"I've never seen a person like you, someone who laughs so hard, but cries so much at the same time. When you're happy, you're really happy. When you're sad, you're really sad. And when you're mad, you're really fucking mad."
...said someone I used to know.
I used to feel like an hurricane that tore everything apart. Every grain of emotion seemed exponentially magnified and consumed my thoughts. In other words, I was an emotional mess.
But one day, I learned something about my mind. The mind is the most powerful tool one has, and learning to control the dominant and recurring thoughts can turn illusions into reality, because every external effect has an inner cause. Unfortunately, most people have it backwards, thinking they feel a certain way because of circumstances when in fact, our lives are driven by our collective thoughts and beliefs.
Everything in life can accurately reveal your thoughts and beliefs. You think your job, relationships, finances and education are too superficial? Think again.
...and so, I started experimenting and gave myself this power. Somehow, I willed myself to make something of myself and trick people into thinking I'm a respectable person...and I stopped crying.
Nowadays, life feels so alien. I'm so detached from emotions that I can will my mind to think anything and I can be anybody. I'm not a robot though, I do have emotions, I'm very aware of them and I can confidently say I understand them more than anybody can understand theirs, but I only observe from a distance. I don't actually feel those emotions, if that makes sense...I feel it's more of a scientific experiment. Sometimes, I don't quite know who I am.
Am I sad? Do I care? Does it even matter? I just feel life is such an illusion, and maybe it's better that way.