No, I don't club. Stop asking!

Jonathan: Hey, which club you go to? I don’t see you at Copa anymore! Me: I don’t go to clubs anymore… Jonathan: WHAT? Elaine doesn’t club? What happened to you?

D: Hey! What are you doing next weekend? Me: Nothing. I probably going to study. D: Let's go club together. Me: Nah…I don’t club. D: Huh? What’s wrong with you?

J: Want to go to that club opening? Me: Nah…I don’t club. J: It’s going to be fun…Come! Me: No! J: My god. You're boring...

Don’t you guys get the message? I really hate clubs, bars and parties. Fuck all that. I hate all the flirting and the fuckers who “accidently” grab my ass, and all those people who try so hard to impress. I don't need to go there with my shortest dress and highest heels just to hear people telling me how hot and amazing I am. I already know I am.

And if you’re not there to impress, then you’re there to get dicks or pussies depending on your taste. If you’re not there to get laid, then you're one of the few people who go there to just hang out with friends, to "relax" and to have fun, but the problem is that you need alcohol to actually enjoy it and to make that shit fun…which is still fucked up. I mean, if that's your idea of having a great time....good for you.

Whatever.

2%

You know when you meet people abroad who are 98% different from the person you are regarding almost everything? You don’t share the same nationality, age, occupation and language, but you still can communicate with them more easily than those who you share the same last name with? When you get to learn and grow together during that brief encounter, but you can’t feel a comparable change during the whole year you spent at school? When you go knock on someone’s door simply because you miss them and know you don’t have much time left so you try to make the most out of it, but it’s too much effort to just call to say “I miss you” back home? When they are willing to cross an ocean just to be able to spend a few weeks with you because you did the same for them, but 2 streets is too far away for those who live in the same city? All that because 98% is insignificant, but 2% is worth everything? Because of that 1% for the open minds and another 1% for the open hearts? The nights spent barhopping until 7 am with Elaine and how everyone thought we were hookers but we still believed we are the hottest in town, the days spent on a hospital bench with Kevin talking about absolutely nothing and how it wasn't even awkward, the days spent with Krystina hitting on Chinese boys and how we tried to practice our crappy Chinese with them, when Antoine, Eric, William and I woke up at 4 am to climb a mountain just to be able to catch the sunrise, how I met SW because we were the only 2 girls who dared to jump in the cold water, how I met Anh because we were both so lost and then became inseparable, how I became close with Yoshimi because we both eat too much, and when it was okay to say everything you want to say and do everything you want to do because it wasn't a question of who gets the last word nor was it a question of how normal or weird you might be, but a question of now or never, want it or not, no time to hesitate? I miss that.

Another “last last time”

I know I always say it’s the last time, and after every “last time”, there’s another “last last time”, but whatever. He already ignored me so many times that it doesn’t make a difference anymore, so I texted P yesterday. At worst, I’ll just bitch about that again. No big deal!

I texted him the least original thing I can think of "Hey P, how's it going?". Then it was a bit weird for me. He replied and I was obviously happy but then frustrated at the same time. I’m a bit stuck because I’m still pissed and sad about the blowjob thing. Sometimes I think I’d feel better if he continues to be an ass, so I can continue to think that he’s an ass without doubt. So I was like…fuck that. So much trouble for nothing.

Then a few hours later, I calmed down and texted him again because I’ll probably think about that non-stop if I don’t. I want to be at least acknowledged for trying my best in case I don't get what I want and if I don't get a slap, then I want at least a "leave me alone". If not, that's just means I haven't tried hard enough. Here I go “Wanna be my study partner?". I stole J's number 1 excuse. You know what's great about studying? There is no alcohol involved. Before sending this, I already had the feeling that he’ll either not reply or take as much time as I did plus at least 1 minute. If I took 3 hours, he’ll take 3 hours and 1 minute even if he saw it the second I sent it. That's just typically P. Indeed, he took a while to reply, but not as long as I thought. Well, he improved!

P: Aren't you in business? **&#^@*&%@!!! He knows I'm in business, he just said this to make me insist. Me: Oh yeah true, well too bad then

After that, he asked about J, “Is he this? Is he that?” and blablablas...I'll assume that he was just curious.

And finally...

P: We can go study together one day if our schedule clicks. **Should’ve said that from the beginning, y’know

...

Me: HEY!!! Guess who that is! Irene: I don't want to know. Me: It's P! Irene: Again? Aren't you tired?! Me: He said we can study together :D Irene: Like...next year or something? Me: ...

It wasn't that bad afterall.
I hope he didn't mean next year though.

Reminder

开心比苦恼多

笑！

Strip poker at Brian's place

It was okay at Brian's place, but I was a bit moody that night. I still went because I don't like to ditch people last minute. They were 3 boys and there was me, so we played strip poke (they wish). There's that guy, R, who had to explain me how to play, and I really like patient guys so I thought he was cute. I was like "I can speak Mandarin!" so he started speaking in mandarin and I went "WHAT??!!!" "Repeat?" "Repeat again?!"

Here he is.


As I was leaving...
R: Hey, you should call me to hangout sometimes.
Me: I don't even have your number.
So as he was taking his phone out, I said this very fast: "Anyways, I gotta go. BYE!!!" and shut the door. Haha=)

I need to figure out what the hell I want

I know what I'm doing, I'm just a bit selfish. You know that maybe-someday-but-not-today thing? Well, that is it. He's mature, smart, has a future. I can't confirm whether he’s an asshole or not yet but even if he were, he won't be able to mess with me and I tell myself that he had 2 serious relationships, so even if I end up hurting him, I ain't gonna be the one he remembers anyways, so I'm safe either way. I’m so horrible.

Sometimes, even me I can’t believe the crazy and fucked up things I did, but I still somehow feel more mature than most people my age. I'm probably making people's life complicated right now though. I just think I seriously need to figure out what the hell I want and act accordingly.

Ok, here's another one.

Last time, I was on the phone with Baldwin. Baldwin is like my little brother because I can call him when I have nothing to do and he crushed on my sister long time ago. So, I was on the phone with him and I heard his friend asking him who he was talking to, so I told Baldwin to tell him that he's talking to a super hot girl. Then, he wanted to talk to me, and I later realized that I actually met him 2-3 years ago at a beach with people of my dragon boat team and he took stalker pictures of me in bikini. Anyways. Oh and his name is Brian and he's not cute.

That's on facebook:

Brian: Hey can I have your #? Baldwin ne veut pas me le donner. Me: Qu'est ce que tu vas faire avec mon numero? Ta une blonde. Brian: Ah ? Une blonde, moi ? J'suis single! Miss Elaine, faut se mettre a jour la...

I gave him my number. I'm so so so NOT interested, but I gave him. I don't know what to say. I don't even try to meet guys, I don't want a boyfriend and I don’t want a friend-plus either, but guys still keep coming...and well, going too of course, eventually. I'm okay with that I guess. Well, I'm not exactly okay with that but it is the way it is and I won't make a fuss over it.

Earlier today, Baldwin called to ask if I want to chill at Brian's place tonight. I really have things to study for, but since it's the weekend (I don’t have class on Friday) and I need to relax. So why not?! I need to laugh and I'll have someone to make fun of. So I told him "I'll go around 11h and I'm only staying for an hour and a half huge max" and I hear Brian in the background saying "Yeahhh, bitch!"...(??!). My god...wish me good luck.