Can I be happy too?

I don't have high-standard values that deserve respect. I don't have ambitious dreams that are worth admiration. I don't mind if the world leaves me behind because I don't wanna save the world. I am not the nicest girl you'll meet, I'm just very ordinary. Can I be happy too?

Beijing

This summer, I might go study in Beijing. Why? Well, other than the fact that my mandarin sucks (still better than you) and that I should improve it just in case my future husband happens to be some Mandarin dude, and other than the fact that I'll get 12 big fat credits, and other than the fact that I am sick of Montreal, and other than the fact that I've never been to the capital of my country...I actually don't really know why, I don't have a precise reason. I just think that I should go and see what there is for me. I don't really have anything important in Montreal, no job, no boyfriend, no summer school, so why not eh? When I tell my friends that montreal became boring, they reply that there are always new things, such as new restaurants, new stores, new bars, new...I don't know what, but that's all superficial and it's not what I want...okay superficial is not the exact word, but you get what I mean. Anyway, nothing's for sure yet, so don't ask me anything!

Why

You’re a loser even if you someday win, as you merely wanted to win. In the end, you'll ignore what you won and why you wanted it so bad.

I'm weird, random, cheap and slutty

If you do that, it will be too weird.
If you do this, it will be too random.
Don't ever do that, because you will look cheap.
This is even worst, you will look like a slut.

I don't know what to do then.

Is our society that superficial and everything is based on the way we look? Or is the problem on me? If I wanted to get to point A, why would I pass by point B and C? If I wanted something, I won't wait until someone ask. If I had something to say, I'll make sure you get the message. If I wanted to call someone, I won't start picking the right day in the calendar...but of course that's too random and weird, and maybe even cheap and slutty.

I miss those days when you simply go knock on someone's door because you missed that person. But apparently, you can't do this anymore because...that's too random! Instead, I'll send you a hug on facebook and poke you once in a while? Hmm no. Sorry but Yes I'm weird, Yes I'm random and Yes I'm cheap and slutty and I love myself, Thank you!

Who can stand a wild beast?

Today, I pissed someone off again, I knew I would but I didn't give a shit. I was selfish. My dad always says that no one will ever be able to endure someone like me. I don't believe him but how can I keep thinking it is not true when the evidences are in my face. Having a pretty face and being "smart" is luck, but luck is not enough. Why would anyone normal like a crazy bitch like me who can't do anything right, who wants everything to be the way she wants them to be, who doesn't even have a descent relationship with her family and who always make people around her worry, sad and angry.

I feel like talking Kevin. He's either too good or too stupid to be able to endure me...
He has the right to move on and I shouldn't bother him anymore.

Hope to explore

Your grandad left home for the circus.

He was young just like me, with hope to explore.

-Something Corporate

@Yuquan Campus

Alcohol

In quest of forgetting the past: An effort in finding the courage to face the future...

...for one more night at least.