
"...of?"
"I'm scared of you."
"...but what's the difference between today or another day?"
"I don't know, I'm not prepared mentally."