You stalkers totally cannot live without me, ha!♥♥♥
Anyone who dreams to achieve higher and become a better person will, at some point, suffer vertigo. Contrarily to popular belief, vertigo is not necessarily that fear of falling. It is beyond fear; vertigo is a desire to fall into what we once were so terrified of. It’s that eagerness to give up all we possess and fall into what we once fought hard to break the chains that tied us to.
A long familiar voice is calling me back; there is something blissful about the helpless and lonely days. There is something pleasurable in all that hatred, denial and disrespect. There’s something captivating in errors and mistakes. It’s almost hypnotizing. From time to time, that madness tries to lure me back…
Luckily, there's something that always picks me from that constant state of vertigo. An adequate amount of it is needed whenever I have to put in twice as much effort as others would because the truth is that I'm just not as smart as everyone thinks I am. I took initiative to better my life and it keeps me going whenever that pressure on my back becomes too heavy to bear. It keeps me sane and away from all unhealthy influences. That something that picks me from vertigo is a personality trait that has various names and labels.
A different name and definition exist for that same trait depending on the circumstances, friends and family’s opinions, society’s culture, ethics, religion and so on. Persistence, stubbornness, obstinacy, tenaciousness, determinedness, hard-headedness …or even pig-headedness are all synonyms for the same trait.
The only difference is that persistence, tenaciousness and determinedness are positive terms for the simple fact that everyone approves your idea. On the other hand, stubbornness, obstinacy and pig-headedness have negative connotations because no one agrees with you.
Differently said, it means that you’re only considered persistent when you have a vision that aligns with the majority…but it becomes stubbornness when your vision is that of which no one understands. You’re tenacious when you refuse to let go of things considered worthy by society...but you become pig-headed if that worth is lost in the eyes of the public.
As for me, I’ve been called stubborn repeatedly. I don’t think I ever argued back nor did I try to convince anyone of the opposite because there’s something ironic about it; attempting to convince others that you’re not stubborn is a stubborn act in itself. Everyone can say the right words at the right timing but in the end, only actions matter.
What are those people showing me by trying to convince me that their reason is more valid than mine? Could it be possible that those people are unsatisfied for being unable to persuade me or to prove that they are more correct than I am so they call me stubborn to make me sound more wrong? Could it be possible that those people cherry-picked the more likeable traits of my personality and therefore, they feel like I should more resemble to the character they imagined me to be? Who knows.
I realized that they will always talk you down for that trait.
They will always talk like it is a character flaw.
I know a lot of those people whose intelligence is just so stupid…
In fact, I don’t even get offended anymore because it is basically just to say that I know what I want but they have no means to understand it because they haven’t seen what I’ve seen. As simple as that.
In the end; I’m the only one knowledgeable enough to judge my own actions.
You can call me stubborn and all you want, I'm shameless about it!