Weekly little adventures (W24-27): I'm moving...finally!

"You have traveled around the world, you started a business that works and if you also buy a home before turning 30, it would be a nice accomplishment."

"I don't know. I'm quite happy now."

That was a conversation I had with a friend a couple of months ago. Little would I have thought that I'm actually going to do it.

I never really felt the need to move out. I live in a big house in a nice neighborhood. My mom cooks and cleans for me. It definitely saves me a lot of time and work. Of course, there are some inconveniences. For example, my dad nags me when he sees me in the kitchen in the morning. No big deal, I started waking up later. He also nags me when I come back home. No big deal, I stay in my room. My mom questions my relationships, my work and my whereabouts. No big deal, I never spend the night out, so no explanations needed, and no questions asked ever again. There are no other places warmer than my own bed anyway.

However lately, there is this tiny drop that spilled the glass. There is always some strangers at home which I really don't appreciate, especially when you're not notified in advance. Not that they need my permission or anything, but I think it's just common courtesy to at least let you know. Just imagine, you wake up, you're all comfortable in your pajamas, you walk downstairs and you realize there is a stranger on your couch that ignores your presence, as if they were in their own house. How rude. It almost feels like an invasion of privacy. That was a bit of an exaggeration of course but honestly, it makes me quite uncomfortable, even if ironically I'm in my own house, and they are not.

My parents say they can invite whoever they want because it's their house. I think they really forgot that my name is also on the house and if it wasn't me, maybe that house would not be theirs and they would not be able to be so loud about it. It makes me think that I really don't have any respect. They always like to compare me to their friend's children, but have they asked them if their children also contribute as much as I do? They raised me and all, and I can never pay them back but that doesn't mean they can disrespect me like that. In a way, I'm more powerful than my parents, I can fly away if I really wanted to, but I didn't. Now, they are taking it for granted.

They always think what a huge sacrifice they made for me, but they don't really realize what I've done for them. I lived a restrained life because I have too much respect for what they expected from me. I'm not going to lie, but I care way too much about making money, living a good life and achieving career goals because I want them to live comfortably. I'm mostly unforgiving and selfish in relationships and with people who don't align with my standards of living. I'm quite a superficial person in that sense.

In my heart, I'm a free-spirit, I dream of living in a van and drive away and wake up to a different scenery every day...but that would be quite selfish of me. The only time I'm really myself is when I travel, it's the only time I can let go of those standards, criteria and just enjoy life for what it is. That was always a small part inside me that bothered me, and I repressed that for too long.

I really want some peace, I don't want to answer any questions or talk to anybody or see anybody that I do not like in a place that is supposed to be home.

I wanted to wait until next year because the last time I was employed full-time for a whole year was in 2014, in 2015 I worked half of the year, in 2016 I also worked half of the year, in 2017 I worked the whole year but incorporated half way, which isn't great from the bank's point of view. My situation is considered highly risky and it's hard to get financing, especially next year because the rules will be even stricter. Luckily, I found my dream home within 2 days and logically, I should not have much trouble getting approved. If all goes well, I'm moving end of January.

Life is just crazy and I feel lucky to have the freedom to make such a huge yet spontaneous decisions. I think that will really help me leave those baggage and those prejudices behind, and just be a bit more who I want to be...