我要飛走 我要自由 我要用最溫柔的復仇
讓你一無所有 讓你在說我的時候
很有理 卻會心痛
我要飛走 我要自由 我要用最溫柔的刑求
讓你一無所有 讓你在說謊的時候
想到我 會很心痛
Disappointed, but not sad...
Monday, 26 December 2011
I must say that I'm not sad anymore. I wrote everything down and sent them away. I see things very clear. I rank my family first, my career second and I still have both. Everything else comes and goes. Being in someone's arms is great, but I've always cherished my solitude as well. I'm just still very disappointed.
Christmas tree
Saturday, 24 December 2011
I really don't care about Christmas, but I just want to say that my Christmas tree is the prettiest in the world and I've had it for over 10 years :)
Unsent letters: Day 6
It's new year soon. 2011 was a good year to me. I fell in love in 2011; it's something that I didn't think would be possible, but you're not here anymore. I must say that I'm more disappointed than sad, because I don't understand why. Why do we have to subside our emotions? It makes no sense to me...because it's the rarest thing in the world to find someone you feel something for and that it's mutual...
I remember that one time when you were sleeping next to me, holding onto my arms. I told myself, at that point, that I cannot hurt you anymore; I need to learn to believe you...but I was also afraid that you would take us for granted. I have my own insecurities too, and I'm not as strong as I appear. We all have our own issues to work on.
I originally wanted to give you these letters when I'll see you again, but who knows what will happen tomorrow? Maybe I won't be here anymore, and maybe you won't be here either. I don't want to regret.
I wish I could kiss you at midnight on New Years, there are so many things we haven't done yet. Happy New Year, Jonathan, let's be better versions of ourselves, let's make resolutions. I wish all your dreams come true.
I won't write to you anymore, you don't have to respond either. These letters are just some last words and silly hopes. I will see you at 3:45 on April 3rd. I will try to not be hungover this time. Please don't forget me. It isn't over for me.
I remember that one time when you were sleeping next to me, holding onto my arms. I told myself, at that point, that I cannot hurt you anymore; I need to learn to believe you...but I was also afraid that you would take us for granted. I have my own insecurities too, and I'm not as strong as I appear. We all have our own issues to work on.
I originally wanted to give you these letters when I'll see you again, but who knows what will happen tomorrow? Maybe I won't be here anymore, and maybe you won't be here either. I don't want to regret.
I wish I could kiss you at midnight on New Years, there are so many things we haven't done yet. Happy New Year, Jonathan, let's be better versions of ourselves, let's make resolutions. I wish all your dreams come true.
I won't write to you anymore, you don't have to respond either. These letters are just some last words and silly hopes. I will see you at 3:45 on April 3rd. I will try to not be hungover this time. Please don't forget me. It isn't over for me.
2012
1. I will not date anybody from a broken home or without at least an undergraduate degree is either law, business, engineering or medicine.
2. I will stop buying clothes and shoes that I don't need.
3. I will start exercising and keep my weight below 125 lbs.
4. I will go to Europe.
5. I will earn my designation.
2. I will stop buying clothes and shoes that I don't need.
3. I will start exercising and keep my weight below 125 lbs.
4. I will go to Europe.
5. I will earn my designation.
Unsent letters: Day 5
Friday, 23 December 2011
I miss you so much, I feel I can never tell you enough how much I miss you. It hurts me so bad, Jonathan, what should I do?
I've been thinking about us. I remember how you asked me to be your girlfriend on a Sunday afternoon when we were lying on your bed. I remember when we shared a Crunchie on Mont-Royal and you asked me to come to your place, which I refused. I saw you cry watching a movie, you scared me when I was in the shower, I bathed you at my place...I remember how you harassed me with your penis in your kitchen. I remember how old people would look at us with a smile on their face. But I also remember that we had a lot of misunderstandings...what if we talked to each other more? Sometimes, I feel we don't to each other enough about our emotions...
I've been thinking about us. I remember how you asked me to be your girlfriend on a Sunday afternoon when we were lying on your bed. I remember when we shared a Crunchie on Mont-Royal and you asked me to come to your place, which I refused. I saw you cry watching a movie, you scared me when I was in the shower, I bathed you at my place...I remember how you harassed me with your penis in your kitchen. I remember how old people would look at us with a smile on their face. But I also remember that we had a lot of misunderstandings...what if we talked to each other more? Sometimes, I feel we don't to each other enough about our emotions...
Unsent letters: Day 3
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
...
Other times, I think it might has to do with the fact that your parents divorced when you were younger, which now serves as a relationship template. It can be very subconscious. I'm sure you're aware of what's good for you, but what you're attracted to is different. Have you ever thought about the reason why you tend to let go of women who are good to you? I'm not talking about myself, but those that came before. As problems arise, giving up is the best option to you. You're pessimistic about improving a relationship. You have an excuse to not work things out.
I could be wrong, but I was just hoping to look at us from different perspective, to gain a better understanding and to solve problems, but is this too late? I used to think that we'll always have a tomorrow to make things right. I was scared of pointing problems out because I know you're tired, Jonathan, but what if we persisted?
I thought about breaking up with you too because I realize that we have a discrepancy in our values and beliefs. You're someone who doesn't hold strong beliefs of their own. You're easily influenceable, you need a lot of external support. You're a dreamer; hoping to make a difference, but your comfort comes first. I remember you told me that you were the kind of person who would sit by a tree and slowly enjoy the taste of a grapefruit.
I tell myself that I need to be with someone who's more like myself, but who's perfect until you fall in love with them? When you love someone, there are no problems that are that much of an importance. There isn't such thing as fair or unfair; it is simply worth it. Love is a feeling, but most importantly, it is an ability. Everyone can feel, but a mere feeling isn't enough, Jonathan, and that ability could be a lifelong learning process.
Other times, I think it might has to do with the fact that your parents divorced when you were younger, which now serves as a relationship template. It can be very subconscious. I'm sure you're aware of what's good for you, but what you're attracted to is different. Have you ever thought about the reason why you tend to let go of women who are good to you? I'm not talking about myself, but those that came before. As problems arise, giving up is the best option to you. You're pessimistic about improving a relationship. You have an excuse to not work things out.
I could be wrong, but I was just hoping to look at us from different perspective, to gain a better understanding and to solve problems, but is this too late? I used to think that we'll always have a tomorrow to make things right. I was scared of pointing problems out because I know you're tired, Jonathan, but what if we persisted?
I thought about breaking up with you too because I realize that we have a discrepancy in our values and beliefs. You're someone who doesn't hold strong beliefs of their own. You're easily influenceable, you need a lot of external support. You're a dreamer; hoping to make a difference, but your comfort comes first. I remember you told me that you were the kind of person who would sit by a tree and slowly enjoy the taste of a grapefruit.
I tell myself that I need to be with someone who's more like myself, but who's perfect until you fall in love with them? When you love someone, there are no problems that are that much of an importance. There isn't such thing as fair or unfair; it is simply worth it. Love is a feeling, but most importantly, it is an ability. Everyone can feel, but a mere feeling isn't enough, Jonathan, and that ability could be a lifelong learning process.
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