Dyno's 1st Birthday

Dyno has taught me so much about life in general, he loves everybody, he wants to meet every one. Even though he is generally wary and skeptical of new things, he still finds the courage to face his fears...and sometimes his fears can be something as stupid a blanket that is not at its usual place. The other day, I waited a good 20 minutes for him to walk pass the blanket that fell on the floor. He probably thinks there is a monster under or something. I was so proud of him even for something simple like that.

Most importantly, he has taught me to be more patient. I'm the type of person that can do some outrageous things when I'm mad. There were 2 times that I lashed out on him. The first time was 2-3 weeks after I got him, I locked him in the bathroom inside his carrier where he could not stand or sit because he still cried in his crate at night. The next day, my mom told me that he looked retarded and got dumber than before, and he is not peeing on the pad. Then I learned something, dogs can only strive with love.

The second time was after 3-4 months, he kept barking at another dog in the hallway which got me very mad. As soon as I got home, I started throwing things, even threw my keys at him and I yelled at him. I cried after because I'm afraid that he will be scared of me and will not trust me anymore. Some things cannot be repaired when damage is done, and it's never worth it for a moment of anger. I've decided then that I will never ever act that way again no matter how mad I am.

Today is Dyno's birthday and I wanted to spend all day with him. I even baked him a cake that is safe for dogs and humans. To him, today is just like any other day though. He doesn't think about yesterday or what's to come tomorrow, he just lives in the moment. He doesn't know what I've done or what I will become, but he definitely knows me better that I do, he can feel things and notices every small gestures and the world around him...unlike me who usually avoids eye contact and don't really try to observe strangers. Because of him, I get to connect with people more. He is just a happy dog living his best life. I love him so much and I can never get tired of talking about him <3

Canoe-Camping, part 2

There is something I did not mention about the canoe-camping trip, but I actually left the day before I was supposed to leave.

Here is what happened.

I was relaxing on my the beach and I wasn't really looking at Dyno. He can't really do much nasty stuff, or can he? He was just sitting next to the cooler and 2 bags containing food. Everytime I turned my head, he would be just sitting there and looking at me innocently.  

Then I went to check on him, and saw some sort of foil papers on the sand, and I thought it was probably the wrap used to bake potatoes last night which I was just left in the fire ring. Later, I went to take a nap in the tent, and he slept next to me, but then he vomited twice shortly after. Dyno has a fragile stomach so I don't worry much when he vomits. I cleaned up his vomit and decided to go grab snack. I looked for my chocolate in the bag and could not find it anywhere, even though I'm sure I've left it there.

...and then I clicked. The foil looking paper was not aluminium foil but the chocolate wrap. 

I was like...crap. Chocolate is toxic for dogs and can kill them. I was on an island, far from civilization so there wasn't much I could do. So I googled a calculator to calculate the risk level depending on the type of chocolate, quantity and weight of the dog. He had milk chocolate which is the least toxic, and the calculator said the risks are low. Then I googled what to do, and it said to have him vomit. He already did, great. 

At this point, it was around 6pm...and there was 1 hour left before sunset. Dyno wasn't feeling well, he seemed low in energy and he was shaking because of the cold and probably because he wasn't feeling great, and I was worried about him although logically, I knew he should be fine. There was rain forecasted for the morning when I planned to leave...and I debated for a while...is it better to leave in the rain or in the dark? And I think it's probably better to leave tonight considering the situation. 

I packed up my stuff fast, because my island is quite far and I don't want to struggle with directions in the dark. I left at 6:36pm and sunset was a few minutes before 7pm. It took me a good hour and a half to get to the island, so even if I paddle non-stop, I estimate I would make it in an hour which would already be past sunset. I left the island and started paddling, the waves crashing agaisnt my canoe was pretty scary and I thought to myself, even if it gets dark, as long as I stay in my canoe, I should survive, and apparently canoes are stable.

First, I had to reach the big islands but there is quite a bit of distance not to mention it was windy that evening. It was probably the roughest part as there was nothing to protect us from the wind, but at least there was still day light and it was manageable. There was brief rain, which is fine. I was tired but I kept going. I wanted to take off my jacket because I was hot, but I didn't even want to waste time doing it. I was racing against time and every second counted. It seemed never ending as the current kept pushing me back.

Once I finally reached the big islands, I tried to stay close so I won't be hit by the wind. Also, I think that was not the route I used at the beginning which worried me. At this point, there was probably 30% of sunlight left. I crashed into an island because I was going too fast and I could not stop the canoe. There was still wind, just a bit less terrible.

It was getting darker by the second. I made a turn somewhere and I recognized a tree that I have seen at the beginning and I remember it because I thought it looked like a statue. At this point, it was all dark but I remember the dock was diagonally ahead from that statue-looking tree. There were 3 lights that I could see and probably one of them was the dock. I went towards the brightest, not realizing that the brightest was actually on the opposite side of the river, but it was already pitch black and I could not distinguish dimensions anymore. Lights on both sides seemed like they were on the same side.

I could not see the dock until I was 2 meters from it, and struggled a bit to tie the canoe to the dock but that was the easy part. It was definitely scary but I'm so happy. The drive back was scary too but less scary than being in the water.

I monitored Dyno for the next couple of days and he is fine now. 

Health

Taking the time for yourself is so important yet it's probably the last thing on the priority list for most people...until it's gone, and I'm no exception to this.

One thing I've rarely talked about is I have ovarian tumor, something that made living life not easy for the past 5-6 years. I did many tests, doctors could not explain why. I have a pretty high pain tolerance but chronic pain, even if it's mild it makes you go crazy and it makes you weak mentally, because it's constantly there to remind you of its presence. In my case, the pain level varied. On days it really hurts, I can't stand straight or walk, I don't eat, I just stay in bed.

Other times, when the pain is mild, I try to stay strong and not let it affect my life, I'd go hiking to get my mind to focus on something else, but that only made it worst the next day.  I remember how helpless and depressed I felt for years. I wondered, why me? Why am I wasting my days away in bed? There is nothing I could do. You can only go as far as your body carries you, and I could not control it.

I'm better now and I haven't experienced pain in the past year, and coincidentally, not since Dyno was born. Which is why I need to be more careful now; I avoid processed foods, medications, and unnatural products. I think we all know but don't care, but something as innocent as a tampon can cause you to loose a leg or die. The risks are low, but it could happen to anybody. Even if the side effects of medications and such are minor, you might just be the unlucky one.

Little things such as taking the time to deep stretch, meditate and work out really helped me a lot. Having a dog is beneficial to mental health as well. I also moved to a place with bright natural light all day long and I live with over 50 of my plant children that supply me with clean fresh air. I never realized how much it changed my mood in general until now. I also try not to read e-mails past office hours anymore. Clients might have urgent issues to deal with, but too much is urgent nowadays and urgent is not actually that urgent. Nothing is more urgent than your mental health, and that perspective really reduced my stress level.

When you're mentally well, your body follows, your blood pressure decrease, you can mitigate chronic pain, sleep better, fight addictions. Meditation is still too high level for me, but I've been doing a little bit of it here and there, and even a little bit gives me so much clarity. I want to make it a point to keep on doing it.

I'm able to do all the activities that I love such as rock climbing, yoga and hiking because I have a healthy body and I can't be thankful enough.

Don't fall off the cliff

I just realized how I never wrote about that road trip in the southwest. Although the landscape was really incredible, I was too consumed by his negative energy to appreciate. I thought, should I just leave him behind? I wonder how he'll do without speaking a word of English, without gps, without data and without money or a functioning credit card. It's nothing illegal if I do this, right? After all, I rented the car and he is the one depending me. Too bad I'm not mean enough to actually do it.

I was looking at the pictures yesterday and saw this photo and thought I'd write about this episode, and maybe others later if I feel inspired enough to do so. Maybe I will laugh about this when I'm old. The night before taking this photo was rainy and windy, we were driving north on the coast of California. I thought of my mom who told me stories of people falling off cliffs with their cars in California which made me a bit scared. I was trying to be in a good mood, and definitely did not want to argue. I don't trust his driving skills nor do I trust the hybrid car. We have had some minor car accidents while having arguments, nothing serious luckily. One time in Death Valley, he was so mad that he drove over a concrete parking bumper at night and part of the floor pan came off.

He always says that I decide everything, so I asked him to decide what he wanted to do. He said he doesn't know...why would you complain if you don't even know what you want to do. Then he says it's not about him deciding, he wants to decide together...In my head, if you decide together, someone still has to make suggestions first which he never does. I was really patient and even gave him options...just like I would to a kid, he just had to pick. That's what he thinks "deciding together" is anyways. He picked San Francisco. I have already been but fine, let's not debate.

There were landslides and such in some parts of the road, but everything went well and we were determined to make it to San Francisco before the end of the trip...until we drove over a big rock and got a flat in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere while going uphill, without reception, without light, without service, without spare. We were able to stop the car right at the road bend, and there was a tiny space between the hill and the road, but it was still dangerous as cars coming up could probably not see us.

I had an offline map on my phone and could see there was a hotel/gas station 1 minute of driving away...which we have not seen any in a while. How lucky but unlucky at the same time. It could've been a lot worst. One minute of driving is still a long time if you walk at night on a twisty road with mountains on one side and the ocean on the other, without really being able to see neither because it was so dark. There was not much walking space, so we had to walk on the same road as the cars and as soon as we saw lights from either side, we had to move to the other lane. One of the cars stopped us and offered us a ride thankfully.

We borrowed a phone at the hotel and the nearest towing company was 3 hours away...ugh can you believe? and it's not 24H, so we ended up staying at that hotel right by the coast at Ragged Point.

We never made it to San Francisco as the tow truck came to get us the next day and drove us back down to the nearest town south. It was a really nice day, very sunny and warm. We got to see sea lions on the shore which I never noticed before. As they say, the destination doesn't matter...and the journey was definitely something to remember. The funny thing, it's the most unlucky day of our trip, but I think it was probably my happiest day too, especially when I was in the tow truck with that beat up car behind. I can't even explain. I'm almost feeling like...God is with you, you don't want to go to San Francisco? You ain't going.

We were lent a 4x4 too...just when we need it least.

Everyday I spend my time Drinking wine, feeling fine...

Today was a really nice day to do a little road trip and visit a vineyard. I haven't done one of these in a while and forgot how relaxing it was. We drove through a tree tunnel to arrive at the vineyard which was picturesque and the weather was perfect. There were people dancing around, playing music and crushing grapes. Everyone was very friendly and smiley, which really added to the atmosphere.  It felt like we entered an enchanted village and the wines made of strawberries, cherries and angel's kiss in spring. We tasted some wines and local products that all came from nearby while seated amidst the vines. Dyno received a lot of attention too.

Groceries with Dyno

I'm not going to lie, I sneaked my dog into grocery stores on several occasions. I don't do it as often anymore now that he got heavier. This time, we visited Ferme Regis which is one of the first grocery stores in Quebec accepting smaller dogs inside if they are placed in a wooden basket. There are lots of local products inside which I love.

There was also a corn maze where you can get lost in, empty silos in which you can hear your echo, old cars to take pictures with and a little farm with animals to entertain your dog. I personally think dogs should be accepted in more places but I agree that most dog owners are terrible, which ruins it for the rest of us, but I'm not going to let this stop me and Dyno :)

Good old days

I'm back from the woods where I spent a weekend in a cabin without reception. We completely disconnected and we just played cards, talked to each other, cooked food and listened to 90s music. It was really just like the good old days. It was a rainy weekend, and we did not go out much, but it was a weekend more than well-spent and I feel it was completely full.

I've always dreamed of living somewhere far far away where I could just live off the land and stop relying on technology. Maybe that's too ambitious for me, but doing small things in my every day life already make me feel more sane. I don't own a TV at home, I stopped looking at my screen just to pass time, I don't even listen to music anymore when I'm outside, and I always try to be alert to my surroundings. Focusing on one thing at a time is still difficult for me, but when I do, even if it's not for very long, makes me feel content and connected to real life.

Memories are still the greatest treasure that a person can hold, far greater than any electronic device on the planet.