Unlike the majority, I don't have any extraordinary ambitions. I'm more simple; I just want to be average and happy…because being unique and different makes me lonely and misunderstood.
There are times I can't get out of bed and so, I stay there in the dark for days where I can escape the torment of different thoughts. I was used to think that I were happy and that I don't care about anybody. I'm ahead of everyone, I have a pretty face and I receive all the attention I want...but that's all superficial. None of those can hide how untrusting, mad, disgusting and unfaithful I am. I'm ashamed. It's not easy to admit.
How can I still believe that I’m not the bad one when all those scornful fingers only keep pointing at me? Why doesn't anyone help me? Why am I being blamed for? Everyone expects something from me; they want all of me. There isn't much left for myself anymore.
Just as I think I've moved on and can live just fine and have fun, those evils come back to haunt me again and always. The same story keeps repeating itself in my life. Its predictability is scary. That loneliness that became blindingly safe is scary. That aching void that created the illusion that I am at peace is scary. I don’t have power to deal with those fears any longer.
The more I grow, the least I recognize myself. The dullness of this suppressed grief have consumed my existence. I can't remember the origin of that long silence…the origin from which I run. I don't want to remember...
I just want to disappear forever.
...find real peace.