Right now, we're at a point where we could break up any day.
Last time we talked, he reacted defensively. He asked me what I wanted. "You can either go back to school or break up with me," I answered.
The next day, he asked me to come to his place. "We're not seeing each other anymore unless we find solution to this problem" I told him.
"You're right. Let me get my shit straight. I have been complacent and I owe you for shaking me up. You're in my life and I will keep you. I miss you, little brat," he said. "Will you accept my commitment of going back to school?"
"No. If you want to go to school, do it for you. Even if one day we don't end up together, the degree will still be your's. You understand? It will only benefit you."
"I know. I want to do this. Just say yes, please, will you accept?"
"Okay, yes. Do it then."
I went to his place on Monday and he actually cleaned up, bought food, did his dishes, etc. It's not perfect, but I can tell that he put in a lot of effort.
I honestly find it odd that he changes so fast. What went through his mind? I can't help but wonder if he said that against his will only to keep me. Can he actually tell the difference between what I want and what he wants?...because I don't want him to resent me in the future.
...but I think he's definitely just saying anything to keep me. "If you want something, tell me. I will do it if I can," he tells me when I'm angry. But just a moment later, he'll ask me to not tell him what to do when I'm just asking him to walk a little faster because the light is turning yellow for example.
Is it me or is this guy just lost?
Earlier this week, I reminded him that he has to apply to school this week. He promised me that he would. I didn't tell him one thing though; if he doesn't do it by Sunday for whatever reason, I'll leave him.
Today, he tells me that he could maybe get a job as a "technician" in the north of Quebec in those mining fields.
In brief, he told me this:
1-It pays 100 000$/year.
2-He will work 3 weeks there and come back here for 2 weeks.
3-The contract lasts 3 years.
4-He wants to buy a house at 30 years old with that money.
5-He wants to go back to school at 30 years old. He is 27 right now, by the way.
...but does he realize that:
1-300 000$ after-tax is not enough to buy a house, especially in Montreal.
2-When he comes back, his little job at the telecommunication company will not pay the rest and all the related expenses.
3-Those 3 years of "mining experience" is unlikely to be helpful to his future career.
4-I know him well enough to know that he's not ambitious enough to go back to school at 30 years old. Also, I can guarantee that it will take him at least 5 years to finish his degree because he will work at the same time, he might have a family by then, and learning pace decreases with age. However at that point, it won't matter anymore because I'll be gone.
What's more beneficial in the long-run? Does this guy use his brain or what?! That's the kind of job that I would maybe accept if I were 18 years old, without a career goal...and if I were a boy obviously.
I posted a poem by J.R.R. Tolkien on my facebook the other day.
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall we woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
He thought that I was talking about him...and he's totally wrong.
Not all those who wander are lost? Well maybe some of them are actually lost.
P.S.: Okay, so now he’s not going anymore.
"When I meet your mom, I’m going to slap her for making you smart. And I’m going to punch your dad for giving you such a hard head. I’m going to school tomorrow to speak with someone about creating a path. But you need to have faith in me baby," he said.
Tch.