My parents came to the airport to pick me up and I was glad to see them. However, as they ask me if I’ll miss Hangzhou, I wanted to cry again, but of course I had to hold back. The first few weeks after I got back to Montreal was difficult, I felt entirely misplaced. I still thought I was in China, and I couldn't believe all this became part of yesterday. Is this what we call reverse cultural shock? It feels odd to not see Chinese faces on the streets. I miss my bed in China, I miss the view from my dormitory, I miss the stinky smell of the public bathrooms, I miss the tasty Muslim noodles, and I miss…China. I felt completely disconnected and only wanted to stay home on my own, couldn’t help but think backwards even though life goes on and I should probably look frontward. I wonder, if that feeling of detachment did not happen when I first got to China, what would that mean? I am not sure whether it is because I found better or that I am a complete loser who just woke up from the escape of reality.
Perhaps “meaningful” is the word I am looking for. For example, if you haven’t seen a friend for a week, that’s a hella long time in China, this is simply because Chinese live for the moment. Countless technologies today, that is supposed to bring us closer, is actually creating barriers, but it makes our life so much “easier” that we don’t think about it, and along side, things lose their meanings. Are we actually improving or unconsciously regressing? It seems like life is harder for Chinese because conditions in China are not as good compared to here, but life is definitely more fulfilling and meaningful in China, because they truly cherish what they have. That sense of being full…of being alive is difficult describe, but I can feel it. Maybe many Chinese who grew up in China seek to immigrate to America, but after seeing both sides, I dream I could be part of them.
As the days go by, I hoped to get back in place and do my best at school and just anything for the time I am here. At the same time, it always seems like my body is here but my heart is elsewhere and constantly thinking of leaving. How would you feel if you changed, but people around you didn't? Once upon a time, getting wasted every night seemed like lots of fun and was all I wanted, but that can no longer satisfy me. I read an interesting article called “Sigmoid Curve” written by Charles Handy. It essentially says that as some summits are attained, one must find a higher summit in order to remain motivated and that becomes our driving force or inspiration. He used the sigmoid curve to maily describe organizations, but I think that applies to anyone.
Life can be viewed as a learning experience, learning about ourselves. In order to do so, we first learn about others. The more we know about others and see the differences and similarities; we get to understand ourselves better. As we learn about other cultures, we get to know ours’ better. On the other hand, the more we see, the more it gets unclear and we continually search answers to that unclearness. Hence, new and more complex questions are the higher summits that inspire us. What’s the purpose of all this? To grow, to be a better person, to be happy I guess? Maybe we are living in the hope to find those answers, answers to those never-ending questions.