Cross country road trip

I always wanted to drive west across the country, but every year I find an excuse not to go. The first year I got this idea, it was getting late in the season and I was afraid of snow falling soon. The following year, I moved to a new place and was overwhelmed with work. A year later, I got Dyno and he was too young for that much strenuous activities. Then next year, I was kinda decided to go, but Covid-19 hit. Last year, a lot of places were still semi-closed. This year, the USA border is still not yet open for unvaccinated people and I always wanted to come back from the USA side. I feel like there will always be a new excuse every year, and I already know what my excuse will be next year. I don't want to let this stop me from going. Part of me is excited to go on this adventure alone with Dyno, but part of me is scared of things going wrong, and perhaps that's why I delayed this trip so many times. Most importantly, I know I really need to do this for myself. 

I've worked hard this year with very little time off, and all my mandates are ending at the same time. Life is giving me a sign that I should go. It's also going to give me some time to reflect on the most important decision of my lifetime, which is that of becoming a singe mom by choice.

Being present

I have to admit that lately, I've been having a hard time focusing. I've been spending more time on social media, I've been watching more movies, I'm always glued to my phone and doing mentally passive activities. It's become a terrible habit.

I remember when I was little, I could just close my eyes and have so much fun with my imagination. Now, I'm scrolling through stuff on my phone until I fall asleep. I look at Dyno, and I feel bad that I'm not present mentally. He would just lay beside me, doing absolutely nothing but perfectly relaxed and totally content. There's so much that humans can learn from dogs. He reminds me of the basics that I keep forgetting.

I have to practice being present again. 

We don't know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

April 18th - Another year older

It's been another year around the sun.

I care a little less with every year that passes.

I don't wear make-up anymore.

I don't wash my hair anymore.

I bring my dog to places where he's not allowed.

I wear gym clothes when I meet clients.

I don't hide my septum ring anymore.

When I'm told I can't, I say move out of my way.

If I were in a movie, I'd be a villain and I'm perfectly happy about it.

Second chance

Sometimes God puts us in the same situation to give us a second chance to make a better decision.

I don't believe in any God, but this resonates with me so much lately.

This time, I choose me.

2021

I say this every year but 2021 might be my favorite year.

It was a year about jalapeno cheetos and white wines, premixed cocktail on the road, movies in the car, coffee with a view, heavy backpacks and snicker bars, baked potatoes and campfires, mosquitoe bites and sunburns.

There were many great adventures in 2021, but what I'm most grateful for are friends. Strangely, it's the exact opposite of what I said in 2020 which was a year about being alone. I reconnected with a few friends who, despite past fights and disagreements, matter to me more than I thought.

I went back to the mountains with Johnny, just us two (and Dyno), like it used to be almost 10 years ago. We sang in the car again, sat by a river and meditated, we talked about who we used to be. I used to find him childish and annoying but, we find more points in common as we age. 

I also started climbing with Nam again. In the blink of an eye, it's been almost 6 years since we started. I probably would not have continued if it wasn't because of him. He helped me improve as a climber and as a friend, he helped me even more. 

If 2020 was winter, then 2021 was spring. I'm looking forward to summer!

Dyno is almost 3

Dyno used to be my baby, I had to take care of him and train him strictly. I wanted him to be obedient, well-trained and perfect. As he grew older, we gained some mutual understanding and he has become my best friend. I don't even want to change his imperfections anymore because that's what makes him special. A well-trained dog is great, but there is nothing like a happy dog.

There are many things I would not have done if it wasn't for him. I would probably still be working endless hours, wasting life away. He is my main motivation to get off the couch and to go on an adventure, and to live a life on my own terms. He really resembles me, he is calm, smart (ugh...yeah I call myself smart), a bit wary but generally confident. He is of course his own personality and has his shortcomings and I have mine, but the parts where we differ make us compliment each other so well. He is relaxed, and I'm mostly a stressed person. He is patient, and I'm impatient. I learn a lot from him and he always needs a little push from me.

When something bad happens to me, I look at him and think to myself, at least I have him. Nothing else matters. He's still there sleeping peacefully, always content and easily satisfied. I know exactly where my place is, I feel content and my life is full. I don't really have to do much to keep him happy, all I have to do is to be myself. 

He never complains and always willing to follow, even when I do crazy stuff like sleeping in a car, long suffering hikes, sleeping outside in the cold instead of sleeping in a warm bed. I feel less crazy with him by my side and everything is more worthwhile. I'm thankful he's here to accompany me in all my adventures and misadventures.

He is almost 3...it's bittersweet how time flies. 

Happiness In Retrospect

My worst fear has happened...for the second time. Gaspésie is really touristic and if you want to get away to see something different, you'll have to take an unbeaten path...literally. Yesterday, as I was driving to see Grotte des Fées, which is in the middle of nowhere, and way too hard to reach for what it had to offer. I hit a huge pothole on my way there, it did not feel nice, but I had no idea what it did to my tires. It was on a paved road so you would not expect that. After that pothole, I drove through 12km of nasty forest road just to see a cave that wasn't really a cave. Then, I drove another hour east to Cap-Chat.

When I got to my campsite and sat on my camping chair to relax, that's when I saw the damage to my front tire. The exterior wall of my run-flats was badly damaged. I think the interior was fine, considering the fact that I drove quite some distance after that pothole, but still too dangerous to keep on driving. I went to a garage in town and called around, it was impossible to find the size of tire that I needed. My car is not very common and my tire size doesn't even exist in winter version, just to give an idea of how hard to find it is. My best chance at finding those tires was in Quebec City which is still way too far. 

Luckily, a friend that I ignored for 2 years and that I've recently started speaking too is driving by in 2 days, and I was able to order the tire in Montreal for the next day and he can bring them to me. I thought my problem was solved, but when I decided to examine all my tires, I noticed the back tire was also damaged to a lesser extent, it had a bubble but the exterior was not torn apart like the front one. It was already past opening hours, so I had to call back in the morning and luckily, they can place the order and receive in the same day. 

I found the tires so now all that's left to do was to find a garage to change the tires. I called every single garage in town, and the next town for an appointment but all of them were booked until next week. I definitely am not staying until next week in a small town with nothing to do. I called again and offered to pay double if they open their shop earlier, and luckily, the second garage I called accepted. The nightmare isn't over until then, thoughts like what if there is a delay with the delivery of the tires, what if my friend changed his mind, what if the garage forgets our appointment, keep going through my mind... but I still tried to keep the spirit up and make the best out of my trip. 

Maybe all this was meant to happen. I was planning to hike 2 mountains that were a little intimidating. I felt some stress just thinking about it. Maybe there is a greater force that did not want me to go. I'm unlucky but also so lucky that my friend was driving by exactly 2 days later, not the next day so I had time to order my tires. I'm lucky that I got back in touch with that friend. Also, he wasn't coming for me specifically, he is off to another destination and I happen to be on his way, so he accepted to ship me my tires. There couldn't be a better timing, everything happens for a reason.

So for the next couple of days, while I waited,  I took it slow, explored a rocky beach, found a sandy section. I sat there and observed birds, I even saw a whale. It's amazing how those magnificent creatures are just nearby, makes me think how my problems are so minor compared to the magnitude of life and how deep this river really is. Things aren't all perfect, and problems arise inevitably but things are also aligned so that I can solve those problems. I'm so grateful. 

At least, Dyno is here to keep me company.

In retrospect, those couple of days in Cap-Chat were probably my favorite days of my trip to Gaspesie.