Health

Taking the time for yourself is so important yet it's probably the last thing on the priority list for most people...until it's gone, and I'm no exception to this.

One thing I've rarely talked about is I have ovarian tumor, something that made living life not easy for the past 5-6 years. I did many tests, doctors could not explain why. I have a pretty high pain tolerance but chronic pain, even if it's mild it makes you go crazy and it makes you weak mentally, because it's constantly there to remind you of its presence. In my case, the pain level varied. On days it really hurts, I can't stand straight or walk, I don't eat, I just stay in bed.

Other times, when the pain is mild, I try to stay strong and not let it affect my life, I'd go hiking to get my mind to focus on something else, but that only made it worst the next day.  I remember how helpless and depressed I felt for years. I wondered, why me? Why am I wasting my days away in bed? There is nothing I could do. You can only go as far as your body carries you, and I could not control it.

I'm better now and I haven't experienced pain in the past year, and coincidentally, not since Dyno was born. Which is why I need to be more careful now; I avoid processed foods, medications, and unnatural products. I think we all know but don't care, but something as innocent as a tampon can cause you to loose a leg or die. The risks are low, but it could happen to anybody. Even if the side effects of medications and such are minor, you might just be the unlucky one.

Little things such as taking the time to deep stretch, meditate and work out really helped me a lot. Having a dog is beneficial to mental health as well. I also moved to a place with bright natural light all day long and I live with over 50 of my plant children that supply me with clean fresh air. I never realized how much it changed my mood in general until now. I also try not to read e-mails past office hours anymore. Clients might have urgent issues to deal with, but too much is urgent nowadays and urgent is not actually that urgent. Nothing is more urgent than your mental health, and that perspective really reduced my stress level.

When you're mentally well, your body follows, your blood pressure decrease, you can mitigate chronic pain, sleep better, fight addictions. Meditation is still too high level for me, but I've been doing a little bit of it here and there, and even a little bit gives me so much clarity. I want to make it a point to keep on doing it.

I'm able to do all the activities that I love such as rock climbing, yoga and hiking because I have a healthy body and I can't be thankful enough.

Don't fall off the cliff

I just realized how I never wrote about that road trip in the southwest. Although the landscape was really incredible, I was too consumed by his negative energy to appreciate. I thought, should I just leave him behind? I wonder how he'll do without speaking a word of English, without gps, without data and without money or a functioning credit card. It's nothing illegal if I do this, right? After all, I rented the car and he is the one depending me. Too bad I'm not mean enough to actually do it.

I was looking at the pictures yesterday and saw this photo and thought I'd write about this episode, and maybe others later if I feel inspired enough to do so. Maybe I will laugh about this when I'm old. The night before taking this photo was rainy and windy, we were driving north on the coast of California. I thought of my mom who told me stories of people falling off cliffs with their cars in California which made me a bit scared. I was trying to be in a good mood, and definitely did not want to argue. I don't trust his driving skills nor do I trust the hybrid car. We have had some minor car accidents while having arguments, nothing serious luckily. One time in Death Valley, he was so mad that he drove over a concrete parking bumper at night and part of the floor pan came off.

He always says that I decide everything, so I asked him to decide what he wanted to do. He said he doesn't know...why would you complain if you don't even know what you want to do. Then he says it's not about him deciding, he wants to decide together...In my head, if you decide together, someone still has to make suggestions first which he never does. I was really patient and even gave him options...just like I would to a kid, he just had to pick. That's what he thinks "deciding together" is anyways. He picked San Francisco. I have already been but fine, let's not debate.

There were landslides and such in some parts of the road, but everything went well and we were determined to make it to San Francisco before the end of the trip...until we drove over a big rock and got a flat in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere while going uphill, without reception, without light, without service, without spare. We were able to stop the car right at the road bend, and there was a tiny space between the hill and the road, but it was still dangerous as cars coming up could probably not see us.

I had an offline map on my phone and could see there was a hotel/gas station 1 minute of driving away...which we have not seen any in a while. How lucky but unlucky at the same time. It could've been a lot worst. One minute of driving is still a long time if you walk at night on a twisty road with mountains on one side and the ocean on the other, without really being able to see neither because it was so dark. There was not much walking space, so we had to walk on the same road as the cars and as soon as we saw lights from either side, we had to move to the other lane. One of the cars stopped us and offered us a ride thankfully.

We borrowed a phone at the hotel and the nearest towing company was 3 hours away...ugh can you believe? and it's not 24H, so we ended up staying at that hotel right by the coast at Ragged Point.

We never made it to San Francisco as the tow truck came to get us the next day and drove us back down to the nearest town south. It was a really nice day, very sunny and warm. We got to see sea lions on the shore which I never noticed before. As they say, the destination doesn't matter...and the journey was definitely something to remember. The funny thing, it's the most unlucky day of our trip, but I think it was probably my happiest day too, especially when I was in the tow truck with that beat up car behind. I can't even explain. I'm almost feeling like...God is with you, you don't want to go to San Francisco? You ain't going.

We were lent a 4x4 too...just when we need it least.

Everyday I spend my time Drinking wine, feeling fine...

Today was a really nice day to do a little road trip and visit a vineyard. I haven't done one of these in a while and forgot how relaxing it was. We drove through a tree tunnel to arrive at the vineyard which was picturesque and the weather was perfect. There were people dancing around, playing music and crushing grapes. Everyone was very friendly and smiley, which really added to the atmosphere.  It felt like we entered an enchanted village and the wines made of strawberries, cherries and angel's kiss in spring. We tasted some wines and local products that all came from nearby while seated amidst the vines. Dyno received a lot of attention too.

Groceries with Dyno

I'm not going to lie, I sneaked my dog into grocery stores on several occasions. I don't do it as often anymore now that he got heavier. This time, we visited Ferme Regis which is one of the first grocery stores in Quebec accepting smaller dogs inside if they are placed in a wooden basket. There are lots of local products inside which I love.

There was also a corn maze where you can get lost in, empty silos in which you can hear your echo, old cars to take pictures with and a little farm with animals to entertain your dog. I personally think dogs should be accepted in more places but I agree that most dog owners are terrible, which ruins it for the rest of us, but I'm not going to let this stop me and Dyno :)

Good old days

I'm back from the woods where I spent a weekend in a cabin without reception. We completely disconnected and we just played cards, talked to each other, cooked food and listened to 90s music. It was really just like the good old days. It was a rainy weekend, and we did not go out much, but it was a weekend more than well-spent and I feel it was completely full.

I've always dreamed of living somewhere far far away where I could just live off the land and stop relying on technology. Maybe that's too ambitious for me, but doing small things in my every day life already make me feel more sane. I don't own a TV at home, I stopped looking at my screen just to pass time, I don't even listen to music anymore when I'm outside, and I always try to be alert to my surroundings. Focusing on one thing at a time is still difficult for me, but when I do, even if it's not for very long, makes me feel content and connected to real life.

Memories are still the greatest treasure that a person can hold, far greater than any electronic device on the planet.

My first canoe-camping trip

Here I am, on an empty island by myself, with my dog Dyno of course. My hands are cold and I cannot write fluidly, which is weirdly satisfying at the same time. It forces me to slow down my thoughts and it makes me more conscious of the words I'm writing.

Yesterday, as I about to leave, I saw a hairy green caterpillar on my paddle. I thought to myself, am I really ready for this kind of adventure? It took me some courage to come on this trip. I never did this before. I think I might have done canoeing for fun before but I can't confidently say that I'll be able to manage if there were strong wind, thunderstorm and strong current, with my stuff and my dog on top of this.

I really wanted to do something different though, perhaps something that scared me a little. It seems like I haven't gone out of my comfort zone in a while. I went alone on a tandem canoe because I wanted to have enough space for Dyno and my stuff, but I didn't think it would be that difficult to maneuver, especially with the wind. Very lucky that I have quite strong arms, but it was definitely tiring.

Last week, there was rain forecasted for the 3 days I'm here, but turns out it's warm and sunny. Life has its own plan and it's best to believe.

Dyno is having fun, tasting the water, playing with the branches, getting his paws wet, rolling in the sand and protecting me from the small animals on the island. He is also chasing some monarch that is trying to land on the beach. What a cutie pie, right? I have to keep an eye on this sneaky boy so he doesn't steal the food. Yesterday, he had a sip of my wine which really worried me. He's fine now, luckily.

I want to sit back, and relax, and just follow the current. I've also deactivated my facebook a while ago. I want to live a life for myself, not for others. I want to be comfortable with where I'm at in life. I don't want to worry about time and having a to-do list and being organized. I got all the time in the world today and I will just sit here and let the time pass without any purpose, but with all the purpose and meaning in the world at the same time. There are lots of crazy thoughts going through my mind, but it's okay. I'm not trying to fight them or engage them, I'm just acknowledging them.

Today is a good day, the sound of the waves crashing into my island woke me up. I sort of brushed my teeth but did not wash my face as I brought limited water with me. Needless to say, there won't be any shower. It's fine, I'm alone on this island.  It's a warm and sunny day of fall, which is probably my favorite at the moment.

I'm drinking cold brew from that mug from Death Valley, it makes appreciate the cold and crisp air in the morning. There is something about this weather, it smells adventure. People are gone back to their routine, summer flings are over, and nature suddenly becomes more still. It's getting colder, but the sun is still comforting.

The sunset is beautiful and what a surprise. My mom asked me if I'm not scared to be alone on an island, I said I'm not. There are places scarier than this but people have chosen to accept a certain form of prison and safe slavery. Nature is not to be scared of. I'm glad I came here. I always tell myself that I'd rather regret doing something than not doing something, and knowing this makes me feel like I have all the answers in the world and I will always know where to go.

We tried SUP for the first time

I saw this video some years ago, it's about a guy contemplating the meaning of adventure as he crossed the Georgia Straight from Vancouver to Victoria. He explains that adventure can be as simply as wondering about the possibility of doing just one thing differently than before. It really inspired me and made me want to try SUP.

So, I finally went to Riviere Rouge to try it last weekend. It was a rainy, which sucks but we pretty much had the whole river to ourselves. When the rain finally stopped, we could see the clouds surrounding the mountains and made me feel like we traveled to another country.

Unfortunately for Dyno, he did not know he was going to do SUP. I pretty much dragged him onto the board and took off. Right when we took off is when it started raining pretty heavily. We got all wet and he was shaking from the cold.

After an hour or so, we took a break on one of the many beaches. I let him off leash so he can run for a bit and stretch his paws. When it was time to get back on the board, he really did not want to go back and wasn't listening to me anymore. It took me a good 10 minutes to catch him. I put him on the board and started paddling. Seconds after we left the beach, I don't know what he wanted to do, but he fell in the water, and it kind of pushed me and the board further. Also, the current was not helping. I was a good 3-4 meters away from him at this point. I went on my knees but almost lost my balance.

Poodles are water dogs and I hoped he would enjoy the water. The week before, I took him to a doggy pool to teach him swimming while he was still young. However, I did not know I couldn't get inside the water with him, which made him even more hesitant to be in the water. I gave the employee a ton of shit and gave up on the idea of teaching him swimming this year.

I debated whether I should jump in the water to save him but I really did not want to get wet. It wasn't one of those hot summer days where we were paddling in swimsuit. It wasn't warm and I only had one jacket to protect me from the rain. I see his head was still above the water, so I waited to see if he could swim to me. Obviously, if I could not see his head, I would jump in right away. I called him several times and finally...he swam towards my SUP. I was so scared but so happy at the same time, because Dyno finally learned to swim!

I'm so proud of my little wet rat!