My decision makes everyone disappointed and worried. One decision I took that I don’t even know if it’s right or wrong. Maybe I’m selfish like they said…but aren’t they selfish for expecting me to be that perfect little good girl I’m not? If I say they are not being understanding, that would be the same as admitting that I'm thoughtless...so who's going to cede? Sometimes I really want to give up and that might take some weight off my shoulders. I don’t understand why it has to be me. Why do I have to be someone I can’t be? Should I forget about myself just so that my family can be happy and be at peace? Or should I just go ahead? Go for what I need and what makes me happy and make everyone else feel like shit and to regret raising a daughter like me? Does that sound like an teenager problem? I could just leave the house, but will that solve the problem?
Aren't parents supposed to support you when you need? Or is a daughter supposed to do whatever her parents expect her to do? Isn't happiness supposed to be contagious? I won't be happy if they were not….and of course they want me to be happy too, we never say it but we really want to make each other happy but somehow things are just not right...all that for ONE word; SELFISHNESS. If it's because they think they know what makes me happy, then I can already tell you they don’t…because I don’t know either but I know that there are only decisions that you make for yourself that will never be regretted. I got to admit that I’m a selfish person and I want to be happy. I really thought of ceding because yes, I’m scared to fall hard on my face and yes, I'm afraid to get hurt…but I’m also too scared to not know. I’m almost 21…and I don’t even know what makes me happy the most. Isn’t that pathetic? Oh yes you can love shopping, love money, love shoes, love handbags and don't worry, I love that too but I’m not talking about all those superficial city girls’ needs. I never lost anything, I never won either. Nothing matters to me and that’s not because I’m easy-going…it’s because I don’t give a shit.
If you were me, what would you do? Would you be a selfish person and maybe, JUST MAYBE find happiness …or to NOT be selfish and that would FOR SURE make everyone else happy? Wouldn’t it be great if there were a perfect optimal solution that could satisfy everyone? I want to be naïve enough to believe it can happen, but that’s like believing that world peace exists…and I’m sorry to burst your bubble but world peace is bullshit…but peace within oneself is possible. Waw it looks like I make sense, but I might just be trying to make up an excuse to make myself feel better…or maybe not. Everything right seems wrong in a way…Everything wrong is somehow not that wrong…So what would you do?