Life after China

My parents came to the airport to pick me up and I was glad to see them. However, as they ask me if I’ll miss Hangzhou, I wanted to cry again, but of course I had to hold back. The first few weeks after I got back to Montreal was difficult, I felt entirely misplaced. I still thought I was in China, and I couldn't believe all this became part of yesterday. Is this what we call reverse cultural shock? It feels odd to not see Chinese faces on the streets. I miss my bed in China, I miss the view from my dormitory, I miss the stinky smell of the public bathrooms, I miss the tasty Muslim noodles, and I miss…China. I felt completely disconnected and only wanted to stay home on my own, couldn’t help but think backwards even though life goes on and I should probably look frontward. I wonder, if that feeling of detachment did not happen when I first got to China, what would that mean? I am not sure whether it is because I found better or that I am a complete loser who just woke up from the escape of reality.

Perhaps “meaningful” is the word I am looking for. For example, if you haven’t seen a friend for a week, that’s a hella long time in China, this is simply because Chinese live for the moment. Countless technologies today, that is supposed to bring us closer, is actually creating barriers, but it makes our life so much “easier” that we don’t think about it, and along side, things lose their meanings. Are we actually improving or unconsciously regressing? It seems like life is harder for Chinese because conditions in China are not as good compared to here, but life is definitely more fulfilling and meaningful in China, because they truly cherish what they have. That sense of being full…of being alive is difficult describe, but I can feel it. Maybe many Chinese who grew up in China seek to immigrate to America, but after seeing both sides, I dream I could be part of them.

As the days go by, I hoped to get back in place and do my best at school and just anything for the time I am here. At the same time, it always seems like my body is here but my heart is elsewhere and constantly thinking of leaving. How would you feel if you changed, but people around you didn't? Once upon a time, getting wasted every night seemed like lots of fun and was all I wanted, but that can no longer satisfy me. I read an interesting article called “Sigmoid Curve” written by Charles Handy. It essentially says that as some summits are attained, one must find a higher summit in order to remain motivated and that becomes our driving force or inspiration. He used the sigmoid curve to maily describe organizations, but I think that applies to anyone.

Life can be viewed as a learning experience, learning about ourselves. In order to do so, we first learn about others. The more we know about others and see the differences and similarities; we get to understand ourselves better. As we learn about other cultures, we get to know ours’ better. On the other hand, the more we see, the more it gets unclear and we continually search answers to that unclearness. Hence, new and more complex questions are the higher summits that inspire us. What’s the purpose of all this? To grow, to be a better person, to be happy I guess? Maybe we are living in the hope to find those answers, answers to those never-ending questions.

Miss you, always.

好久不见!
今天受到你的E-mail真的很开心。
你最近怎么样? 你会说韩语吗? 学习韩语进步得很快啊。哈哈。
在中国的生活中认识你的事对我来说最开心的，最宝贵的事。我可能永远忘不了你。
过去的内容好还是不好对现在的我都是珍贵的回忆。我真的谢谢你!
听说你明年夏天来韩国学习吧。我当然希望再见你的面，当然欢迎我们做朋友的关系。但是问题是明年3月16日我去当兵。如果你来到韩国以后留下你的电话号码的话，我休假其间一定联系你吧。我想你! 哈哈。再见!

이원우(李元友)

Solitude

From love grows happiness
From happiness grows greed
From greed grows jealousy
From jealousy grows anger
From anger grows pain
From pain grows distrust
From distrust grows solitude...

Come on down with me

Let's ignore time's existence
Let's forget the world's being

Come on down with me

China: If there were no tomorrow

A question that many people like to ask：If tomorrow was the end of the world, then what would you do today? See things that you didn't get the chance to see? Do things that you were not game to do? No matter how certain you are now…If there were really no tomorrow, then a lot of things would not matter anymore and it is at that time that you realize what is most important to you and you get to understand what kind of person you really are underneath it all.

That last day in China, I just wanted to be with you. The West Lake is attractive indeed, but I didn't want to be there. I would be the happiest girl alive if I could stay with you and make a living in China. I’d wait for you every night until you finish work and we’d go for walks in the park at 5 am when everyone else is sleeping. Did I just borrow you to build that perfect dream? As for all dreams, we must wake up someday. Tomorrow, I'll be heading towards a different direction and you'll continue in your direction...but that moment we spent together meant forever to me.

It fascinates me how two totally different persons can come together, especially for two persons who live on opposite sides of the world. Maybe everything seemed so perfect because the time we spent together was so short that we didn’t see the bad sides of each other, but isn’t it better like that? The good times were short but enough to still unconsciously smile when reminisced.

I don’t care how cheesy this is, I’m happy!

Ordinariness

Being able to accept ordinariness can be a form of blessing

中国

Love & Pride