Jonathan: December 31st 2011, 11:30 PM...I have just read your letters, and again my heart is sunken and my eyes heavy. I have never opened up to anyone about my parents but you are correct in that I have been deeply affected by their divorce...
I also fear that you may not know love so I'm scared to be vulnerable and accept what you're saying. I have a very hard time believing that I'm loved. I'm sorry if this text has disturbed your night. I'm just so full of emotions right now.
As I write this, I think back on 2011. I know you account for a big part of it. The good and the bad...also looking back at us. I think you are right that we were blindly infatuated and overconfident...perhaps on my end this was due to my own commitment insecurities...I never had a template for love...I admire your strength and you are on my mind...
Me: It's okay, I miss you.
Jonathan: You see through my deeply rooted flaws. I'm sure you're doing what you can to move on...and I have no right to feel jealousy or envy. So tonight when you're kissing someone at the stroke of midnight, know that despite it all, I'm wishing that guy was me...
Me: Jonathan, I miss you so much, I don't want anybody else.
Jonathan: Xx...Happy New Year Elaine. I squeeze you tight. Are you out?
Me: Yes, but I'm going home soon.
Jonathan: I ate at a friend's house. I saw your envelope when I came home around 11...been reminiscing and contemplating since. I'm sorry about this, you have a way of stirring me up inside...are you safe?
Me: Yeah, don't worry.
Jonathan: Of course I'm worried...I miss you too. I still need some time. But I have very far from forgotten. I would die to come pick you up right now, but I'm scared it would be too difficult still. We'll talk soon. Sweet dreams...
Me: Okay, I'll always be there for you anytime, sweet dreams...
Jonathan: Elaine...xx